I shouldn't love you, but I do
by Edwardluver67
Summary: Isabella Swan is a troubled teen with a secret. Charlie warns her to straighten up and arranges tutoring for the classes she is behind on. Will her teacher, Mr. Edward Cullen figure out the problem that troubles Bella? What lines will be crossed?
1. Chapter 1

I walked into Mr. Cullen's math class, slowly walking to my desk.

"You realize that's your fourth tardy, Mrs. Swan?" He asked me.

I rolled my eyes, who cared? The principal? The school board? The district? I certainly didn't care. Not anymore. I stopped caring when my life was ruined. When my mind was shattered, when my decisions had stopped mattering.

"Yep." I popped the 'p', slumping in my chair.

"Mrs. Swan, if you could stay after class, that would be great." He said.

I rolled my eyes again, slumping in my chair and turning to my friends, Eric who was seated in back of me, and Tyler who was seated on back and to my right.

"What's cookin' good lookin'?" Tyler asked me, as he did everyday.

"My brains, their fried," I said, leaning my head on my desk.

"Why?" He asked.

"No sleep. Decided to stay up and not face the nightmares, thank you." I responded shortly.

Suddenly, randomly Eric spoke, probably trying to ease my tension at bit.

"I have twenty five cents in my pocket." I chuckled quietly.

"Give me six cents." I said, I had a library fine that I could contribute that to.

"How would you like it?" He whispered, and Eric, Tyler and I all burst out laughing. Quietly, of course.

"A nickel and a penny," I giggled quietly. This is why I loved these guys they made me forget. I didn't remember it when I was with them. I was only ever happy. It was like it never happened.

He nodded, pulling all the money out of his pocket and dropping it on his desk loudly.

"Mr. Crowley, Mr. Yorkie, and Ms. Swan! That is enough! If I have to warn you again, you will be separated!" Mr. Cullen yelled at us.

Each of us rolled our eyes, and quieted down. He turned back to the board, and we started to talk again.

"That's it! Isabella, back corner. Eric, front corner, Tyler , Dead center." He yelled at us.

He shuffled to our seats, and I pretended to pay attention-staring at Mr. Cullen and zoning out. He held himself well, in black slacks and a tight white t-shirt, mixing casual with something nicer. His shoulders were back, confident of what he was teaching, he knew what he was doing. His hair was crazy and all over the place, and his voice was velvety. He looked young, maybe 25. Maybe.

Suddenly a bright yellow paper hit my desk, pulling me out of my thoughts. Had I just been checking out my math teacher?! I'd finally lost it.

I looked at the yellow paper briefly. It was a math assignment.

I looked at Eric, he was making an airplane out of his assignment. Tyler was sleeping.

I rolled my eyes, pulling out a book I brought for times like this, when Tyler, Eric, and I would all get separated.

"Are you going to try today, Mrs. Swan?" Mr. Cullen asked me, he was standing by my desk, hands in his black slack pockets.

"No." I told the truth.

He rolled his eyes, muttering a 'figured,' before walking toward his desk.

The bell rang not a few seconds later and I walked out of the class room, ignoring Mr. Cullen's calls behind me. I wasn't going to stay.

I met up with Tyler and Eric outside the class room and we slowly walked to Mr. Daw's room for geography.

"Party tonight, Are you comin?" Tyler asked me.

"You know the answer to that." I responded.

"Please? Come on, Bells. That happened forever ago. You need to get back in the scene, baby."

"You'll stay with me the whole time, though, right? No walking off. Nothing. Stay with me." I begged him.

"Of course." He promised.

"Okay. I'll go."

He hissed a 'yes'. Then answered a question with an 'I don't know. When was the last time you think I paid attention?' To Mr. Daw.

Now I had to get up the courage to go this party. Wonderful.

**(A/n: Okay, I wrote and rewrote, then rewrote again. and again. I wanted to make it good. Perfect, you could say. My hard work should be appreciated. **

**SO show me the appreciation and REVIEW! Tell me how you like it people! Should I continue?)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

After geography, Tyler told me he and Eric would meet me outside my window at ten thirty. A half hour before the party started.

On the way to my car, I thought.

I told them I'd be there. I am such an idiot. Did I want that to happen to me again? Did I want to hurt like that again? The answer was very simple: No.

Then why did I say that I would? Why did I tell them I would meet them? The answer was simple again: Because they wanted me too. Peer pressure.

I rolled my eyes; I was becoming such a softy. That just wouldn't do. I was going to the party tonight. Nothing was going to stop me.

Suddenly, the little knots of nervousness in my stomach hit me full force, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I looked around and noticed the tons of kids that were around me, so I went to the back of the building and sat down on the ground, gasping, trying to breathe.

I tried to think of calm things: A river running, sunshine in a meadow, relaxing in a hot bath, scented candles. None of it worked.

I put my hand on my stomach, tears streaming down my face as my lungs started to sting from air deprivation.

"Bella? Ms. Swan? Are you okay?" I heard a soft voice like velvet.

My eyes snapped up and I automatically started to back away. Then I saw who it was, Mr. Cullen.

"I'm fine," I somehow managed to rasp out, before going back to trying to breathe, raking in the stale air, faster, harder, than before.

His eye brows pulled together and he took a step forward. I scrambled back, still facing him, my hands under me, and my legs pushing me back. Like a crab.

"Bella, it's okay. My dad's a doctor. I'm just going to help you." I shook my head at him, and his calm, soothing words, working to stand up my aching body and muscles, my legs felt like they were full of lead, and I could barely lift them.

I grabbed my stuff, which was on the floor, and started to walk to my old Truck, still gasping, but the tears were stopping.

I jumped into my truck, locking all the doors, and shoving my key into the ignition, I twisted them as hard as I could, and then turned on some music, slamming the car into reverse and speeding out of the parking lot. I could see Mr. Cullen in the rear view mirror behind me, watching my car go.

As soon as I got out of the schools sight, I pulled over, timing my breathing with the music, and focusing on the words. Soon enough I could take a deep breath again, and I was somewhat calm.

I put the car into drive, and raised my hand to put it on the steering wheel. My hand was shaking.

I closed my eyes, and took one calming breath, reminding myself that I was okay when I felt the air _whoosh_ into my lungs.

I drove slowly home, taking my time, and taking deep breathes the whole way.

When I got home, I grabbed the mail, looking through it for my grades, and stashing the envelope under the seat of my car, walked into the house, and headed toward the kitchen.

Charlie was sitting at the table, a paper in his hand, but his cruiser wasn't in the driveway. My eyebrows pulled together.

"Sit down, Isabella." He growled at me.

I sat, "What did I do this time, Charlie? Are you gonna cuff me this time?" I asked, scoffing. He didn't even care to punish me anymore.

"Normally I don't punish you. But that time of your life is over. I'm done with you getting in trouble. Finished. I would send you to your mom, but I don't want you to get in even more trouble. So I'm going to deal with you. So, we're going to get some new rules in the house." He smiled at me, but it was tight, and stressed, and condescending.

"What are they going to be, _dad_?" I asked, hissing the word 'dad.'

"Number one, you will have at least a 3.0 each term. That should be easy.

Number two: You will be respectful.

Number three: No parties and I have to meet all your new friends.

Number Four: You will be tutored this term to catch up, and you will get tutoring whenever you need it, once you've caught up, but until then, you will go in mornings and evenings. I've already set things up with your teachers. The only class you're failing is Math, all the rest of your classes are really good, A's and B's. So you will tutor with Mr. Cullen until you get your grade up to a B. And it has to be a high B.

Number five: You will not go out on school nights, Weekends only, Friday and Saturday.

Number Si-"

"What about Sunday?" I asked.

He smiled, "That is daddy-daughter day."

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened.

"What?!" I hissed at him, there was no way I was doing a daddy-daughter day.

He smiled.

"We'll finish the rules later. You better start you're homework, Bella."

I pushed my chair out, slamming it back in and making it hit the table with a _thud,_ before running up the stairs.

At least I had an excuse not to go to the party now.

****************************************************

I spent the rest of the night in my room, ignoring Charlie's calls for dinner.

I turned on my music and sat on my bed, in my pajamas, doing my Science and English homework, breaking my pencil from pressing so hard, twice.

After my homework was done, I got a book out that I used to read, and re-read it again. Reveling in the sense of déjà vu, everything was so much like it was before. It was like I was a loser again, like I didn't have a life, didn't have anyone to hang out with.

I pulled out one of my old CD's when my head started to hurt from reading so much, and listened to the classical music flow through my room, feeling like my old self again.

I scoffed, stopping the CD and throwing it across my room.

I wasn't my old self again, and I never would be. Nothing about me would ever matter to anyone, ever.

I snuck out of my room around eight o' clock, hearing the game downstairs, and headed to the bathroom, I got into the shower, remembering the night that I had gotten into the shower for a sanctuary.

It was the night of the party, and it had just happened. I had walked home, gotten in the shower, and scrubbed myself till my skin was raw, then I had turned the water scalding, and cried.

As I thought of that, little flashes came back to me at what he'd done.

I shook my head, trying to get them out, but I could still feel the pain, still remember what he said to me.

Tears glistened in my eyes again, and I grabbed the sponge and started to scrub myself again, my skin glowing red, when I finally removed the sponge from my sore skin.

I stepped under the water cranking it up so hot I could barely stand it, and cried. I cried about what I had lost, what I would never get back again. I cried about my lost life, and my lost opinions. I cried about losing myself.

*****************************************

When I got out of the shower, Charlie was asleep, so I went to my room, pulled on a tank top and some pajama pants with stars on them, and crawled into bed, trying to think of something happy, so maybe I wouldn't have a nightmare tonight.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

My eye twitched and I listened for the tapping again, but prayed it wouldn't come.

_Tap._

It was coming from my window. I walked over to it, looking down and seeing Tyler and Eric, ready to go to the party.

I slammed my window open and snapped, "What?!"

"Are you ready?" Tyler asked me.

I rolled my eyes, "I can't go."

"Why?!" They both whined.

"Because, if I get caught by one of the officers, then I'm getting hauled into the slammer, again," I lied. Sort of.

"Your dad sucks!" Eric hissed.

"Yea, pretty much. Go to the party, have fun. Tell me all about it tomorrow." I told them.

They nodded, and I shut my window, walking back to my bed.

I sat under the covers, rocking back and forth and going back to lock my window. I could've sworn I saw someone in the woods, across from my house.

I shook my head, walking back to my bed, and looked around my room. Suddenly, all the shadows in my room seemed like hiding places for my nightmare. Suddenly, the closet seemed menacing, and the bed creaking could be footsteps. I wondered if the door was locked, or if he was right outside my window.

Well, I guess tonight is going to be another sleepless one.

**(A/n: She's got tutoring tomorrow morning with Mr. Cullen. Do you like it?! REVIEW!! Show me some appreciation for my chapter! Tell me what you liked about it. **

**Flamers will be blocked.)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Tutoring

At 1:31 a.m., I needed to go to the bathroom. I was too afraid. I was cowering in the corner, sitting on my bed, my blanket covering me.

I rocked back and forth and tried to get the feeling to go away, and I knew that if I didn't work up the courage to get out of my bed, then I would pee my pants, so I slowly began to lift one leg out of the bed, but snatched it back. He could be under the bed, just waiting for me to get out of my warm haven, and then he'd grab me. I sighed at how paranoid I had become. I knew there was nothing under the bed. I knew it, yet I was still afraid. But…what if he was there, waiting?

I rolled my eyes, "Calm down, Bella." I reprimanded myself.

I lifted my leg and scooted forward again, placing my foot slowly on the floor. Nothing happened.

Then suddenly, a boom sounded out, and I screamed loudly, yanking my foot back into the bed, and shrinking into the corner again, whimpering.

My heart was going a thousand miles a minute, and I was panting.

I let out a bit of air, and closed my eyes.

Then, I decided something; he was not going to get the better of me. He wasn't here, I am going to the bathroom, and I'm not going to be afraid.

I flung the blankets back, and jumped up, running towards the bathroom.

I am not afraid, I chanted to myself, but that little nagging voice in my head told me otherwise. Okay, so maybe I was just a tiny bit afraid…still.

******************************************************

When the sun was just coming over the mountains I decided that it was time I could get out of bed.

I turned on my light, and instantly felt better, then walked to my dresser to pick out some clothes. I pulled out some skinny jeans; a black tight t-shirt and a black knitted vest that only went down to the top of my ribs.

After grabbing my clothes, I walked to my shower, and hopped in, rushing through it this time.

I blow dried my hair and pulled on my clothes, then put on some make-up. After getting ready, I walked down the stairs and grabbed a granola bar; Charlie had told me what time I had to leave before work this morning, so I walked out the door, not bothering to grab my back pack.

When I got to the school, I walked to Mr. Cullen's room, rolling my eyes.

I pulled some gum out of my pocket and prepared myself to walk into the room, putting my mask firmly in place.

******************************************************

"Hello, Bella." Mr. Cullen said as soon as I walked in. He was sitting at his desk, with a math book open, most likely preparing a lesson.

"Hey," I said back, I didn't care about math, so being here was pure torture.

I sat in my desk, staring at him, he was wearing a black dress shirt, the sleeves were rolled up and it looked like it was untucked.

"Well, do you want to get started?" He asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts. Had I just been checking him out, again? This was wrong, he wasn't my age. He was probably really old, and just looked young. That would be gross. But, I probably wouldn't care. Age doesn't matter as much when you're older.

"Sure," I murmured.

He walked over to his computer and started typing.

"Well, the system says that you only have eleven percent in this class and the class is almost completely over." He murmured.

I snickered, "Eleven percent. That sounds about right."

He looked up at me over the computer, his eyebrows pulling together.

"So, where would you like to begin, Ms. Swan?" He asked me.

"With an assignment," I raised my eyebrows.

He sighed deeply, "Here, I'll make you a deal. If you pass the next two tests, and get above ninety percent on every assignment, I'll give you a pass." He reasoned with me.

"Sounds good," I said.

He nodded, "So I know for a fact that you haven't been paying attention lately. So, let's start at the beginning of this chapter."

I stood up, walking to the side of his desk.

"I need the worksheet."

"Okay, here." He pulled a worksheet out of a drawer full of files in his desk.

"I also need a pencil," I looked down sheepishly.

He nodded, "I want it back," He handed me a pencil with a staple in it.

I raised an eyebrow.

"So I know it's mine." He responded.

I pressed my lips together to stop from snickering.

I saw a hint of a smile, before he started to explain the assignment.

**********************************************************

"Ugh, I need a break." I had been here for an hour, and we had finished three assignments and were working on yesterdays.

He looked at me, and then smiled. "I was wondering when you were going to tell me that. Well, we have another half hour before school starts. How about a ten minute break? This work sheet is shorter. It won't take much longer."

I nodded, putting my head on my worksheets and closed my eyes. I was_ so_ tired. Although, I guess that is my own fault.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday after school." I heard Mr. Cullen talk to me in a soft tone.

My head snapped up and my eyes widened, the comfort that eased in over the last hour completely vanished. "Forget about it." I snapped coldly.

"Bella-"He began, but I grabbed the worksheet, and started to head out.

"I'm leaving, Mr. Cullen. I think I know how to do the rest of the worksheet. Thank you for your help." My words were rushed and fast, and the 'p' was cut off at the end of my sentence by the slamming of the door.

*******************************************************

The rest of my classes went by fast that day; I ignored Tyler and Eric, keeping to myself a lot of the day. They understood, I had these days every once in a great while, where I would retreat into myself.

They left me alone, not talking to me; they let me be how I wanted to be; invisible.

When it came time for my sixth class, I stared at the building for a minute, before turning around and walking toward the office.

Mrs. Cope was sitting behind the desk, which didn't really surprise me; it was a rare moment when she wasn't there.

"Mrs. Cope?" I asked her, pulling her out of her papers.

"Yes?" She asked me, smiling warmly.

"My dad wrote a note saying I had to be checked out right now, but I can't find it anywhere. Do you think you could just check me out?" I asked her, this had worked once before, but that had been back in junior high. I could only hope that it worked now.

"I can't, I'm sorry Bella. The only thing I can do is let you call your dad and let him check you out over the phone." She looked at me sympathetically.

"Mrs. Cope, my dad is out fishing today. I don't know how to get a hold of him. I was supposed to meet him at the fishing hole for my doctor's appointment." I begged.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I can't. You're going to have to go back to class. Here, I'll give you a slip so you don't have a tardy." She started to write something out on a yellow sheet of paper.

"There's no point." I murmured, walking out of the office.

I walked out of the office and toward the math building, kicking a rock and sulking the whole entire way.

At least I'd missed ten minutes of his class.

I walked into his room, keeping my head down and walking to my seat, a small blush on my cheeks. I heard Mr. Cullen sigh as I walked passed him, but I ignored it.

"Alright everyone, please get out yesterdays assignment." He looked directly at me.

I pulled out the yellow paper I'd finished in choir class and kept my eyes cold. He started ticking off the answers and I followed them with my pen, only one wrong.

"Any questions you have on your assignment?" He asked the class.

People raised their hands asked questions, and I rolled my eyes, zoning out.

"You did the assignment?" I heard Tyler snicker.

I smiled, "I was forced. Chief Papa has reared his ugly head again."

They laughed quietly, "Sucker."

"Shut up." I said quietly, but I was thinking, wasn't it a good thing that my dad cared about me enough to make me get good grades? Yes, that was a good thing.

I shook those thoughts out of my head, nothing mattered about me anymore.

I didn't matter.

**(A/n: OKAY! I want TEN reviews for the next chapter! I KNOW you can do it! TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKED ABOUT IT!!!)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

BPOV

"Isabella? Please, stay after class today." Mr. Cullen said after explaining the assignment.

I rolled my eyes, looking away from him. There was no way I was going to stay after class today. I wasn't going to talk to him about my panic attack yesterday. There was just no way I was going to have that conversation with him.

I finished my assignment quickly, ignoring how Eric and Tyler teased me about it.

I folded and tucked the assignment into my reading book, saving it for tomorrow.

"What's your favorite color?" I heard Eric randomly ask me. I rolled my eyes, but stopped mid roll. Mr. Cullen was sitting at his desk, which was two desks in front of me. He could hear every word we said.

For a moment, I lost myself in his deep green gaze. His eyes were dark and smoldering, they were captivating, beautiful, and I felt like they were pulling me in.

"Green," I murmured, quietly, but I knew he could still hear me, for a small smile graced his features, and he winked at me, before he cleared his throat and looked down at some papers on his desk, still smirking.

"Why?" Tyler asked, and I snapped out of it.

Oh. My. Gosh. Was I just flirting with my teacher? Had he been flirting back by winking at me? Oh, jeez. I felt lightheaded.

"It doesn't matter, guys." I said, snapping my book open and ignoring them for the rest of the class.

As soon as the bell rang I leapt out of my seat, almost running toward the door. I moved to open it, but a hand on my arm stopped me.

"Isabella. I'd like to speak with you if you don't mind." Mr. Cullen, tugged on my arm slightly, and I looked down at the ground and nodded.

I couldn't avoid this conversation; I was going to have to talk to him. I mentally cursed at my luck.

He let go of my arm and I hesitated for a moment. The door was right next to me. Should I just run out? That would be childish, besides I would have to face him tomorrow and the next day and the next day, so I might as well just get it over with.

I groaned, walking toward his desk, where he was now seated, staring at me with a questioning look.

I sat down in a nearby desk, putting my book on it.

"What did you want to speak to me about, Mr. Cullen?" I questioned him, icily.

He sighed quietly.

"Um, Bella, I want to apologize for, er, upsetting you earlier this morning. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, and, well, you know, tell you that if you ever need someone, I'm always there." He nodded his head once at the end of his speech, as if he was praising himself for wording it correctly.

My eyebrows rose, "Mr. Cullen, I am fine. There is no need to treat me differently than you treat any other student because you saw me having a meltdown. Please treat me normally." I looked down at the ground.

"All right, I understand. Forget it ever happened, right?" He asked, bitterness in his voice and his eyes. I wondered what was the change in his attitude? Then suddenly his eyes glazed over and he was quiet.

I waited for a minute before losing my patience, and standing up answering him.

"Yes. Forget it ever happened. Well, I better hurry to class. Bye," I finished my sentence before running out of the room.

*********************************************

As I was filling up my backpack after Geography I realized something. I had left my reading book on Mr. Cullen's desk when we were talking.

This was just not my day.

I walked lazily back to my math class. I opened the door, and peered in. Mr. Cullen was sitting at his desk, his head in his hands. His eyes snapped up as he heard the door slam and he cleared his throat hoarsely, his room was a mess, desks in a disarray, his desk empty, from throwing everything off of it, I assumed. Well, unless he developed some mystery telekinesis causing things to be moved around with a single thought. Maybe he over thought something causing his him to lose control. Hey, that could explain the room being a mess and his hair too.

Great, now I am developing some type of attention deficit disorder and I was letting my imagination run. Mentally sighing to myself, I remembered why I was here.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. I just forgot my book." I nodded toward my book, which was still on the desk, uncomfortably, what happened? Then I noticed something.

He cleared his throat again, "It's quite alright Bella. Do you need any help with anything?" He questioned me.

"Your hand is bleeding!" I walked over to it, grabbing it, and examining it.

He pulled his hand out of mine, "I'm fine, Bella. I don't even feel it." He grabbed a backpack that was next to his door.

"Let me walk you out. I should leave." He started gathering his stuff.

I waited for him next to the door, tapping my foot, and snapping my gum. I just wanted to escape. Today had been an odd day.

*************************

**EPOV**

"Isabella? Please stay after class today." I called to Bella. I needed to talk to her about what had happened yesterday.

I went to work, tried to teach these adolescents who showed disregard to learning, I gave out assignments, scheduled exams, graded papers, planned out more assignments. Ugh, my job was boring. The only good side about it was when someone actually understood something and their eyes would light up and they would smile brightly at me, excitement on their faces. The rest was boring. The pay sure sucked.

Maybe I should become a doctor, like Carlisle. I had always loved that about my father, and had always wanted to become one, but somewhere in college I met Tanya, and things changed, I changed. Being a fool I just had to switch majors and follow in her footsteps. It turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. She had burned me. Ever since then, I hadn't given any one else a chance. Why should I?

"What's your favorite color?" I heard Eric Crowley ask. I held back a growl. Why couldn't the boy just be quiet? I looked up at him, preparing to yell at him and separate him from his group, when I met Bella's eyes.

Her dark brown doe eyes pulled me in and I sighed quietly. She is my student, I reminded myself. A student, whom I was concerned about and who I needed to apologize to, for being concerned about her, although I'm sure she would just be cold, when I did apologize. Yes, I was alarmed by her behavior yesterday afternoon, but she quickly dismissed it after I attempted to check if she was okay.

Damn, she was still staring at me with those eyes. Get it together Edward!

"Green," She breathed, so quietly I could barely hear her. But I did hear her, and I held back a grin, but let a small smirk escape, before winking at her, clearing my throat and looking back at my papers. But, then I shook myself out of it, and fought the urge to _rake_ my hands through my hair. I couldn't think like that! I should act like I just did! I was her Teacher. She was my student. Teacher, Student. There is a big difference.

"Why?" I heard Tyler ask her, he didn't bother being quiet. He knew I could hear him, yet he didn't care.

"It doesn't matter, guys." I heard Bella snap, and I looked up to see her opening her book, her face annoyed. I wonder, what book does she continue to read? She always has a book with her, which I resent because that is also the reason that she doesn't pay attention in my class, well that and Eric and Tyler.

Seconds later, the bell rang, and I got out of my seat, and followed Bella as she jogged toward the door.

Just as she was about to turn the knob I grabbed her arm, asking to speak with her, she nodded, and then I remembered that me holding her arm could be placed as harassment. I let go quickly after that. I didn't want to take any chances with her father being the chief and all.

I walked over to my desk, expecting Bella to be behind me, but when I sat down, she wasn't there.

Suddenly, she groaned walking toward my desk, and sitting in one, directly in front of it.

"What did you want to speak to me about, Mr. Cullen?" She questioned me, icily.

"Um, Bella, I want to apologize for, er, upsetting you earlier this morning. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, and, well, you know, tell you that if you ever need someone, I'm always there." I nodded my head, at the end of my sentence.

"Mr. Cullen, I am fine. There is no need to treat me differently than you treat any other student because you saw me having a meltdown. Please treat me normally." Her voice was icy and annoyed. What happened to the Bella that I had seen this morning? I guess me being curious and concerned, had caused her to retreat back into her old ways once she realized that I was bringing something up that she did not want to discuss.

"All right, I understand. Forget it ever happened, right?" My voice was probably bitter but I didn't care, that's exactly what Tanya had said to me 'Forget it ever happened' right before she shut the door in my face. That was the last time I saw her. I bit my lip against the anger and pain. Why would she do that to me? How could she? She told me she loved me. Yet, her actions said very different. I couldn't open myself up to anyone after that. I would always be haunted by what she did to me. How could some one be so cold?

Bella thought that she could take care of herself, which wasn't at all true. She took care of everyone else around her_. _I knew that and I think the whole town knew it too. Charlie depended on her, and those two goofball boys she calls friends also showed that they depended on her. Not to mention, the rumors about how she took care of her immature mother back in Arizona until one day Chief Swan intervened. But that, man needed someone to watch after him too. She traded one problem for another.__She needed some one to take care of her for once.

Then I thought of something that I used to say in high school to my friends, "Shit happens," Is that really what I thought about life? I was such a stupid naïve child. How could I be so cruel to my friends?

"Yes. Forget it ever happened. Well, I better hurry to class. Bye," The door slamming before I even collected myself.

*********************************************

During my prep period, I tried to get some work done, planning the next weeks lesson, catching up in grades, etc.

My mind kept wandering back to Bella. She had said her favorite color was green. The color my eyes, for some reason whenever I thought about that, my stomach clenched.

I had to remember she was a student. She was a student. I repeated my new mantra in my head.

Teacher, Student. Teacher, Student. Remember that Edward!

But my mind went back to her laugh. She had laughed at how I had put staples in my pencils to indicate that they were mine. Hell, I laughed too. With these student never being prepared for class, I had to supply them with pencils, pencils I wanted returned to me. So, I had come up with an idea to mark the pencils as mine by placing a staple on them. Though that did not really help, seeing as the students continued to run off with them.

For that brief period during the tutoring session, she seemed different. She was not completely shut off as she usually was. No, she had relaxed a little and showed a different side to her that I had not seen. She usually was reading a book or joking around with those to annoying boys, and when she was not ignoring my class completely she would grace the class with her snappy remarks, but this morning was different.

Then she had closed herself off, when I had just wanted to help her. Bella went back to being the discourteous and difficult young lady I had known her to be. But, I noticed there were times when she was staring aimlessly, that her brown eyes held this inner misery. I sighed to myself.

What had caused that misery? What had caused that terrible sadness? It was obvious she was hiding something. What had made her so sorrowful? Was her father hurting her? The thought made me growl. But, it couldn't be him. I refused to think that. He was the chief of police! That wasn't it.

Then, something caught my eye as I looked around my empty class. Her book. I looked around the room again, as if someone was spying on me, and then looked back at the book. It was getting bigger and bigger the longer I stared at it, seeming as though it was calling my name, just telling me to go over and look at it.

I couldn't help myself. I stood up walking over to it, stiffly, businesslike, as if I was just a teacher looking at something left behind of a student, for a name, or something that could tell me who it belonged to, instead of some stalker that wanted to see what she was reading for his own weird intentions.

My eyebrows pulled together. There was nothing on the outside. It was just plain black. Then I opened the book and read the title page, my curiosity peaking. Nothing. There was no title? My eyebrows pulled together more. Then I realized something, the title page was ripped out. Why would some one rip out a title page? Perhaps it was an accident. I walked over to my desk, reading the first chapter, just to see if I had read it.

It was tragic, it was about a girl being kidnapped, taken away from her home, and taken away from her family and the life she knew. The book was about her hardships. I skipped to the back and looked at what happened. She dies. Why would Bella read something like that? Something so dark? She was so confusing, just when I thought I had her somewhat figured out I figured out something new about her, that opened up a whole universe of questions.

I put the book on the table she had left it on, walking back over to my desk, and thinking about her again.

Damn, it. This student was getting to me. There was something about Isabella Swan, that I could not understand and it was getting to me. I knew she was my student, yet there was something inside of me that wanted to figure it out. The way she seemed so broken after her small breakdown, got to me. Maybe, she was only putting a mask and acting the way she did for a reason? What happened to her that made her so haunted?

I scoffed to myself. I had enough problems of my own, I couldn't take on any one else's right now. I had enough of that. I had taken on Tanya's problems and look where that got me. Nowhere. In a job I hated, where I didn't get paid nearly enough to ever do anything fun. Because of decisions I had made based on the emotions I had for a lying woman.

And so, I finally lost it. I pushed all the things off my desk, feeling surrounded by too much, I stood up and leaned my head against the wall, trying to calm down, but failed when I punched it, making my knuckled bleed. What was wrong with me lately?

After my class was completely ruined, I sat down at my desk, trying to ignore the mess.

************************************************

I faintly heard the final bell ring and started to collect myself.

I knew that I could leave now, and I was going to take full advantage of that. Usually I would stay so I could help the students, but they would just have to come in tomorrow morning. Bella was all caught up, so I wouldn't see her.

Suddenly, I heard my door slam, and looked up, surprised. Bella was standing there, staring at me, confused. I was probably a sight: Annoyed face, hand bleeding, flushed, and my hair in a bigger disarray then usual.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. I just forgot my book." She nodded toward the book, keeping her eyes on it. That vulnerable side of her was coming out again, the sweet shy one. I stared at the book; did she realize I had read it? Did she know that I had thought that there was a secret she was keeping?

No, there was no way she could no that. I was just becoming paranoid.

I cleared my throat nervously, "It's quite alright Bella. Do you need any help with anything?"

"Your hand is bleeding!" She walked over to me, suddenly, grabbing my hand and examining it.

I yanked my hand out of hers, "I'm fine, Bella. I don't even feel it." I wasn't a child in need of her care.

"Let me walk you out. I should leave." I grabbed my backpack. I could be a gentleman.

She stood at my door, her foot tapping impatiently, as I grabbed my stuff. I stuffed it all in my small backpack, and threw on my leather jacket, picking up the backpack and heading toward her.

She flipped off the lights, and opened the door, not waiting for me. I sighed, quietly and hurried to the door.

She was holding it open. I should do that, a gentleman always opens the door for a lady. I would feel wrong if she was the one that was holding the door open for me. So I murmured to her that I had it and let her walk out, before locking the door behind me, and following her toward the parking lot.

There were two cars left.

My Volvo, and a beaten down Chevy truck, it was orange and looked like a beast to drive. Bella walked towards it. My eyes widened, and my eyebrows scrunched together. Shouldn't she be driving something safer? Something that wouldn't kill her with one roll? I had seen her once before, but I could've sworn that Tyler drove this and she drove a white Vanquish.

I walked with her, opening her door for her, just like a gentleman should.

"Thank you," She murmured, and I saw a small hint of the sweet, carefree Bella I had seen this morning, then she slammed the door, and put the keys in the ignition, the truck boomed so loud that I almost covered my ears. I stepped away from it, like it was a helicopter. It could cause me damage if I stood to close.

She pressed the gas down as hard as she could, and the truck sped off leaving smoke behind its path.

Leaving me standing behind her, watching her leave. Again.

**(A/n: Hey people! Thanks for the ten reviews! I want another ten for this chapter! I know for a fact that you people can do it! **

**I WILL NOT UPDATE UNTIL I GET TEN REVIEWS!!! **

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**BPOV**

I pushed the speed on my truck all the way home. What was wrong with him? Why was he so angry? Was he going to be okay? Thoughts plagued me, and I thought I might have to pull over to collect them because I was so distracted.

When I finally got home, I ran into the house-trying to get out of the rain- and decided to make dinner for Charlie and me.

I picked something that would take a long time and lots of concentration to cook: Home made pot pies.

I had always struggled with Pot pies. For some reason I could not make the crust come out right. So, I decided to cook something that would distract my mind as well as my hands. I started on the crust, kneading some dough and then putting it into the bowl-to let it rise, and then began sautéing some chicken, and vegetables.

It didn't take me long to realize that the only thing about this that occupied my mind was the dough. Everything else was easy. So, naturally my mind wandered.

What happened to make him so mad? What did they do? Was it a girlfriend? My chest tightened at that thought.

Then again, of course he had someone else. Why wouldn't he? He was beautiful and smart; and if someone had let him go there was obviously something wrong with them.

He was perfect. His beautiful disarray of hair, and his deep green eyes, he should have someone to love.

"Bells? Something smells good!" I heard Charlie.

I shook my head, and realized what I had been thinking of. Had I called him beautiful? And perfect? I obviously meant perfect for someone else. Not perfect for me, he was too old. He was my teacher, I was his student. Student, Teacher. There was a big difference. **(A/n: Sound familiar?)**

I heard Charlie's heavy steps in the kitchen, and shook my head again. I was loosing it. Charlie should call the insane house and tell them to save a room. Great, I was doing the weird mind thing again.

I turned around, expecting to see Charlie standing in the middle of the kitchen awkwardly, obviously not knowing how to do anything.

Instead, I was met with the site of Charlie, with Billy and Jacob. I hadn't seen them, since I very first moved back-which was about a year ago, and I was glad that they barely came around. Sometimes, Jacob made me feel so awkward.

Jacob had grown greatly, taller than me now. He had cut his hair and now it was just shaggy on top of his head, barely going to his earlobes. His eyes were shining, and he had that boyish grin on his face.

"Oh, hey guys! Wow, it's been a long time since I've seen you. How are you?" I asked, hugging Billy, than standing straight, and hugging Jake, awkwardly.

His arms wrapped around me, and I realized how muscular he'd gotten, I could barely wrap my arms around his shoulders.

After a moment I tried to step back, but Jacob wouldn't let go of me. I heard a peel of laughter from the men.

"My food is burning." I said as an excuse, I wanted him to let me go, he was reminding me of what_ he_ did.

He pouted, obviously disappointed, but let go of me, anyway, and I sighed in relief, closing my eyes, calming my thumping heart.

I walked over to my food, and stirred it, before putting it onto a plate so I could scoop it into the pie, and bake it.

"We don't want to impose, Bella. Do you have enough food for us?" I heard Billy's voice, question me. Of course I had enough. I made enough for an eight member family.

"More than enough, I always make leftovers for Charlie's lunches and enough so I don't have to cook at all on the weekends." I babbled.

The boys laughed, and I turned around to see Billy eyeing Jake. "Are you sure you got enough food for Jake, here? He eats like a wolf." **(A/n: that was just an innuendo. Jacob is human.)**

I eyed him, he was very skinny, and how much could he possibly eat? The again, _he _didn't look very dangerous either.

"I'm pretty sure." I said. After all, I had plenty of pot pie, enough to feed a family of four, plus roles, and a salad, and dessert.

"Well we're going to go watch the game." Charlie said, wheeling Billy into the living room, leaving me alone with Jake.

I turned back to my filling, scooping it into the pie, trying to ignore his presence in the kitchen with me.

"Do you need any help, Bella?" I heard Jacob's voice behind me.

I nodded, "There are some roles in the fridge, will you put them on a pan for me?" I asked him that way I knew what he was doing at all times.

I heard him walk over to the fridge, and I started to put the dough on the top of the pie.

"So, Jacob, how's school going?" I tried to make small talk, as he came to stand next to me to put the roles on a pan.

"Good, good." He murmured, rolling the dough into little balls.

"That's great. Have you found a girl you like yet?" I teased him, trying to be playful, lighthearted.

He looked down at me, "I think I have." He said huskily.

I looked away, uncomfortable, before throwing the pie into the oven, and saying a quick 'see you in a minute' to Jacob, before running up to my room, to do my science homework.

It didn't take long, so I started up my laptop, checking my e-mail, and sending one to my mom, to keep her from worrying, although she never replied.

I browsed through books on Amazon, looking for something good to read. Nothing. And that didn't help me one bit, Forks library was about the size of one wing of Phoenixes'.

The food, I suddenly remembered! I ran down the stairs, and into the kitchen, being careful not to trip over my own feet, and tore open the oven door. It was okay. The crust was just browning.

I pulled it out, and grabbed the roles, before setting the table, carefully, absentmindedly thinking about cooking food for Edward. Would he like my food? I shook my head, it didn't matter, he was my teacher. _Student, Teacher_. I repeated my mantra.

"Guys, food!" I hollered for everyone to come in.

The boys clambered in, Charlie and Billy acting like teenage boys.

Jacob sat down across from me, and Billy and Charlie at the ends of the table.

"Wow, Bella, this looks really good. Thank you." Billy thanked me.

"No problem, Uncle Billy." I'd always called him that, since I was little. I loved the memories of happiness. The ones where there wasn't that nagging sense of sadness that just fought to overwhelm me.

He laughed a little and smiled at me, "I can't believe you're still calling me that. It makes me feel old."

Charlie cut in, "You are old." And the boys were laughing, while I escaped into myself, trying to think of happy things.

I thought of green grass in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers. I thought of beautiful green eyes, staring back at me.

No, Bella! You must not think of him like that. Don't think of him at all… besides, what point was there having me think too much of him. I was a student, who must annoy him in some level. He was my teacher who tried to teach me. It is was simple.

I moved my food around my plate slowly, looking forward to the next morning when I could go to school.

School could be my safe haven.

Or it could be my nightmare.

I barely ate anything, and then I excused myself, making some lame excuse of a ton of homework and not being hungry.

I locked my door once I got up to my room, sitting on my bed and reading my book.

I finished it. She died.

I knew it was going to happen; this was based on a true story. But it still depressed me nonetheless.

This book was perfect for escaping my world. It was perfect for being gone for a little while; the story was just captivating enough to let my mind wander out of my own world and into another's. That was the beauty of reading; you could leave your own life, and go into another's.

I went to my book shelf, putting it away, and moved onto the next book that I hadn't read-I had a whole shelf of books that I hadn't read, that I had just bought off of Amazon Books.

I grabbed it, dumping it into my back pack so I could take it to school tomorrow, and got into bed, leaving my light on.

If I had my light on, maybe the nightmares wouldn't be so bad. Maybe…

*******************************************************

I sat up, in my bed in a cold sweat, panting, and a knot in my chest, as adrenaline burst through my veins.

I slowly eased back on to my pillow, feeling it wet from my sweat. I took deep breaths. Trying to calm down.

It turns out that leaving the light on doesn't help at all. I looked over at my clock. It was a respectable time to wake up.

I clambered out of bed, and into the bathroom, ready for a shower, my hair was absolutely soaked.

I felt all the sweat being washed away with the hot water and sighed, washing my hair.

After my shower I headed to my room, pulling on some clothes, and heading down the stairs to grab some breakfast.

I made some hash browns and scrambled eggs and sat at the table, the blue dawn, just beginning to come into the window, feeling alone.

***********************************************************

I made my way into Mr. Cullen's room, hours later, ready for class. I was late again.

"Do you like to make a habit of being late, Bella?" He asked me, clearly annoyed.

"I'm not late. I'm fashionably early for tomorrow, Mr. Cullen" I sarcastically retorted, throwing him a smile as I walked by.

The day had been torture, Eric and Tyler had gotten suspended so I was all alone, but I had been excited to arrive to my math class. Somewhere I started to feel__like I could be myself. Sort of.

I saw Mr. Cullen cough into his fist to hide a laugh, and he smiled brightly at me, catching onto my good mood.

He taught the lesson, fighting a smile the entire time, then sat down at his desk.

Why was he still smiling? Was it because of me? No! He was probably having a good day or made up with his girlfriend. I think I was getting nauseous at the latter thought.

"Where'd your loser friends go, Bella?" Lauren asked me, she had not bothered me in ages, waiting until I was in a good mood to strike. She had waited an awful long time for this moment.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me some rumors you've made up and I'll figure out one that sounds nearest to the truth." I replied calmly, getting started on the assignment.

"So, why are you actually doing your work? This class is so lost to you, Isabella. Your wasting your time." Jessica said to me, changing the subject.

"If I want to do my assignment and try to get a good grade, well it is my time to waste_."_ I said, raising my eyebrows, while staring at her like she had two heads.

They stopped talking after that. I looked up at Mr. Cullen; he smiled at me, and gave me an encouraging smirk.

Once he was back to working on whatever was on his desk, the whispering started_._

"I heard that her Mom thought that she was too much to deal with, so she shipped her off here, where her dad is a chief of police, to keep her line, if he even is her real dad." Okay, that hurt. My mom loved me. She really did. She was just busy with Phil, in the honey mooning stage. Besides, what was it to them?!

"Yea, then he caught her the night he got there drinking booze, and he threw her into the slammer." That was not true! I'd never been in jail! Unless you counted school as one, that is. Charlie would never do that to me! He loved me!

Tears welled up in my eyes; did they still have to talk about this? Yeah, I made some mistakes and got shipped off to Forks. It's been a year, and I still get talked about.

My mom loved me. She did. She was just busy with Phil.

Then I remembered the fact that Mom 'forgot' my birthday this year. She was just busy, she does care! I tried to reassure myself.

The tears were going to leak out any second, so I grabbed my book and assignment, and stood up, they weren't going to get the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"Mr. Cullen, I need to go to the bathroom." I walked to his desk, my voice cracking when I spoke.

He glanced at the clock. "Can you wait five minutes?"

"No," I blinked, trying to get the tears back.

He finally looked up at me, and shock covered his face, as he saw a small tear leak out. I quickly wiped it away.

He nodded solemnly, and I ran out the door, and towards the parking lot. I was skipping geography, I'd go and see Eric and Tyler, and they would make me feel better. Then I thought of someone else, someone who had offered their help before.

No! No, Edward is your teacher. _Teacher, Student._

I didn't bother stopping at my locker, I didn't have any homework. I continued to run with tears streaming as I reached the parking lot in right when the bell rang.

"Bella!" I heard my name being called, but I ignored it, getting into my _truck_. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

I started up the engine, and was about to speed out, but two hands grabbed onto my door, where the window was rolled down. I was surprised, yet relieved to see it was no one other than Mr. Cullen. He was here, panting trying to regain his composure after he run to catch up with me.

"Bella, what happened? What's wrong?" His face showed panic and concern_._

"I'm fine." I whispered, lying through my teeth. Lying to myself.

His eyebrows pulled together. "Talk to me, tell me what is bothering you." He told me, trying to get me to spill. "If not as your teacher, than a someone I can assure who will listen. A confidant."

He sounded sincere. I nodded slowly. I was going to regret this when I walked into the math building tomorrow and he was calling role.

He opened my door, and I got out of my truck as he led me toward his class room.

I tried to ignore how his kindness and soft words affected me.

I started to have a mini panic attack on the way to his class room. What if I accidentally spilled too much? He was my teacher for heavens sake! I couldn't be friends with a teacher! That's just not how it was. Teachers were like your parents. You weren't friends with your parents. It was virtually impossible. I couldn't be friends with some one that would just reprimand me and scold me. Wait, he said confidant. Confidants were different. They were not your parents. Could I confide in him? I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

Edward was my teacher. But at the same time, I felt so comfortable, so safe around him, like nothing could hurt me. Ugh, I was so confused.

When we got to his room, we sat down in the desks, he took a seat next to me.

"What happened?" He asked me while his gaze was locked onto me.

"Life happened," I replied softly, vaguely not to give away anything. I knew that I would regret this, but I didn't know it would be so soon. My heart started to race thinking of the outcome. What was I supposed to say, without sounding like a whiny little girl? What can I say to make him ignore my newest meltdown?

He raised his eyebrows waiting for me to continue.

"Lauren and Jessica still think I'm the juiciest gossip."

He laughed quietly.

"What nonsense rumors did they come up this time?" He asked a bit irritated.

"Not much. That's what hurts so much. On most of it they were dead on." I blurted out and then fought the urge to cover my eyes in annoyance. Why did I have to be such a push over?

He frowned, "What were they right about?"

"A lot." I decided that I didn't want to talk about it. Forget that he wanted me to talk with about what was bothering me, I wanted to run. I wanted to forget everything.

"Well I remember some wild rumors at my high school. One in particular about my sister, Alice. The students there went on about how she was an obsessive shopping fanatic that drove my father to cut all her credit cards, and when he had enough of her behavior he sent her to a rehab facility that had a shopaholic anonymous program.

Truth was that she was addicted to shopping, hell she still is. But, my father would never dare to take her money away. We each value our life too much to dare cross that line. We don't want to die. " His eyes widened as he said the last sentence, and he dragged his finger across the middle of his neck overdramatically.

I smiled.

"It's true! She's terrible! Even _I'm_ afraid of her, and she's barely five feet tall!" He laughed.

"Hey! Don't make fun of us short people!" I slapped his arm playfully.

We laughed quietly, together. And I closed my eyes, he was my teacher. He couldn't be mine. _Wouldn't._ I fought back the feeling of my heart dropping to the floor at that thought, and closed my eyes, searching for some kind of composure. _This was wrong._

"So, are you ready to talk about it now?" He asked me with a little hope in his voice.

"No," I shook my head simply, I didn't want to talk about it. He slumped back in his chair defeated.

The silence was awkward after that, silent, and intense. He wanted to know. I could feel it. But I ignored the feeling, and broke the silence.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked him, trying to break the deafening silence, remembering when Eric and Tyler had been wondering the same question yesterday.

His green eyes looked into mine and he smiled a small smile, "Brown."

**(A/N: HEY!!! Don't worry guys, Jacob will play a very minuscule role in this story, due to the fact that I hate him.**

**OKAY PEOPLE! I WANT TEN REVIEWS FOR THIS ONE! TRY PEOPLE, TRY! I'm already like three chapters ahead of you guys. All they need to do is be Beta'd and posted. So, if you want the chapters. REVIEW!!!**

**Flamers will be blocked.**

**P.S. - My Beta:** **Broken Nightingale has added a story to her profile. Check it out.)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

BPOV

I had a hard time falling asleep that night. It was not the fear that prevented me from getting the rest I needed. I was so tired that I did want to sleep, but thoughts of Mr. Edward Cullen kept repeating themselves, keeping me awake.

He had looked into my eyes intently that afternoon, then another teacher had walked in before I could say anything back. The young woman told Edward that he was late for the next chapter planning meeting.

Edward had smiled at her, politely, but you could see the frustration in his eyes.

I stood up, wanting nothing than to run out of there. The trance I was in before, had broken, and I knew I did not want to talk about it.

"Thank you for your wonderful help, Mr. Cullen. I really appreciate it." I had mumbled, and then booked out of there, almost knocking over the lady standing at the door.

This wasn't right! Mr. Edward Cullen and I were teacher and student! I could not think of him more than a teacher. For goodness sake I still called him Mr. Edward Cullen, that right there should show how forbidden any thoughts of him were. What is wrong with me?!

I remembered seeing documentaries at home on TV and thought about how disgusting it was when a teacher was with a student. And now I was becoming one of those students! I was disgusted with myself.

I cringed at the thought that any thoughts of him being my friend or anything more, was just that. It would only be a thought, nothing more. I can't allow myself to give my trust or have myself become infatuated with a man who was my teacher_. _

Even if there was a possibility of having Edward in my life as something more than a teacher, he could be judged with being too friendly with a student. He could lose his job if people were to talk. And it would be my fault.

Eventually I fell asleep, with thoughts of Edward staring at me intently with his gorgeous emerald eyes.

***************************

When I woke up the next morning, I dragged myself out of bed, and got ready for school, forcing myself the whole way. Today I wanted to skip. I didn't want to be there.

So, that's exactly what I did. Half way to school, I turned my truck around and headed to Port Angeles, searching for a book store.

I eventually made it there, and shopped aimlessly in stores for a while, buying a tank top here, and a pair of pants there. When I finally found a book store, I walked in and explored for hours, getting about fifteen books in the end and spending my one hundred dollar budget for the day. Most girls would rather spend their entire money on clothes, but I preferred to indulge myself on books.

I went in my car, and pulled back the emergency fifty I always kept hidden in, and went to lunch. Afterwards, I went to a park and found an empty bench, where I could relax and read.

_  
_I don't know how long I was there for, but eventually I heard a voice calling my name.

"Bella?" I would recognize that voice anywhere.

It was Mr. Cullen's.

"What are you doing here?" He smiled brightly at me.

"Well…I got a leave. And my dad thought that I might need a break, ya know…okay. I'm playing hooky." I admitted, hanging my head in shame.

He laughed sitting down next to me.

"So am I." He whispered quietly and I turned to him in shock. He hadn't missed more than one day the whole entire school year.

"Oh." I whispered, looking away awkwardly. Why did everything with him have to be either awkward or have a sense of comfort to it?

"Bella…W-We need to talk about yesterday." He stated, and my head snapped toward his.

"No! We don't! Forget it ever happened." I snapped, standing up with my book in my hands, and I ran away from him. I ran away from Mr. Cullen, straight to my truck, and I sped away from the park with tears in my eyes.

******************************************

The whole reason that I skipped school for the day was to avoid him, yet there he was, there again. I could never get him out of my mind, and even worse, when I tried my hardest to get away from him he was always there, he was like my worst nightmare wrapped up in a perfect dream.

Like a devil and an angel, sent from heaven to save me.

No. No, I couldn't tell him that. No, I couldn't tell him about what happened to me. I wouldn't. No body knew but Tyler and Eric, and no body else would know. I wouldn't allow anyone one else to know my secret.

When I finally got home, I ran up the stairs, and started to read again, loosing myself in the pages of the book, and diving into someone else's life.

A better life.

*******************************

Charlie ordered pizza that night, sensing my mood. I didn't come down for dinner again, just grabbed four pieces of pizza and ran up to my room to eat them.

I only ate two.

And then I read some more. That night I ended up reading until I passed out with my book lying open on the pillow next to me.

**********************************************

The next day at school was torture. I was sleep deprived, Tyler and Eric were still suspended, and Mike Newton was following me around like a love sick puppy dog. Or should I say a hormonal puppy? Ugh, I could not stand him.

I sat alone at lunch, and headed to Biology alone. It was terrible not having my friends with me. Then, Mike cornered me in the hall.

"Bella, admit to yourself that you like me. I know you do." He said to me, and I fought back a little flash back of when _he_ had said those exact same words to me. I felt disgusted and scared.

"Leave me alone, Mike." I practically begged him, heading out the door, toward Mr. Cullen's room instead. The one place that I would feel safe from him. I pleaded with whatever god could hear me that Mr. Cullen would be in his classroom. Maybe he could save me.

Mike suddenly grabbed my arm, and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me.

I scream loudly and pushed at him, as what _he_ did to me came back full force. I could not stop the tears that streamed down my face.

"What are you doing to her?!" I heard Mr. Cullen's voice and started to calm down slightly.

What was wrong with me? Calming down from a man's voice? This was not me!

Those thoughts just made me cry harder.

I suddenly felt warm arms around me, and a sweet musky scent filled my senses as I buried my face into his shoulder, calming down as he hushed me and cooed at me.

When I finally opened my eyes, the hall way was empty and Mike was no where to be seen.

"It is okay, Bella." Mr. Cullen said soothingly, before he pulled me slightly away from him. He lifted my chin with his fingers. "Isabella, we need to talk, no more running away."

**(A/N: Okay, I'm exhausted which is highly pathetic since it's only eleven, but I was up at like eight. So I'm sending this off to my beta and then sleeping till noon.**

_**REVIEWS WILL MAKE ME WRITE FASTER!! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED DON"T YOU?! DON"T DENY YOURSELVES!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!)**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

_**A/N: READERS BE WARNED. **_

_**THIS CHAPTER IS SOMEWHAT GRAPHIC!!! BELLA EXPLAINS WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!!**_

Chapter Seven

BPOV

Mr. Edward Cullen led me to his class room, his hand on my back, like he was preventing me from getting away. Stopping me from running away like I wanted to do.

I sat down slowly in my seat, biting my lower lip nervously. He pulled a desk to sit right next to mine, picking up my hand and holding it softly.

I questioned why he seemed to care so much, he was only my teacher. A teacher I was growing fond of, whether it was because he did show concern or maybe because he made me feel oddly safe with him.

"Now, Isabella, please tell me what is bothering you? Tell me what is going on?" He murmured, squeezing my hand, "Please confide in me, as a friend." He whispered reassuringly to me.

I looked away from him, sighing reluctantly as I kept my gaze on the door.

"It happened when I went to a party with Eric and Tyler. T-They automatically went off to go flirt with some girls. It was my first party, so I just went over and stood in a corner of the room awkwardly.

"Nobody seemed to notice me, and I was kind of glad, I loved to be invisible back then, but I've learned my lesson. Invisibility isn't what I thought it was." I looked over at Edward, and his eyebrows were pulled together, his eyes holding an emotion I did not understand. One of his hands still held one of mine, and I noticed his other hand was squeezed into a fist, he was angry.

I looked away again, not wanting to think about what was going through his mind. Edward gently moved so his arm was around my shoulders.

"Please continue, Isabella." He begged. I sighed lightly, I would rather slide down a bunch of sharp razors buck naked. Well, maybe not, but the point was that I did not want to carry on this conversation. I did not want to tell Mr. Cullen…Edward what happened to me.

"After a while, I went to go find Eric and Tyler because I was so bored. I remember pushing through the dance floor, which was basically the living room, and I was grabbed by my arm, with what seemed like a really big hand.

"I turned around and there he was. He was tall and he was somewhat cute. I wasn't really interested though. I was more annoyed.

"Well, he asked me if I wanted to dance, and I said no, and he told me that no wasn't an option.

"I told him that maybe we could dance later, but I had to find my friends, so he asked what my friends' names were. I told him Tyler and Eric's names, and he told me that he saw them around the corner of the hallway.

"Being a naïve me, I turned the corner waiting to see them there, but was no one there. I realized what was going on, that he had lied to me.

"I turned around to run, but he was right there, blocking my way. I tried to get away from him, except he grabbed my arm and forced me into the nearest door which happened to lead to a bedroom.

"He threw me on the bed, and got on top of me. That's when my senses finally came in and I started screaming as loud as I could for Eric and Tyler…but…the music was so loud…." I trailed off, realizing that I had just said that. Out loud. To my teacher.

I moved to stand up, feeling the tears falling down my face, I needed to escape. However Edward stopped me, placing a hand gently on my shoulder. At first I flinched at his touch, and then when I remembered that is was Edward trying to comfort me, I felt ashamed that I would react that way to him. So, I let myself sink back in to my seat.

"Bella, please tell me." He implored me.

I placed my elbows on my desk and buried my face in my hands.

"Please" He murmured. His plea made me turn my head and look at him. He was giving me that same smoldering look that he gave me in class the other day. His wide eyes were intense and beseeching.

I took a deep breath, trying to find it in me to get this over with.

" I tried to fight him. I tried to get him off of me, but I was so weak. I said no and yelled for my friends' help. But he did not care. He kissed forcefully where ever he could reach, and his hands would not let me go, he was so strong.

"H-he…He didn't go all the way. I never stopped screaming. When he struggled to get his pants off with one hand and keeping me close with his other, that is when the door burst open and Eric and Tyler threw him off of me.

"They beat him to near death. There was so much blood everywhere. And he was begging them to stop, but Tyler kept saying 'did you stop when she begged you to?' Somehow they found a baseball bat, and they beat him up with it, finally some people in the hall heard the commotion and walked in, they pulled Eric and Tyler off of him. At that time, I barely got up off the bed and no one noticed me, no one saw me holding myself with tears running down my face. I stood there amongst the crowd, a nobody to them.

" Eric and Tyler got me out of there quick. We left, and they bought me ice cream.

"They stayed with me all night that night, telling jokes and making me forget. That's why we're so close. They may look like idiots on the outside, but they are softies on the inside." Somewhere during my story, my mouth just started talking while I drifted away, recalling that night. My chest tightened thinking about the whole thing.

A squeeze on my hand brought me back to the present and I gasped.

I had just told Edward everything.

Everything.

My biggest secret, the thing that I had never told anybody before, I had told him.

I gasped, standing up and running out of the room. I felt to ashamed, to embarrassed to face Edward.

He didn't stop me.

****************************************

Later that night, I sat in my room, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. I had just told my teacher what I had told no one before.

Eric and Tyler knew what happened, but they had never brought it up. We had never really discussed it. It was almost like we had a silent pact to not mention what happened, but we knew it did. I knew it did.

Bringing my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and shook my head in disappointment.

I told Edward everything. I can't believe I had trusted him!

What was I thinking?!

Edward Cullen was my teacher. A teacher I was getting comfortable with because I felt for a few moments I would be alright.

But, the look in his eyes, as though he was pleading with me to trust him. Almost like he wanted to protect me, no matter what.

After everything that had happened between my math teacher and I, I had to go screw it up. I thought we were on the road to becoming _friends _of some sort. Something a little bit more than teacher and student.

No, that was wrong. I had already thought about this before. Teacher, student. Nothing more.

_Ding-Dong_

I sighed, Charlie was still at the station, so I had to go down the stairs and open the door.

I pulled myself out of bed lazily, trudging down the steps, half groggy.

I flicked on the porch light, unchaining the lock, and opening the door.

I gasped when I saw who was standing there this late in the afternoon.

Mr. Cullen.

**(A/n: I'm leaving cliff hangers until I get some damn reviews! So! You want more!! You want to know what happens, don't you? Well then review!!)**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Twilight novels. 

_**~~~Chapter Eight~~~**_

**EPOV**

I was relieved that I was able to calm Bella down. As I led her to my classroom, enjoying the feeling of my hand on her back and the warmth that radiated from her. Sighing, I quickly replayed what had just happened.

A scream is what got me running into the hallway. Mike Newton was manhandling Bella when I approached the scene. Anger boiled within in me seeing Bella struggle to get out of his grasp. I yelled at Mike and quickly went into protective mode, rushing to Bella's side, enveloping her in an embrace.

As quickly as I held Bella in my arms, trying to reassure her that she was safe, an immediate spark ran through my body, something I have never felt before. It was new and it was nice.

Mike Newton disappeared, running like the coward he was. I don't know what I would have done to him if he was still in front of me. I know I am a teacher and that I shouldn't strike a student; but I wanted nothing more than to beat that adolescent male.

I looked down at the girl n my arms, tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was clinging to me with all her strength. I ran my fingers through her silky hair in a constant soothing manner, trying to get her to settle down. She buried her face into my chest, her sobbing becoming softer as I told her that it was going to be okay.

When she finally calmed down, I had told her that she was going to tell me what was wrong. I wasn't going to take _no _for answer anymore. After the number of times I have seen her look so broken in tears, I couldn't just ignore that there was something that had Bella so torn.

She was going to tell me what was wrong. I _needed_ to know, that way I could find a way to help her.

When we entered my classroom and took sat in two of the student desks, I moved the desk I occupied and placed it so I was sitting right next to her. Bella was biting her bottom lip. I had seen her do this often, but right now I wanted to kiss her beautiful full lips.

_No, Edward! You mustn't think that way! _I scolded myself. Bella was here with me to finally tell me what was wrong, and I was not going to make her uncomfortable with my mind racing about her luscious lips.

I knew how stubborn Bella could be, she was in my class after all. I just hoped that this time she would truly confide in me. I wanted her to trust me and tell me what was going on. The thought that she would and will trust me, sent a warm feeling from my heart and soared to the rest of my body. I chastised myself again for letting my absurd emotions and thoughts get out of hand.

There was an awkward silence as I waited for Bella to talk. I realized that she wasn't going to start the conversation, so I was going to have to break the silence first.

"Now, Isabella, please tell me what is bothering you? Tell me what is going on?" I said as I absent mindedly reached for her hand and squeezed it lightly. Warm sparks flew from her hand to mine. Again that new feeling spread like a wild fire through me. "Please confide in me, as a friend." I whispered to her all the while pleading with her in my mind to let me in.

Suddenly, she began to talk and told me about how she had gone to a party with those goofball boys she called friends. They had automatically gone off to explore the party, leaving her alone. That sent another fit of anger through me and I automatically fisted my hand that wasn't holding hers. How could they just leave her there? What kind of friends were they?

She kept looking away from me, not daring to look me in the eye, and I wanted to put my fingers under her chin so she would look at me; but I knew I couldn't. Bella was my student and yes I was concerned for her, yet my wanting to comfort her was out of the scope of my profession. I had already shown behavior that would be considered to others as inappropriate.

She couldn't be mine. That thought sent an unbelievable pain through me, and I shook from the intensity of it. I released the hold I had on her hand, and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, in a sideway embrace. It was meant to bring comfort to her, but it also brought me some comfort.

"Please continue, Isabella." I begged her. I wanted to know what happened. Although, I had a sinking feeling about what might have happened to her.I hoped that I wasn't right.

Bella told me how she had become more uncomfortable as time went on and she went to find Eric and Tyler, only to have a young man intervene. This _man _made her believe that her friends were nearby, and she did not see any reason why he would lie. She trusted his words quickly, only wanting to find her friends and leave, she had not further questioned him.

Bella was so innocent to not see a reason to why that man would lie. I felt awful and gut retching, thinking that man had taken advantage of her naivety and innocence. I prayed to God that he had not taken her innocence, that he had not violated her.

She continued with her story, telling me that when she did not see her friends that her mind clicked. She wanted to get out of there fast, but was blocked by that revolting sorry excuse for a man.

When she told me that, I saw red and there was a faint buzzing in my ears. I gripped the side of the desk, clenching my teeth together and glaring straight ahead of me, looking, but not seeing anything.

I wanted to kill him.

I closed my eyes, feeling them tear up with anger and sadness as she told me about her struggle. My anger was reaching new levels. The way her voice broke and the fear she had made me think of Rosalie. Rosalie had been raped and that had affected her so much; by the sound of it, Bella had been too.

I desperately wanted to comfort Bella, to hold her in my arms and promise her that it would never happen again, that everything was going to be okay.

In that instant, I wanted Bella to accept me. I wanted to help her build her life that I sought to be a part of. I don't care what other people would think. We could get married, and I would take care of her, making sure no one ever harmed her again. I would help her heal, just like Emmett helped Rosalie.

Unexpectedly, Bella moved to stand up, tears streaming down her face. My heart broke. I put my hand on my shoulder, trying to get her to stay with me. I couldn't let her go. I _couldn't. _

I _needed_ her here with me, so that I may be able to help her.

"Bella, please tell me." I begged her again. I would do anything to get her to stay with me.

She sat back down and put her head in her hands, letting a tiny sob escape, as she shook her head.

"Please" I begged her, quietly. I regretted it. She shouldn't have to tell me, the only reason I was asking her was so that she would stay with me, to let me be the one to get her through this. I know it was selfish to hope that she would let me, but I wanted the chance.

"I tried to fight him. I tried to get him off of me, but I was so weak. I said no and yelled for my friends' help. But he did not care. He kissed forcefully where ever he could reach, and his hands would not let me go, he was so strong." I closed my eyes again, thinking of the ways I could kill this bastard for hurting her.

"H-he…He didn't go all the way."

I felt relief burst through me, removing my tense state and making my body loosen into the seat.

"I never stopped screaming. When he struggled to get his pants off with one hand and keeping me close with his other, that is when the door burst open and Eric and Tyler threw him off of me.

"They beat him to near death. There was so much blood everywhere. And he was begging them to stop, but Tyler kept saying 'did you stop when she begged you to?' Somehow they found a baseball bat, and they beat him up with it, finally some people in the hall heard the commotion and walked in, they pulled Eric and Tyler off of him. At that time, I barely got up off the bed and no one noticed me, no one saw me holding myself with tears running down my face. I stood there amongst the crowd, a nobody to them.

" Eric and Tyler got me out of there quick. We left, and they bought me ice cream.

"They stayed with me all night that night, telling jokes and making me forget. That's why we're so close. They may look like idiots on the outside, but they are softies on the inside."

She was never raped.

Those words sent relief through me, but I was still upset, obviously she was still affected from the attack.

Tyler and Eric did seem like complete idiots to me, yet they were pretty good guys I had to admit, for beating that man to near death. That's what I would've done if not more. The goofballs had stopped it. They had saved Bella.

I never wanted anything like that to happen to anyone, especially not my Bella.

…My Bella?

I squeezed her shoulder, trying to get her to look at me, so I could hug her and tell her that it would all be all right. Instead she gasped, and jumped away from me.

Bella ran out of my room, quicker than I had ever seen her run before, and I sat back in my desk, deciding to let her go. She needed time alone.

I laid my head in my hands and thought back over the conversation.

No one should have gone through what she did. The anger in me built to a rage that really wanted to be released. I wanted to find out who was that bastard that hurt Bella, and I wanted to kill him.

Wait, why didn't she report the incident? Her father is the Chief of Police, I would think he would want justice for his daughter.

No, Bella didn't let anyone else know what happened to her, besides her two friends, and now myself. She probably felt too ashamed and scared of the whole situation. And even if she did report it, her friends may have trouble on their hands given that they beat the bastard half to death.

Did she blame herself? Did she still feel disgusted with everything? Did she feel she could not trust anyone?

Why had I let her run off? Why I had I done that? Why couldn't I just have run after her and made her talk to me so I could tell her that it is not her fault? To tell her it is alright to trust me, that I would never ever want to harm her.

Because I was her teacher that is why. Lines were not supposed to be crossed.

I stood up, putting my hand on the underside of the desk that I was sitting in and threw it upward, letting out a roar.

******************************************************

By the time I got home, it was already dark outside. Inside my small townhouse, I sat on my couch thinking about her.

I ran through the whole situation in my mind. I thought about how things had changed in the last few days. My reaction towards Bella was more than I had responded to anyone in the last few years.

How had it gone from being curious to why my Isabella Swan was not applying herself in school, to not being able to stop thinking about her and wanting to help her with every fiber of my being?

I know my behavior had become more bold where it concerned her. Instead of acting like a teacher, I was starting to act like a man who wanted to help a young woman who he cared about. Just thinking that my actions had scared my Bella, caused me to panic. Should have been more careful of how I went about things. I should have cautioned a better way to befriend her and get her to talk to me.

Suddenly, I realized that in all my thoughts, I had began calling her mine. I sighed at that. Maybe I was more forgone than I initially considered.

I remembered seeing her crying and looking like she was having a anxiety attack outside the school building. I wanted to help her then. Then when she showed up for the tutoring session the next day, she had seemed a bit relaxed with me during that time. Bella seemed to be comfortable with no other students around, and had behaved in a friendly manner towards me…well at least until I brought up what happened the day before.

Somehow, in a rapid twist of events, I felt different. These passed few days, I have desperately wanted to keep Bella near me, to keep her with. I wanted to be around her and for her to _want _to be around me.

As crazy as it sounded, I never wanted to let her go.

I had kept my distance from Bella for so long. Fighting my curiosity about her, I was rather rude to her, treating her like a insubordinate student instead of figuring out what emotion was getting to me.

But once I saw those deep brown eyes shedding tears and showing fear, my walls came down. She unknowingly pulled me in, she had grabbed hold of my heart.

At first I thought it was an inappropriate infatuation, when I would imagine what it would be like to kiss her. Then I even considered that I was losing my mind in the purgatory that was high school. Yet, no matter what kind of rationalization I did, I knew I cared for Bella. I cared for her more than a teacher should care for a student.

I thought about it, over and over again. My thoughts and emotions emitted that I did more than care for Isabella Swan. Factoring in the way I wanted to protect her, see her smile, see her laugh, make sure she was happy… I figured it out.

I was in love with Bella.

I was in love with my student.

I had fallen hard and fast, for Bella.

Damn, what was I supposed to do now?

******************************************************

Somehow I had ended up standing in front of her door, knocking.

I considered running away once I realized what I was doing. I could easily get back into my car and speed off before she even answered.

No, that would be cowardly.

Wait, what if the chief answered? What was I going to do? What was I expecting when I came here? I certainly wasn't going to tell her that I loved her, I couldn't.

_What had I done?_

I started to turn around ready to book out of there, when the door swung open and she stood there, staring at me in shock.

Shit.

******************************************************

**BPOV**

"What the heck are you doing here?" I blurted out, then blushed hotly, so I looked down at the ground trying to hide my immediate embarrassment.

Did I really just say what I think I said?

I looked up when I heard him chuckle, and saw that he was smiling at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. His face was serious and somewhat apprehensive.

"May I come in?" Edward asked softly.

I nodded, a little dazed and absolutelyshocked that he was even here.

Thankfully, I had enoughsense to stand to the side to allow him to come in. As he gradually walked inside, he stood next to me. I didn't move, a bit taken aback by his movement. I just stood there like an idiot, my jaw hanging open, my eyes wide, and still holding onto the door knob.

"Bella?" He asked, hesitantly, "Is this a bad time?"

No, not a bad time. I just forgot how to function after my teacher who I have had trouble _not_ thinking about, shows up on my front door at night…oh I forgot I also confessed to said teacher about an incident I never talked about after it happened. But other than that, right now is a good time to visit me.

"Bella?"

His voice snapped me back into reality and I slightly jumped, finally coming to my wits. I shut the door and turned to him.

"Umm...I can take your coat." I said, a little awkwardly, putting my hands in my jeans pocket-which I still hadn't changed out of- and rocking back and forth on my heels.

Edward chuckled a little, under his breath and took off his black leather jacket, handing it to me.

I grabbed onto the collar of it, and his smell hit my senses strongly. It was so unbearably sweet. Not like anything I'd ever smelled before. It didn't smell like food, or cologne, it just smelled so completely like him_. _It absolutely reeked of his fabulous personality.

I fought the urge to bury my nose in it, and instead hung it on the wooden coat rack next to the door. It's a shame that I didn't take advantage of inhaling his wonderful scent when he was consoling me earlier today.

"Did you want anything to drink?" I asked, turning back to him.

His eyebrows pulled together, and he shook his head.

"No, thank you." He murmured.

I nodded, looking down at the ground again. Okay, my teacher was in my house, at night, nothing weird about that, right? Wrong.

I pulled my hand out of my pocket, motioning to the living room for him to sit down.

Edward made his way to the couch and sat down, looking up at me and patting the cushion next to him.

What! He wanted me to sit next to him. Should I?

What if he was just coming here to finish off what the devil started? No, Edward was an angel.

I shook my head, trying to dispel those thoughts; Mr. Edward Cullen was not an angel, he was just my teacher: A teacher that I had feelings for.

_Bella, get a hold of yourself, please! _

"Its okay, Bella," I heard him murmur gently, and I looked over at him. His eyes were reassuring, and he was looking up at me, sympathetically. For some unknown reason, I felt safe and knew he would never hurt me. It was the same feeling I felt when he held me in his arms at school.

I walked to sit down next to him, staring at my hands on my lap uncomfortably, trying my best not to turn my head and look at him. I was afraid of what I might say or how I might act if I looked at him. God only knows how I could make a fool of myself right now.

"I should probably explain to you why I'm here at such a late hour." He started then paused, "I'm sorry about that, by the way."

"It's fine." I whispered, turning slightly to look at him, still stiff.

When I made that movement, our knees brushed together, and I held back a gasp at the little spark I felt from the sudden touch. I bit my bottom lip nervously.

This was not the first time we had made physical contact. Edward had held me in his arms when he was comforting me today. He had held my hand all through my story, and he even wrapped his arm around me to reassure me. During those moments I felt safe. Yes, I was nervous and ashamed about telling my story, but he made me feel safe.

But right now, with the accidental touch of our knees, I felt this spark. It caused my whole body to tingle and warmth exploded from my heart reaching every nerve ending on my body. I had never felt like this before.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and trying to focus on him again.

"Really, I don't know what happened, one second I was worrying about you and the next second I was outside your door, knocking. I just wanted to make sure you're all right." He hurried through the sentence, blurting it out.

"I'm fine, Mr. Cullen." I whispered, staring into his beautiful green eyes, suddenly feeling like I was losing myself in his gaze.

"Bella. Please. I think we have reached a formality where you can call me Edward." He said.

What he didn't know was that I had been calling him that in my mind for a while now.

He smiled at me, and my heart jumped.

_No, Bella! He is your teacher. You shouldn't be thinking these things about him. You shouldn't feel things for him_.

"All right." I responded; standing up, ready to lead him to the door. I don't know how much longer I could stay in control of myself if he was still here.

He stood up with me, and I felt the warmth of his body behind me.

I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent, but quickly snapped them open again, walking to the door.

I grabbed his jacket and handed it to him, not saying a word.

"Bella. Please don't retreat from me! Please, just talk to me. Please." He murmured.

"I honestly don't know what to say, Edward. That I'm fine that I was almost raped? That I'm glad I told you, _my teacher_?!" I snapped at him, taking a step toward him, and noticed him flinch at the word 'raped'.

"I..." He started, but trailed off, "Yes. I do. I want you to say that you're happy that you can confide in me. I want you to say you're happy and thankful that we can be friends. I want you to be happy." He whispered the last sentence, taking a step forward.

We were only inches apart now. My breathing hitched when I saw that he was staring softly down at me, gentleness and something else lingering in his eyes. The way he was looking at me made me tremble, I never had anyone look at me like this.

His pink lips parted slowly, and he started to lean down to me, and I unconsciously craned my neck farther back, to make it easier for him.

He placed his hands on both sides of my neck, letting his thumbs caress my cheekbones.

I raised my hands, placing one in his hair, and the other on his bicep, pulling him toward me.

When our lips were barely an inch apart, he rested his forehead on mine, turning his head a little so he could place a soft kiss on my cheek.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I breathed through the fog in my mind. My heart was pounding fast.

On the inside I was begging him to kiss me, but on the outside, I knew this wasn't right. We were teacher and student. Yet, it was like two magnetic forces being pulled together in time, there were little roadblocks on our way, but one way or another, we were going to be together.

"I know." He breathed, before his lips finally met mine.

******************************************************

**(A/N: **_**I want to take a minute to thank my Beta who is going through a terrible time right now and still works hard on my chapters and takes time out of her days to work hard on my chapters. My stories would suck without her.**_

**Ha!! That cliff hanger was evil. Even I'll admit it! But, it was good. Wasn't it? The next chapter picks up where this one left off. So, tell me how you like it!!!! I might even update early, because I'm so excited to get it out!!! But I will only do that if you REVIEW!!!!**

**SPEAKING OF REVIEWS!! YOU GUYS GOT ME TO 100 WITH ONLY SEVEN CHAPTERS!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT!!! But, I still want more. SO review this chapter, and I'll get you the other one early!!!!**

**Flamers will be blocked.)**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

_**~~~Chapter Nine~~~**_

_Previously: _

"_We shouldn't be doing this," I breathed through the fog in my mind. My heart was pounding fast. _

_On the inside I was begging him to kiss me, but on the outside, I knew this wasn't right. We were teacher and student. Yet, it was like two magnetic forces being pulled together in time, there were little roadblocks on our way, but one way or another, we were going to be together._

"_I know." He breathed, before his lips finally met mine._

**BPOV**

I gasped at the surprising electricity I felt flow through my body. My eyes fluttered shut, and I tugged lightly on his hair, which caused him to sigh, very, very quietly.

Edward's lips moved against mine, softly, coaxing mine into his kiss.

Edward moved his lips against mine. I couldn't help but move my inexperienced lips with his. The feeling was so new, and extremely pleasant.

I felt his hands move to the back of my neck, his thumbs soothingly running in a circular pattern below my ears. I let my hand run through his hair before placing it back into a nice grip, and moving my other hand up his bicep and clutching onto his shoulder.

I gasped at the electricity that flowed between us.

The electric surge shot through my body and sparked around us. It was as if both our bodies were giving off the energy, causing it to crash into each other, at the feel of us so close, finally giving in to our desires; the desire that I thought was only felt on my side, but he showed that he felt it to. A desire that we shouldn't have been even having in the first place.

This was forbidden.

We had to stop. If we didn't, this would go farther than it should.

I wasn't ready for that.

"E-Edward…..stop." I whispered, trying to pull away form him, unfortunately, I was between him and the wall.

He stopped his actions when he heard me whisper for him to stop. Moving just far enough to see my face, he looked at me confused. His eyes were wide, his cheeks flushed, his hair a bigger disarray the usual, his lips pink and slightly swollen while he tried to catch his breath.

Then, at that moment, reality hit me.

"Oh no," I whispered, pushing past him to walk over and sit on the couch, putting my head in my hands.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I heard his soft tender voice float towards me.

I didn't look at him, just sighed, burrowing my head deeper into my hands. I wanted to disappear.

Suddenly, I felt his warm electric touch on my hands, trying to get me to pull them away from my face.

I let him, opening my eyes to look at him.

Edward was kneeling in front of me, his hands holding mine softly, rubbing little circles with his thumbs.

What were we _doing_? This man was my teacher, and I just kissed him! My first kiss was with my teacher! _My teacher!_

What was I thinking?!

_You weren't that is the problem._

What had I done?

Edward could get into so much trouble if anyone ever found out about this.

What if we hadn't stopped?

He could go to jail! I would have ruined his career, his life. I could or would get suspended, maybe even expelled. My high school record will have a permanent mark over something like this.

The town would talk. There would be a another 'teacher having affair with student' publicity, and there would be a court hearting! Even if everything was consensual between us, it was still against the law. I was a minor and he was a adult.

And my Dad. For goodness sake, he is the Chief of Police. If he found out, there was no way he was going to let this slide like it was no big deal. He was a man of moral and he followed the law. His own career would be in jeopardy too.

What would he think of me? He would be so disappointed…and possibly ashamed.

By doing something like this, we were risking a lot.

This is _wrong._

It didn't matter what I wanted. Yes, I wanted Edward in my life, I wanted him to be something more than my teacher…but it was wrong. It was selfish of me to throw caution into the wind, like I had a few moments ago.

Anything more, than what we just shared, would be forbidden and wrong in the eyes of so many.

"We can't do this," I whispered weakly.

His eyes widened and he scooted closer to me, so he was kneeling between my legs, his hands resting on my thighs, almost eye level with me.

"Bella…" He trailed off, his eyes bemused and hurt.

"Edward," I whispered, trying to fight back tears. "You're my teacher. This can't happen. Please leave."

His eyes started to shine from theunshed tears, and he took a deep breath.

"Bella…I-I care about you." Edward whispered the words softly, moving his cheek and resting it against mine. I could feel his warm breath on my neck in a soft caress.

His hands moved to my hips and he pulled me forward, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my neck, and I did the same to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my cheek into his shoulder, seeking his comfort, his strength, in what I was about to do.

A lone tear escaped out of the corner of my eye and everything began to go blurry.

" You can't care about me. We can't- We are not supposed to feel this way," I murmured. " We don't belong together." As the words left my lips, I felt his body go rigid.

"Bella, I do care about you, more than you know. We do belong together, I- I know it." He breathed his words out urgently.

I felt a sharp stab where my heart was sure to be. It was as though Edward's words warmed my heart, but knowing that it was wrong for us to be together, caused it to break. And it was shattering more as I was preparing for him to leave and I knew I would never hold him to me like this again.

"Edward. Please leave." I whispered, and my lungs filled with his scent, savoring it.

His response was to hold onto me tighter.

"Go."

One word.

That was all I could say before breaking down. So, I murmured it, and that was when I heard Charlie's car in the driveway, the headlights blaring through the window.

I willed myself to stand up, pushing Edward away from me with the light strength I had. I dare not look into his eyes, for I felt I might come undone where I stood, if I did.

_What we feel is wrong. There can't be anything between us. It is wrong_. I chanted to myself, knowing that part of me didn't want to believe it. Because somewhere deep inside, I knew that I did not care what society thought about me, about us. Somehow what we felt, what we wanted was right. It was perfect.

But, it was wrong to everyone else. It was a crime to them.

Through my lashes, I could see Edward compose himself and I could see he was staring at me. I lost the my inner battle and looked up at him, seeing the anguish on his face.

Quickly I turned away from him, letting my mouth drop open in a sob, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to collect myself. I had to push him away.

I held my mouth open, trying to take deep breaths. But those just resulted in sobs.

So, I took shallow breaths, walking over to his coat and handing it to him.

He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and placing a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you," He whispered, before he opened the door and walked away from me. Charlie walked in seconds later.

I stood there frozen at Edward's admission.

_He loves me._

"Bells? What's wrong?" Charlie asked me, but I didn't answer him.

Instead, I took a deep breath and convinced myself I was alright.

I couldn't face my father, so I carefully replied, " Nothing. If you don't mind, I am going to bed now."

I ran up to my room, glad that Charlie did not call me back into the living room to question me further. I knew he didn't believe me and that I needed to come up with a better response for tomorrow.

I let myself fall onto my bed and cried into my pillow.

I couldn't believe what happened. It hurt to much to think about it, yet my mind replayed the scene over and over again.

Edward cares for me. We had kissed. I told him to leave. He told me he loves me.

I cried harder, clinging to my pillow for dear life.

'Why am I acting like this? Why am I so sad?' I kept asking myself.

But, I knew why.

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

I was in love with my teacher.

And I had just pushed him away.

What had I done?

**(A/N: I know, you guys HATE me right now. **

_**IF YOU WANT THEM TO MAKE UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER; REVIEW!!**_**. Mmkay? Cause I could seriously prolong it, for a really long time. But, I'm totally not going to, if you review….****It's up to you now. Click the green button.)**

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	10. Chapter 10

_**~Chapter Ten~**_

**EPOV**

"I know," I breathed, before placing my lips on hers. I heard her gasp, and I closed my eyes, the electricity of her touch was beyond amazing. She tugged lightly on my hair, which caused a little pain, but I loved it, so I sent her an appreciative sigh.

I tried to coax her into kissing me with my lips, because she was standing stock still and tense. This was probably her first kiss, I realized. I smiled, hoping she would remember this forever.

Was I taking this too far?

She could push me away if she needed too, so I just kissed her, praying that she would be okay.

_Edward, get a hold of yourself! _My mind voice screamed at me, but I ignored it this time. A fog came over my mind, and I rubbed small circles on her neck reassuringly.

Her warmth was amazing. She was soft, and smelled sweet, like strawberries.

Suddenly, she froze, pulling me out of the clouds.

"E-Edward…..stop." I pulled back so I could see her face. She looked panicked.

Oh no, did she regret it? Did she think that we made a mistake? I sorely hoped that she didn't, although, that would be the right thing. We shouldn't be together, but we could be. I could figure something out. We could be together: Unless she didn't want to be. It was all in her hands.

"Oh no," She whispered, pushing away from me she quickly went to sit on the couch.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked, dreading the answer. She didn't look at me, just buried her face into her hands, shaking her head.

I moved to squat down in front of her, pulling at her hands a bit. She let me pull them off her face, and opened her eyes to look at me as I held her hands softly, rubbing circles.

She looked conflicted for a moment, and I tried to make my eyes reassuring.

"We can't do this," She broke the soft silence between us.

I panicked, moving so that I was kneeling in-between her thighs, closer to her.

"Bella…" I trailed off brokenly.

"Edward," Her eyes started to shine in unshed tears, "You're my teacher. This can't happen. Please leave."

I took a deep breath. I had to tell her everything.

I had to tell her that when she came into my room, the day of our first tutoring session and laughed with me about putting staples in my pencils, I started to fall in love with her.

I had to tell her that when she let go, and really smiled at me, really smiled, she was the most beautiful thing in my world. I had to tell her that I would do anything for her, and that I would always love her, no matter what happened between us.

Instead, I said this:

"Bella…I-I care about you." I couldn't tell her everything, because I was apprehensive of how she would react; I did not want to further frighten her. So, I moved my cheek to rest on hers, trying to convey love through my touch.

" You can't care about me. We can't- We are not supposed to feel this way," She murmured into my hair. I was just about to tell her that it didn't matter that we felt this way, that it would all work out.

Then she said the same words that Tanya said to me.

"We don't belong together."

My body stiffened. I did not want to hear those words. I did not want to believe that when my heart started to feel again for a person, that I would be unwanted. I couldn't lose her.

"Bella, I do care about you, more than you know. We do belong together, I- I know it." I was pleading, screaming, begging with her in my mind, but on the outside, I probably seemed calm.

"Edward. Please leave." She whispered.

I just held her tighter, wishing she could feel what I feel.

_No,no,no,no,no._

"Go."

As she said it, car headlights flashed through the window, and I automatically knew who it was. Chief Swan.

I didn't care, he could haul me off to jail for holding his daughter, but I wanted to be with her, damn it and I would do anything.

Bella made the decision for me. She stood up which caused me to be pushed away from her. Walking near the front door, she retrieved my leather jacket, ready to hand it to me.

I wanted her to keep my jacket. As a token, a reminder of me. Something she could hold onto that connected her to me. I wanted her to keep it so that if she did see me as someone who truly cared for her, she could hold on to it when she needed to find comfort in it.

Reminding myself that I did not want to cause Bella any more distress than what she was under, I took my jacket and quickly composed myself. It was difficult not to engulf Bella in my arms as I saw her tiny frame shake from her sobs, it took all my self control to stand steady.

This was her decision. I decision I was not happy with, but would nonetheless allow. I would respect it, just so I could not make a scene of things when her father was so close to coming into the house.

Telling myself that this won't be the last time I would see her, I remembered that she would still be in my class. I would get to see her then, if only for that small time, but I would see her. I would take it upon myself to make sure she was safe and happy, that is the least I could do. I would not turn my back on her or act bitter towards her. No, I did not wish any kind of harm to come to her.

I kissed her softly on the forehead, relishing in her scent, and tried to freeze this moment in my mind forever.

"I love you," I whispered to her, finally telling her how much I cared before I walked out, passing chief swan on my way out.

I sped home so fast that I could smell my tires burning. I didn't care.

When I got to my town house, I ran up the stairs, unlocking the door, and moving straight to the kitchen to grab a bottle of vodkaand a glass.

I would think of something. I would come up with a way I could be in Bella's life, even if it was only as a friend.

But, right now there was only one thing I was going to do to drown the pain I felt.

I was going to get wasted.

**(a/n: REVIEW!)**


	11. Chapter 11

**~Chapter Eleven~**

**BPOV**

I cried like I had never cried before. I couldn't stop crying, even if I wanted to. It was as though a dam opened at the first wound of realizing what had happened, of what I did. The tears kept flowing, like the awful pain I felt deep in my chest.

It felt silly of me to cry, but it was the only way to express how much pain I held, and how much I regretted pushing Edward away. I cried because I knew it could never be the same again; things couldn't go back to what they were a few days ago, no matter how unconventional or almost awkward it was.

I buried my head into my pillow and cried for the loss of something that could never be. I cried because I had somehow fallen in love and it was with someone who was forbidden to me. The pain seared itself intensely into my being, and I didn't know if it would ever go away.

Not knowing when I feel asleep, I awoke to a sore throat and a terrible headache. My eyes didn't want to open, but I forced them open and sadly greeted the day by crying all over again.

I held my tears back, just enough to make sure Charlie had left for work, and then I headed to the shower, where I allowed myself to silently cry more.

Dressing in an oversized hoody and some jeans, I pulled my hair up into a high ponytail, so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I applied my black eyeliner, which was solely to appear somewhat normal, at least for me. All fixed up, I looked like I didn't give a damn or I was in mourning.

Before heading to my truck, I grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen and ateit without much need of wanting to consume the food. I shuffled my feet to my truck, really not wanting to have to go to school. I couldn't face him. I couldn't do it.

_Bella, you did this. You will deal with the consequences._ My mind told me.

So, I went to school.

By the time I arrived in the parking lot, I was almost late because I had stayed in bed until the last minute. Opening the side door, I forced myself out of the car.

Tyler and Eric wouldn't even be here today. They we're suspended until tomorrow.

At the thought of facing the day alone, I almost got back into my truck. But, a bronze head of hair distracted me.

Edward.

He was walking toward his room.

I noticed his appearance. His hair was really, really messy, messier than the usual disarray he had it in. He looked somewhat tired as she shuffled his way into the school. His back slouching, with his black backpack on. His dark gray shirt was wrinkled, like he just threw whatever was close to him.

I sighed. I was not the only one feeling bad today, and that made my eyes sting with tears that were on the verge of spilling over. I had to stay in control and not let myself cry in front of everyone.

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The day dragged on soslowly. I sat in the back of all my classes with my hood up, my head down and my arms folded down and were my pillow. The sleeves of my hoody were doing a good job of soaking up my tears. Good thing my hoody was black, or else people might see the soaked stains that were there.

I didn't eat at lunch time, I just sat at a table in the very back corner for a few minutes, then walked to the ladies room and sat in there until lunch was over.

When the bell rang, I knew it was timeto get up and go to class.

I shook my head, my stomach twisting in anxiety. I couldn't do this.

I dashed out from the bathroom, heading straight for my truck. My legs worked amazingly fast without tripping, I guess my overwhelming need to get the hell out of there gave me the adrenaline rush to cause my body and mind to forget everything else around me.

"Damn it!" I heard his voice. It caused me to mentally pause for a brief second, but my wheels started to turn quickly and I ran like the coward that I was.

I made it to my car, gasping for breathe and a stinging pain to my side. Opening the door, I jumped inside quickly and slammed the door shut as fast as I could. I jammed the key to the ignition and started my truck with a loud boom. I pushed the old truck to its limits and sped out of the parking lot.

I didn't care if people noticed I was skipping class.I drove home with the grief and anxiety pumping through my blood.

Once I was home, I headed straight for the bathroom, cranking up the heat in the shower. I stayed in there for a good hour, before I decided to go to my room and stare at the nothingness that was my ceiling. I laid there, moping, questioning myself and everything else.

Before I knew it, the light in the room started to fade, the sun was about set. Charlie came to my room only to leave me a reheated plate of leftovers, he did not bother to question me at all. I heard him go back downstairs and watch whatever sport was on television.

Soon after the night sky took over, the rain started to pour down mildly, and I had listened to it, trying to count every drop.

I had gotten to four hundred fifty six thousand, one hundred and twelve when I heard something tap my window.

After hearing another three taps, I recognized the sound of little pebbles hitting my window. Knowing that it was Tyler and Eric, I ran to the window, opening it and looked down at the ground, searching for them.

Instead, I found one tallfigure.

It was Edward.

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**EPOV**

When I woke up this morning my head was hurting more that it had when I was in college. I found out the cause of said headache was due to the damn alcohol I had consumed last night, and probably this morning too. The evidence was scattered through my house, bottles of vodka, bourbon, whisky and scotch lay half consumed in different locations near my bedroom. God, what was I thinking? I could have drank myself to death.

I rolled my eyes at that thought, and stumbled to the bathroom, remembering why I had resorted to drinking last night.

The hot shower did relax my body a little, but after I got out and threw on some random clothing, not really caring what I was wearing, I looked in the mirror.

I looked like hell.

Red eyes, crazy hair, my skin paler than usual. I looked sickly, if not insane. Not to mention that my head was pounding like it was getting hit by a sludge hammer over, and over, and over again.

Maybe, I should call in? Nope, that won't do, I had already played hooky once this month.

I grabbed my back pack and got into my car, heading to school.

I vaguely recalled talking to Emmett while I was completely smashed. I shuddered at the impending embarrassment I would be under when Emmett called me back. Great, just great. Emmett would be more than willing to make fun of me because of my drunk conversation with him.

What the hell did I tell him, anyway?

To deny that I was fairly anxious to see Bella, would be a lie. I had cursed myself when I remembered what I looked like.

_Wonderful Edward, show Bella how you were quick to fall apart by her rejection. _

I scoffed. It didn't matter what I looked like, because Bella knew that it was wrong. I couldn't help but admire that about her. Yes, I was hurt by her decision, but she was able to think about the reality of things. She understood the magnitude of the situation. Something that I forgot when she was so close to me.

I loved her.

After the years of denying myself of anything that was love, I now openly admitted to myself that I loved her, and I would never deny it.

I knew that I would have to hide my love for her at school, and when I saw her, but that was fine. As long as I got to see her, hopefully happy, then I would be satisfied, and peaceful, maybe.

During my classes, I had chosen to give my students a pop quiz, and after the completed that task I had handed them a review sheet. I almost ignored all my students, laying my head on my desk and keeping to myself.

Come sixth period, I stood holding my door open and letting the students walk in. I nodded to them, answering some questions here and there.

Not long after the bell rang, I saw Bella, zooming past my portable and toward the student parking lot. I cursed loudly, thanking god that no one was paying attention to me.

I hadn't run after her, how could I? What was I supposed to say? 'Come to class, Bella. I want to make sure you're alright?' Yeah, that probably wouldn't blow over real easily.

So, I had gone through that period crankily, snapping at anyone who talked out of place.

The evening could not come soon enough. I sat in my townhouse thinking about her again. I felt like a love sick fool.

God, I can't believe I was acting this way again, and can't believe that I was going to allow my heart to be on the line. Wait, what line? Bella pushed me away. She did the right thing.

Or did she?

I mean there had to be a way for us to be together…if she felt the same way. If so, then there are to be a way for us, right?

But, if she didn't feel the same, then I would have to settle back into the idea of being happy seeing her happy. And that would be that. Everything would have a place, and maybe, just maybe she would like me as a friend. I could do that…right?

Damn it!

I wanted to be the one to make her happy. I wanted to be the one to make sure she was safe.

Perhaps, I was pathetic.

After all my internal arguments with myself, I found myself driving back to her house. I had parked my car by the woods, hidden from the neighbors and Chief Swan's eyes. I felt creepy about doing that, but given that he would without doubt question if I knocked on the door and asked to speak to his underage daughter at this hour, he would surely want to shoot me upon hearing my confession of undying love.

So, I resorted to schoolboy antics. Through the pouring rain, I picked a few pebbles and prayed I hit the correct window to her bedroom. I took a wild guess when I threw the pebble, and I waited to see if I would come face to face with Bella or Chief Swan.

When, the window slowly opened, my heart raced. When she poked her head out the window, I was beyond relieved. I was going to have the chance to speak to her.

Wait…what exactly was I going to say.

_Way to go Edward. Man without a plan. _

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**BPOV**

Through the night's sky and rain, I was able to make out Edward's profile. He looked like a drowned rat, a very handsome drowned rat. I was happily surprised to see him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, just above a whisper and not being able to hide sounding a little exited.

"Can I…Can we talk?" He asked, quietly.

What was I supposed to do, say no?

"Of course. Where?" I asked, looking around.

"I really didn't think this out." He murmured, almost to himself, before he said, "Um….Can I come up to your room? I don't want you to catch a cold, and to tell you the truth…I'm kind of freezing." He looked down at his shoes, shuffling his feet nervously.

I contemplated for a minute. Edward. In my room? With my Dad asleep down the hall? That really wasn't a good idea, but we did need to talk, and really where else could we go? I didn't see his car around.

I nodded, warily. "Climb up." I gestured toward the tree outside my window.

"I'm not that limber. But, I can try." He whispered, walking to under the tree, where he disappeared from my sight.

I ran over to my dresser, throwing my hair into a ponytail. I was acting like a teenage girl, but hell I was one, and my hair was a huge mess.

When I turned, Edward was standing at my window, having already shut it.

I jumped, gasping and throwing my hand to my heart.

"Jeez!" I exclaimed a little too loudly.

He smiled softly.

"I didn't mean to scare you," He murmured, walking closer to me.

He didn't look angry or sad. He looked rather comforted, with a wistful expression on his face.

There he stood, looking at me, his whole body was soaking wet, his hair flattened down onto his head, and darker than normal, brown, almost. Water droplets on his leather jacket, and his clothes were dark and pushed against his body.

"It's okay." I breathed. His freezing knuckles trailed across my cheekbone, and I shivered lightly.

He frowned, "I'm sorry." He whispered, pulling his hand away.

I wanted to tell him that it was fine, and that I would deal with it. But, I knew we had to talk, so, I pointed to my rocking chair, and he moved, sitting down in it.

I sat down on the floor, resting my chin on my knees and looking up at him.

"Well. Let's talk."

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**A/N: Hi, all! PLEASE REVIEW!! 25 before another update!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**~Chapter Twelve~**

**BPOV**

I felt a little dumbstruck. My mind was still reeling that Edward Cullen, my math teacher, was sitting down on the rocker chair in my bedroom. From what had happened yesterday evening and today, I did not know how I was supposed to act with him.

I watched Edward look down at his feet, shuffling them a bit, he seemed uncomfortable in some way.

"May I take off my shoes and jacket?" He asked me, and I realized just how cold he must be with the freezing clothing clinging to his body.

I slowly nodded, and he smiled, bringing his foot up to rest on his knee so he could take his shoe and sock off, carefully untying the laces before taking it off, then peeling his sock off so he could lay it on top of his shoe for it to dry. He repeated the same action with his other foot.

My eyes could not be stopped from quickly examining his feet. I had never seen him barefooted before. His feet were thin and manly looking; his middle toe was slightly longer than his big toe, he had no hair on them, contrary to the other men's feet that I had seen - Charlie, Eric, Tyler.

Recognizing that I was ogling at him, I stared down at the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see him. He took off his jacket and placed it on his lap, he then began unbuttoning his shirt revealing that he wore a white cotton t-shirt underneath.

He laid the button down shirt with the jacket, and I got up and stuck my hand out for him to hand them to me. I retrieved two hangers from my closet and placed the articles of clothing on them and then hanged them above my window, close enough to the heater that was to the left. I brought his shoes and socks to sit next to the heater too.

Walking back near my bed, I sat on the floor with my knees to my chest.

I was nervous.

I bit my bottom lip, trying to gather my thoughts.

Edward was here to talk to me. About what, exactly? I could only guess that it was whatever he felt the need to express about _us. _Wait, there was no us. I made that clear yesterday. Maybe he was here because he wanted to know why I ran like an idiot away from my class.

Or…just maybe he did want to talk about us. To talk about something that was not supposed to be.

Edward cleared his throat, immediately getting my attention.

Oh, god. What was he going to say?

"Bella…" he paused.

"Bella, let's me start by saying that I love you. I am in love with you, and it is quite liberating to say it aloud." He lightly chuckled to himself, a smile playing on his face. " I admit to myself and to you, that I was curious about you for awhile. You caught my eye in a way that is hard to explain, but you also grabbed my heart. There is something about you that calls to me; it is the way you are. When I was able to catch glimpses of the real you, the sweet and innocent young woman who doesn't put on a tough exterior. I understand your reasons to want to be standoffish, you were rather adamant about defending yourself against Lauren and Jessica in my classroom the day they were picking on you, and I love how you _do _fight for yourself.

"I very much loved how you let me hold and kiss you yesterday. I love being near you, with you.

"I know in the eyes of society, what I feel for you is wrong, mainly because I am your teacher. Yet, these feelings I have for you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

"Bella, I know that you are young, and that I must seem like a man who is acting irrational because _this_ seems to have developed so quickly. But I strongly know that I belong with you. I have accepted that.

"But, Bella, what I really need to know, and I don't mean to put pressure on you, is what you think about this. What do you feel, Bella? Do you think that I am wrong for feeling this way? Is it wrong in _your_ eyes, Bella?

"I promise I won't be mad at your response. But, if you see this as wrong, if you don't want me near you, just say the words and I will do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. If it means leaving Forks High, and teaching in another town, I will do it.

"I just need to know what is your thoughts about everything that has occurred. If you want a relationship with me, I _will_ find a way for us to be together. If not, I will leave you alone."

I sat, frozen, on the floor, leaning on my bed. He loved me, I knew that much. It was in his words, his eyes. He looked at me so lovingly. There was nothing pleading in his gaze, although his words almost seemed begging. He had accepted every possible outcome.

"Ed-Edward...I-" He cut me off.

"Don't apologize, Love. Just think on it, please." He smiled softly at me.

He had admitted everything to me, he had told me he loved me, he had told me he believed that we belonged together, and I hadn't even told him that I had feelings for him.

I could see a little touch of insecurity in the way he held himself, his shoulders back, his forearms resting on the arm rests, fists clenching the wood in his hand, his posture was stiff, and nervous, although everything else about him, seemed completely different.

So, I worked up the courage to say it.

Say it, I silently urged myself.

I stared up at him, my mouth gaping open. I looked right into his eyes, hoping that if I just said it, then everything would be fixed.

"Edward...I...I love you." I whispered, closing my eyes afterward.

I felt a little tear leak out the corner of my eye, and sighed, why was I crying? That's all that I seemed to be doing lately.

When I opened my eyes again, Edward was slumped in his chair, completely relaxed and staring at me in shock, but there was brightness in his eyes, happiness in his smile. His eyes were wide, though, and I could see the surprise.

He snaked out of the chair, landing on his knees, and crawled over to me, taking me in his arms.

"I love you, Bella. We'll figure this out, together. We'll figure us out. We can be together, I know it." He smiled at me, beaming.

He kissed my cheek, and I clutched onto him, pulling him close, while he embraced me.

"Say it again, please." He whispered into my ear as he held me.

"I love you." I whispered back.

I could feel his smile against my neck.

"I love you, so, so, much, Bella." He breathed, putting his arms under me, and lifting me so I was in my bed again.

He kneeled next to me, staring into my face.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." He traced my face with his finger, trailing it across my lips.

Electric tingles flowed through me, and my heart was beating so fast that I was surprised he couldn't hear it.

He trailed his finger across my burning cheek and smiled.

"I love your blush. You never blushed before. I love that you're blushing." That just made me blush harder.

All my emotions felt elated with having Edward here with me and knowing that he did care for me.

"Will you...Will you lay with me?" I whispered, not really believing that I just asked that of him. He closed his eyes, smiling before he nodded, standing up and climbing in behind me.

He wrapped his arms around me, and I could feel his damp pants against my leg.

He intertwined his feet with mine and I smiled, letting the feeling of being loved and wanted flow through me. I let it flow through my veins until I tingled with warmth and energy.

Edward moved behind me, so he was laying his cheek on my neck, kissing there before beginning to hum a comforting tune.

It was the first night in a very long time that I fell peacefully asleep, not afraid of one thing, or of _him_, coming back to haunt me.

For the first night in almost a year, I felt safe. And it was in Edwards' arms.

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**(A/n: Nice, huh? Hope it was worth the wait!! Twenty five before I review!!)  
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	13. Chapter 13

**~Chapter Thirteen~  
**

**EPOV  
**  
I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent. Strawberries, sweet smelling strawberries. Bella was asleep already, but I just couldn't seem to calm down enough to rest. She had said it. Bella told me that she loved me.

I had climbed into her window, hurting myself, and then sat on her rocking chair, a good distance away from her so she would feel comfortable. Then, I had told her everything. I had blurted out how I felt, and asked her how she felt after hearing me out. Subsequently, I had begged and groveled to her, to forgive me. Granted it was pathetic, but it didn't feel pathetic. It felt right, to fight for her.

Bella had spoken the words, the words that changed my entire life. She had told me she _loved_ me. I wanted to hear it thousands of times after she said it once, and had her repeat it to me several times. She didn't seem to mind, or feel insecure about me holding her. She even snuggled into my embrace, and blushed a little.

She blushed! I knew it was in her, the shy girl that I had seen in my classroom that first day of tutoring.

And now, she was in my arms, breathing softly, and murmuring in her sleep. She had asked me to lay down with her, and I had never wanted anything more in my whole life; to feel her warmth against me, to watch her face relax in sleep.

So, I did, I traced her face with my finger, lightly, again and again, as I watched her rest. She murmured my name once and that made me smile brightly, like a beaming idiot. She was so sweet, so loving.

I don't know when I drifted off, but the next thing I remember is the pale blue light shining through the window, signaling that it was morning.

I heard a door slam, and jumped as I felt a little ball of panic fill my stomach. It was Chief Swan.

What was I? A seventeen year old boy, sneaking into his girlfriends house in the middle of the night? _Don't answer that, Edward._

I heard Chief Swan start his car and pull out of the driveway.

Crisis averted.

Bella stirred, and her hand came up to rest on top of mine, which was placed around her waist. She smiled when she felt it, and started to trace little patterns on my hand, snuggling closer into me.

I sighed, pressing my face into her hair.

"Good morning, beautiful." I whispered, rocking us forward and then back.

She smiled a little groggy smile. I guess she wasn't a morning person.

"I just had the best nights sleep, ever." She whispered, her voice groggy, and husky from sleep.

"Mm....good." I kissed her neck once, squeezing her hand.

"How'd you sleep?" Bella asked.

I had slept peacefully in the few hours I had gotten, and it had been even better when I had woken up with her in my arms. I told her just that and she chuckled.

"I love you, Edward." She breathed, turning to lay on her back, so she could push her face into my neck.

I beamed, kissing her on the cheek.

"I have to go. We have school today." I murmured into her ear.

She made an adorable little whining sound, and I smiled, cooing into her ear a little.

"I love you. I'll see you sixth period." I whispered, kissing her cheek once again.

She shook her head, and fisted her hands into my shirt.

"Bella, I have to go home and get ready. If you want we can meet in my classroom, a half hour before school starts." I was just not only comforting her, but myself also.

She nodded, into my neck, and I reluctantly pulled back, kissing her nose, before I pushed off the bed, and pulled my shoes and socks on, grabbing my t-shirt and jacket.

"I love you, Bella." I murmured.

She smiled at me from her place on the bed, and whispered an, "I love you too."

I kissed her on the forehead, and walked out of the room; heading down the hall, and out of the front door, before walking to my car, beaming.

Best. Morning. Ever.

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(**A/N: I'm SO Sorry! My updates have been so infrequent! I'm sorry ,I'm sorry! I would say a lot of excuses, but that's annoying, so I'm just going to say one thing: School. Classes have restarted. It sucks. SO, my updates WILL be more frequent. I SWEAR once a week, from now on! its SETTLED!**

I feel guilty for saying this, but 25 before the next chapter!)


	14. Chapter 14

**~~Chapter Fourteen~~**

**BPOV**

I had woken up in the greatest mood, something I had not done in a very long time - not since _that_ awful night. Falling asleep and waking up in Edward's arms felt so natural; I had found the peace I needed to feel content, to feel happy, safe.

Having him tell me that he loved me made my heart flutter. I was still surprised that we both had admitted our love for each other, the words were so new to say, the emotion was so amazing to feel. We repeated the words of admission to each other, still not being able to believe that it was real, still being elated at just hearing those simple words.

Twenty minutes after I heard my bedroom window slide closed, I hobbled out of bed and headed for the bathroom so I could take a shower. While I was in the shower, I vaguely remembered some of the conversation from this morning. 'If you want we can meet in my classroom, a half hour before school starts.'

"Oh, crap!" I exclaimed, and then ran to my room and threw on some clothes before running down the stairs, picking up my backpack by the door, and getting into my truck, slamming the gas down to get to Edward.

***********************************************************************

I got to the school eight minutes after leaving the house. I parked in the student parking lot, and walked casually to Edwards' portable, trying to act like my heart wasn't beating erratically or that my breathing wasn't turning to panting out of excitement. I yearned to be in his arms again, to feel the warmth of his touch, the softness of his lips against my skin. I was in love with him.

Knowing that we had to be careful of our situation, the back of my mind still yelled at me to take things slowly. However, how could I do that when this - this…oh how could I describe it…relationship? Was that it? Did Edward and I agree to be in a relationship?!

Let me think. We loved each other and we were going to find a way to make this work. And _this_ was a relationship. A budding relationship, but a relationship nonetheless.

I still couldn't believe it. A couple of days ago I felt miserable, alone and misunderstood. Now, I had Edward who did understand me, who loved me and wanted to me to be happy. How many days did I think about Edward and scold myself for even thinking there was a possibility of _us _being together? I guess I did have a right to dream, to hope for him.

Every time I thought about him my heart raced. When he wasn't around I yearned for his presence. I loved him.

But I was afraid that the doubt I felt would never go away. The doubt that he didn't want me, that I was foolish in allowing myself to think that I was good enough for him. I was insecure, and it made me wonder, it made me almost want to give up - almost. I fought with that doubt, telling myself that I need to take a chance and that Edward was worth it. I just had to try to be mature about my insecurities and not let them get the best of me.

I walked towards Edward's classroom and opened the door slowly. The burst of warm air from the vents surrounded me and the brightness of the classroom was stronger than that of the hallway's lighting, I had to blink of couple of times from the stinging sensation my eyes felt. Entering the room, I looked over at his desk where he was sitting behind it reading a book that he held in his hands. The door closed rather loudly behind me and grabbed Edward's attention. His head turned towards me, a smirk graced his face as he took me in, looking me intensely as though trying to figure out if I was real. He quickly stood up and swiftly approached me and swept me up into his arm.

I sighed and closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck, he was so warm and smelled inviting. He made me feel so complete, so happy.

He rocked us lightly, resting his head against mine.

"You were out of my arms for too long," He murmured, pulling me closer to him.

"I know."

  
Being in his arms caused all my doubts to leave me and let me feel wanted.  
  
He unwrapped his arms from around me, and pulled me to his desk, where he sat in his chair, and pulled me down onto his lap.

"Bella, I know that this probably isn't the most appropriate place nortime for this, but, can I kiss you?" His lips lingered on my cheek as he asked politely for permission.

I nodded my head, feeling a light blush linger where his lips touched. Edward brought one hand up and rested it on the side of my face, turning my head so he could get better access, then pushed his lips to mine, softly. I closed my eyes, and put one hand on his bicep, then one in his hair, bringing him closer to me. Slowly, he pressed one kiss to my lips, then another, then another, before tenderly moving his lips against mine.

He sighed against my lips, then pulled away, his eyes opening with mine.

"We probably shouldn't do this in my classroom, where a student could walk in at any moment and see." He breathed. He made not effort to move away from me, but rather he rested his forehead against mine, enjoying this moment we had.

  
"I love your lips. They're so soft." he whispered, brushing his lips against mine, again.

I was about to say something when I heard feet coming up the metal stairs.

I panicked, jumping out of his lap, to stand next to him. I leaned against his desk, and he scooted back so it looked like we were just talking casually.

When the door opened, we both turned to see who it was, and lo and behold, Lauren Mallory walked in.

"Mr. Cullen, I was wondering if you could help me with-Oh! Hi, Bella." She smiled and waved at me. I raised an eyebrow, and tilted my head to the side, not bothering to answer back.

Why was she being so nice to me?

Then I saw how she was looking at Edward. She eyed him up and down, then smiled, and winked at him seductively.

Anger burned through my veins and I glared my most menacing glare at her as my fists clenched.

Fortunate or unfortunately, she didn't see.

"What did you need help with Lauren?" Edward asked in a slightly distant tone, a tone some teachers reserved for the students who annoyed them.

She looked confused then smiled, and said, "I just needed some help with preparing for the test today." She winked at him again.

I rolled my eyes, and tried to fight off the urge to choke her. Sure, there had been plenty of times that I wanted to slap that pretty little face of hers because of all the things she had said about me before, but right now was so different. She was flirting with Edward!

"I'm sorry, Lauren. I'm preparing the lesson plan for the substitute teacher that will be taken over for today. I have a meeting with a friend in Port Angeles and have to be leaving in a few minutes, so I don't have time to review the material at this moment."

Edward was looking at me quizzically. I shook my head, already feeling calm from his words, but curious that he had to leave. He had not mentioned anything to me earlier, so I guess the meeting was scheduled sometime between his trip back home and then his drive to school.

I eyed the clock and saw there was only five minutes before the first bell rang.

"I'll walk you out Lauren." I smiled sweetly at her.

She nodded, glaring at Edward a little bit before following me out.

During class, I had trouble concentrating on what the teachers were saying as my mind drifted about what I had gotten myself into. I thought about Edward, about us and how we jumped into this so suddenly. I thought about how I ended up falling in love. I did not want to fall in love, I was scared to, but I did and it happened to be that I had fallen for my teacher. Forbidden or not, I wanted it to work. I did want a future with Edward.

I didn't see myself as the kind of girl with a romantic heart and a classic view of true love, but I couldn't help but feel that way where it concerned Edward. He was making me a dreamer who did want a happy ending.

There had to be a way for this to work out.

I was going to be eighteen next week, so I was legal to be with whom I wanted to be with. The only problem was that I would still be a high school student who wanted to be with her Math teacher, and there were rules about student-teacher relationships.

School would be over in a few weeks. My grades were improving and I had to make sure that I did not let them fall. My college applications needed to be sent out by the end of next week and I was nervous about it.

College would answer some of my problems. I would no longer be Edward's student and I would be able to get away from this small town where prying eyes and ears were waiting for the next big gossip.

But what about Edward? Where did that leave Edward? We would be able to be together, yet how were we supposed to be in a relationship if we were far from each other. Long distance relationships did not have a high survival rate, especially a new one that has barely seen the light of day.

During third period, I got a headache and decided to just not think about it, and I gave the subject up, although a nagging voice in the back of my head told me to think it through.

A cold feeling slid its way into my stomach during lunch and I decided to walk to Edward's classroom in hopes that he had returned. When I did reach his room and opened the door, I saw grabbing a few things frantically from his desk and shoving them in his backpack. Again, the door loudly closed behind me and it grabbed his attention.

When he looked at me I was shocked and concerned. His eyes were red and deep worry was carved into his expression.

"Edward?" I murmured, walking over to him, I started to shake and my breathing got faster as my insecurities all came to the surface.

He brushed a hand through his hair, looking like he was trying to clam himself as he sat down on his chair. His other hand reached for me. I noticed that his eyes were glistened with tears that wanted to fall when he looked up at me with a pleading look. I ran my hand trough his hair in attempt to comfort him, my other hand lingered on his shoulder as he embraced me. His head rested on my stomach and I felt the wetness of his tears soak through my shirt.

"Bella. My dad - My dad. I need to go to Chicago. He- he…Bella I know this might be too much to ask, but can you _please_ come with me to Chicago. I can't do this alone. Please." He cried into my stomach.

My heart broke for him.

"Edward, what happened?"

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**  
AN: Evil, I know. My classes are done for the week, and I plan on getting three chapters done. So, I'd like a lot of reviews, please!  
**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Previously:**_

_"Bella. My dad - My dad. I need to go to Chicago. He- he…Bella I know this might be too much to ask, but can you please come with me to Chicago. I can't do this alone. Please." He cried into my stomach._

_My heart broke for him._

_"Edward, what happened?"_

_**Chapter Fifteen**_

EPOV

I couldn't believe it; my father had a heart attack. The man was a doctor and he seemed to be in perfect health. But how would I know? I had been avoiding the man for some time now and I knew that stress can harm the body in a way that people didn't understand.

There were a few weeks left to this school year, a few weeks before Bella would finish being a high school student and no longer my student.

My mind being clouded with other matters had caused the idea of Spring Break to be news to me. It was something that I had overlooked and I was both upset and glad that today was the last day of school before the vacation break started. I was a teacher, a part of the school faculty and somehow I had let it slip my mind that Spring Break was so close – I was supposed to know this. I was glad about the break because I was hoping to find some more time to spend with Bella, to have an opportunity to get to know each other more. However, with the news of my father, I had to leave and that meant not having Bella by my side.

I thought of her enjoying her Spring Break like any normal teenager and the idea made me uncomfortable. Yes, she was young and at a stage where she should be exploring her life, but I wanted her with me, safe and happy. Maybe I was being selfish for not wanting her to go anywhere without me. It was possessive of me, I knew it, but it was also me being protective. The world could be cruel and I did not want her to be harmed knowing that I could have prevented it.

I told Bella of what happened to my father and she was compassionate with me. I selfishly asked her if she wanted to go with me to Alaska to see my father and I also told her that I understood if she didn't feel comfortable going and would rather spend her Spring Break among her friends.

But Bella surprised me, like she often does.

BPOV

When Edward asked me to go with him to see his father, I was shocked. I didn't think that he would even ask me to, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth I got nervous - that did not last long. When he thought that I would rather spend my time being with Eric and Tyler during Spring Break instead of him, I was quick to accept his offer. Yes, Eric and Tyler were my friends, my only friends, but given the choice to have a spit ball war with my guys or be by the side of the man I felt myself in love with; I would risk the chance of getting in trouble just to see where this thing with Edward would go. I wanted to be there for him and I wanted to get to see a different side of him.

Besides, Eric and Tyler were like any red blooded teenagers and they were set on leaving Forks and going to California to meet some girls. Eric's older brother lived in California and invited him to spend the week there. Eric was more than psyched about the whole thing quickly yelling road trip.

After I accepted to go with Edward to Chicago, he immediately wrapped his arms around me and whispered to me thank you. I relished in his warmth and hugged him close to me. It felt wonderful to have someone love and need me.

"I need to go talk with the principal about a few things before I brief the substitute about the afternoon classes." Edward said as he went back to placing things in his back pack and taking out a folder.

"Your leaving right now?" I asked, anxious about how everything.

"There are a few matters I need to arrange before we can leave to Chicago." He looked at me, his forehead creased with what I assumed was worry. "Unless you changed you mind?"

"No!" I all, but yelled. "It's…it's just that how are we going to Chicago? And do I need to skip the rest of my classes because I don't mind -"

Edward smiled as he pulled me towards him again and kissed me chastely on my lips.

"You should probably stay and finish your day, to be on the safe side." He explained. " And we will be driving to Chicago, so that is why I need to get things in order for the trip."

"Can't we buy plane tickets instead? It would be faster?" I asked, thinking about being on the road with Edward would actually give us time alone that was longer than a few hours.

"You are not eighteen yet." The way Edward stated this fact, his face was stern as though he was thinking about something else. "You would need parental permission."

"Oh." Was all I replied, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment. My age was still a problem.

Suddenly, Edward reached for a post it and scribbled something down.

"Here, this is my cell phone number. Call me after school."

I grabbed the yellow piece of paper and nodded my head.

"Are we leaving today?" I asked, needing to know how to end my lie to Charlie.

"Tomorrow morning."

******

During the remaining time in my classes, my mind drifted. I had never really been alone with a guy, except my friends, for anything. I was more than nervous. How was I supposed to behave? What was I supposed to say?

I tried to think of something else instead of worrying about being alone. I was so new to being in a relationship that I feared that I might mess everything up. So I went back to what I was going to tell Eric and Tyler after school.

I've often though a lot, but I have to say that this was a big day of coming up with plans in very little time.

******

Eric was at Tyler's place, playing video games and shouting about someone was shooting at them. They were happy to see me and shouted my name in unison, making me laugh at how much they could be dorks.

They reluctantly paused their game when I said that I needed to talk to them. They listened immediately when I mentioned that it was about Spring Break. I told them I was planning on asking my father, who I hoped would agree with me, if I could go with them to California for the week. They hollered about having me by their sides to wreck havoc and how we should definitely check on the beaches. I interrupted them, informing them that it would be a lie that I needed them to help me with. They looked at me with a confused and amused expression.

"I feel like trying something different and traveling somewhere else." I said.

"Bella, it's California! How different of a place from Forks can you get?" Eric asked.

"Please, I just need you two to cover for me." I begged. " I need to do this so that I can prove something to myself."

"We can go with you." Tyler offered, seeming a bit concerned.

"What? California! What is wrong with you two?" Eric was annoyed, acting like if we had become aliens in front of him.

"Eric, shut up! This is Bella we are talking to. Now sit down and listen." This was the second time I had seen Tyler this serious. "Bella, start talking."

"I…" I didn't think I could tell him the whole thing. "I am taking a chance, I want to step out of my safety zone and want to discover something before I head off to college."

"Isn't that what summer is for? You not getting all serious on us are you Bells?" I loved Eric as though he was my brother, a little brother that is. To him, life should be taken lightly most of the time.

Tyler stayed quiet for a moment as he looked down to the floor.

"Hey, man can you get me a soda?" Tyler asked Eric.

"What, you have one right next to you."

" It's warm. Go get me one."

"Man, I always have to do everything." Eric whined as he got up.

When Eric left the room, Tyler turned his attention to me.

"I know we can be silly and immature, but you can talk to us about anything, or at least me. Bells, you are like my little sister who is my partner in crime. So, whatever the real reason is that you want us to cover for you, I'll respect it, because I know that you would do the same thing for us. The only thing that I am going to ask you is that you at least call me once a day or text us to let us know you are alright."

"Thank you." I said and quickly hugged him. "You know I don't have a cell phone, right?"

"Really? I would have never guessed it." Tyler joked. I punched his arm lightly.

"Eric!" Tyler shouted.

"What! I went to get you a soda man, no need for yelling." Eric said trying to balance three sodas and a bag of chips.

"Let's give Bells her birthday gift early." Tyler said.

"What? Really? I've been bugging you about it and you keep telling me to wait."

"Yeah, but we need to keep an eye on our girl so get it out of your bag."

"You guys got me a gift?" I asked.

"Yeah, your turning eighteen and we both thought it was time for you to have this." Eric pulled out a packaged pre-paid phone.

"You know since all the kids have one, we thought you wanted to be cool too." Tyler said. "So there is no excuses that you can't call us or text us everyday."

"So your going rogue on us Bells." Eric laughed.

******

Once I got home, I charged the cell phone and went to make a quick dinner for Charlie and me. I had to play sweet to get my way.

After I put the chicken in the oven I ran upstairs and quickly dialed Edward's number. It rang a few times.

"Hello?"

"Edward?"

"Bella! Are you okay? I thought I asked you to call me after school."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had to come up with a cover story for me being gone for a week and Eric and Tyler are cool about lying for me."

"You told them?" Edward asked, his apprehension was clear in his voice.

"Not about us, just that I wanted to go somewhere for Spring Break but that I needed to lie to Charlie in order to go where I wanted. The only thing is that they made me promise to contact them everyday to let them know I am okay. Which is sweet of them. They also bought me an early birthday gift. The number I called you from is from my new cell phone."

We talked for a little while until I heard Charlie shut his car door. I told Edward I would call him back to let him know what happened.

Surprisingly, Charlie was okay with it. He knew Tyler's older brother and thought that he was a good seed, whatever that means, and that since there were no more complaints about me coming from the school that I could go to California.

Dinner was done in a hour and we ate in silence. Fast, I cleaned up the kitchen and raced to call Edward.

Whispering into my new cell phone, I told Edward the news. He was happy that things seemed to be going well. It was a relief to the both of us.

Edward told me that we needed to hit the road around six in the morning, which was perfect. Charlie had an early shift tomorrow that required him to be there by four thirty, since he had to get some paper work done for a meeting that he held every year for the officers concerning Spring Break.

After Edward and I said our goodbye's I laid in bed, nervous and exited about the trip.

******

I sighed, pulling myself out of bed. It was four thirty in the morning, and I was awake, and getting ready. For what? A road trip to Chicago. Apparently if we drove straight through we could make it in three days, he told me.

I had trouble falling asleep. So, I woke up, groggy and exhausted from sleep deprivation with the annoying little crust in the corners of my eyes. I rubbed it out and stumbled to the bathroom, my eyes half-closed and my breathing loud and deep as I stripped and got into the shower to get ready.

My nerves were getting to me after I fixed myself my breakfast. It finally hit me, like a new set of fears, that I was going to be ALONE with EDWARD on the ROAD for THREE DAYS!

What did I get myself into!

Don't get me wrong, I was still completely nervous and terrified and….I didn't even know how to describe it. It felt good to be together, but at the same time I had a nagging feeling that this would all go straight to hell.

So, I tried to ignore the feeling all together and focused on what would happen when Edward and I saw his family. That brought on a whole new set of nerves.

Edward had told me that the fact that I was one of his students probably shouldn't be known to his family until after I was graduated. I felt bad about hiding something from his family, but it had to be done.

I needed a distraction. Sitting myself in front of my computer I went to the Amazon website and looked up books, some that I added to my wish list and some to my shopping bag. I was pulled out of my shopping spree when I heard knocking.

Edward was here.

I greeted Edward at the door with my suitcase and backpack in hand. He held out his hand to take my things and I turned to close and lock the door behind me. Swiftly, he was at my side before I took started to walk down the steps. Again, he held out his hand, but this time it was to take mine. I sighed in relief. It made me feel better when I held his hand, made things less awkward. But, before I even took it, I looked around nervously; making sure no one saw us. I noticed him doing the same thing. It was still bit dark out.

He pulled me toward his car, and opened my door for me.

"Thanks," I said, surprised at the fact he was opening it for me. It was a bit awkward, considering that I'd never had a man open a door for me, so I sat down and looked straight ahead.

He shut the door and walked over to his side, getting in, and starting the car up.

"Ready to go?" he asked, smiling.

I shrugged.

I was asleep before we got to the highway and when I woke up, the car smelled of food.

He smiled at me, and held up a bag of McDonald's.

"I got you a McGridle. I'll admit, a bit unhealthy, but it's the best damn breakfast sandwich I've eaten."

I smiled and took the bag, "Thank you Edward."

He nodded, and in no time, we were in silence again.

I thought back to just a few weeks ago, sitting in Edwards' class, pretty much hating his guts for making my life miserable. I saw him as an Asshole teacher that was a crank, and I thought I knew why he was such a bachelor.

Now look at us: in love, kind of shy, and silent in his car while we drove to Chicago.

I was broken out of my musings, by Edwards' hand suddenly grabbing mine.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know this is a bit awkward…It's probably my fault…" He murmured.

"Um...That's okay. Why don't we get to know each other better?"

He nodded, smiling, "Twenty questions. I'll go first. What kind of music do you like?"

And just like that, we were getting to know about each other. He told me about all his music interests. He basically liked anything, classical, because he played piano, Rock, because he was a kid in the eighty's.

He told me about his family. Little facts about each of them, that way I had an idea of what to expect when I met them.

He had one older brother, Emmett, and one younger sister, Alice. They were each married, Alice to a man named Jasper Hale, who Edward thought of as a descent man. Emmett was married to a women named Rosalie, who had formerly lived in Alaska.

He told me about his mother and father Esme, and Carlisle. He told me about when he was a child, and growing up with his siblings. They were so close that Edward never really needed for friends, and he only had a few. He was on the basket ball, football, softball, and soccer teams when he was in high school. It was a small town, so he was the star child. He told me about how Carlisle and him had been able to talk about anything. Girls, sports, homework, and everything in-between. He was close with his Mother too. He talked about helping her make cookies, and how he always loved to watch his mother cook and bake while he talked to her about his crushes as a teenager.

He asked a lot about me too. He asked about Arizona, my Mother, My father, the things I liked, the music and books I was interested in, and I found we had a lot in common, especially in musical taste, although, he knew every word to 'Handlebars'…then again, we all had our own odd likings.

We talked awhile about our favorite books, and before I knew it, the day was over, and night was enveloping us

We continued asking questions about one another until I asked the question that stopped the fun loving atmosphere.

"So, past girlfriends?" I asked him, looking over at him quietly.

He tensed up, and I could feel him pulling away, "A few." He answered vaguely.

"Sorry, I don't mean to pry. Just tell me stuff about them, tell me about your horrible break-ups." I raised my eyebrow, "I'm not gonna be crazy jealous, Edward."

"Bella. Now is not the time to tell you about my bad break-ups." He said quietly.

"Oh, did you get your heart broken?" I was teasing, trying to lighten the mood, but this just seemed to anger him. His hands tightened on the steering wheel.

"I said, I don't want to talk about it, and I meant it, that's the end of the conversation." He said, a little bitterly.

The tension in the air was thick, and I suddenly felt extremely guilty, obviously, whatever it was had burned him, and I had just fed the fire, being rude and teasing him.

He pulled off the road suddenly, into a small motel parking lot, and got us two different rooms, right next to each other, but separate all the same. After setting my suitcase and bag down onto my bed, he turned and left telling me to be ready to go tomorrow morning at six.

I ate out of the vending machines, and watched boring movies all night, trying to distract myself, but it didn't really work. I ended up turning off the TV, and reading my book…it just made me more depressed, and I felt increasingly worse, my stomach clenching into a pit of tension and nervousness.

At three in the morning, after not being able to sleep, still feeling fear of_ him_; I just couldn't get over it, and that angered me. Would I never feel safe and protected?

Then I thought of how I slept when Edward held me, holding me tight, his warmth near me, his breathing in my ear.

Without consciously making a decision, I was outside my room and knocking on Edwards' door. It opened after a moment, and Edward stood in front of me in a white shirt and pajama pants. He had obviously been awake, because he didn't look tired, he didn't wince at the light that came in through the door, and the lamp next to his bed was on.

"Bella-"

I cut him off, "I'm sorry." I whispered in a small voice, shocking myself. I didn't just say 'sorry,' normally people said sorry to me, and I accepted their apology, without giving them a second thought. But I hadn't apologized since before_ that_ happened. I used to say sorry all the time, before it, annoying people with my constant 'sorrys.'

And now, here I was, apologizing, and meaning it, after four weeks of talking to Edward.

He pulled me into his arms, and kissed my hair, "I don't know why. I should be the one who's sorry. I just snapped at you for asking a simple question. It was stupid. I'm so sorry, Bella." He held me for awhile before closing the door.

"I can't sleep." I whispered.

"Because of what I said?" His voice conveyed hurt.

"No, not at all. It's just…bad memories." I admitted.

"Come lay with me." He whispered, and we went over to his bed and lay down, he reached over me and turned off the bed side lamp.

I was asleep in seconds, but before I was too deep under, I heard him whisper a small.

"I love you, Bella. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm not good enough."

**(a/n: I'm so sorry that I took forever!! I'm a crappy writer!! I'M SOOOOORRRRRRYYYYY!!!! Forgive me? : ] Truly, I've been working on this chapter for weeks, no lie. It had to be perfect. So, Please give me 25 reviews before the next chapter. I know I don't deserve it, but PLEASE!! And please give me actual feedback.**

**What do you want to happen when Edward and Bella meet the family??)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

**Previously: **

"_Come lay with me." He whispered, and we went over to his bed and lay down, he reached over me and turned off the bedside lamp .I was asleep in seconds, but before I was too deep under, I heard him whisper a small._

"_I love you, Bella. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm not good enough."_

_**~~Chapter Sixteen~~**_

**BPOV:**

"Bel-laa wake u-up." Edward said in a sing-song voice.

"Ughhh." I rolled over groggily, pulling the pillow over my head.

"I told my family we'd be there by lunch. You need to wake up so we can get some breakfast now and get there on time."

I felt a warm hand slowly rub my back, lightly scratching. Sighing, I kept my eyes closed and remembered the recent events.

The morning after I sought shelter in Edward's arms, he had woken me up early and carried me to the car so that I could sleep a little bit more on the road. It was around lunchtime when he finally woke me up. I was surprised. Edward had stopped at a park. He continued with his surprise by setting up a small picnic for two. After finishing the food, Edward read to me a few pages from the current book he was reading, then we talked about different things until we noticed that time of day was changing. We were on the road again for a few more hours until Edward thought it was best that we rest for the night. He got us a motel room, since neither of us minded the company of the other, and we ordered Chinese food from a nearby restaurant. Edward attempted to teach me how to use chopsticks, and laughed every time I stabbed one chopstick into a piece of chicken, using the utensil like a fork. It was late in the evening when I feel asleep listening to the dull sounds of the evening news on the television, tucked into Edward's side, comfortable in his warmth.

Edward and I were on our last day of driving.

I finally opened my eyes after a minute of Edward rubbing my back and sighed at the touch.

"Let's get ready to go." He smiled at me.

Getting up, I walked to the desk in the motel room and grabbed my backpack before going to the bathroom to shower and change.

Before long, we were on the road.

Edward seemed nervous and excited at the same time, but there was a distant look in his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, reaching over and pulling his free hand into my lap so I could play with his fingers.

He sighed, "My childhood. I was rather privileged. I had an amazing childhood: Friends, brothers, sisters. I got everything I ever wanted. I guess you could say that I was the spoiled one. I guess I never felt like I fit in perfectly, during college, so I rather sulked around. Emmett and Rosalie were together. And Alice and Jasper. I was kind of the fifth wheel." He smiled at me, rubbing little circles on my hand.

I smiled slowly and blushed again, which was becoming a nasty habit with him, and I looked away.

He chuckled as we pulled up to a brick house. It was quaint and more than pretty. It looked like house out of magazine. The windows had little white shudders and there was a beautiful flowerbed with roses, daisies and more variety of flowers that I was sure I could not name. There were even butterflies sitting on the flowers, and bees buzzing.

"Bella?"

Edward was already out of the car and by my side holding out his hand to help me out of my seat. I guess I was lost in awe of the place that I did not notice when he parked the vehicle.

"Sorry. The place is beautiful, especially the garden." I murmured, placing my hand in his.

"My mother's hard work goes into that garden. She adores it." He smiled, "She's probably just planted the flowers. This is her favorite time of year."

Closing the car door, Edward entwined one hand with mine and started to lead the way to the house.

We walked up the steps to the lovely porch and the intricate windowed designed white door. Something about this place, the warm of the green grass, the beautiful flowers, or the warm sun beating down on us, was comforting. I felt welcomed, and we hadn't even been inside. But, as soon as Edward rung the doorbell, my heart pounded in my chest and panic started to get the best of me - I hate being nervous. I felt my palms start to get sweaty and my hands start to shake, while my breathing started to accelerate.

Edward looked over at me, and noticed my reaction.

He squeezed my hand, "It's going to be okay. Calm down, they'll love you." His reassurance helped microscopically.

Suddenly the door flew open and I saw a flash of black hair before I heard a large squeal and felt Edwards hand yanked away from mine.

He stumbled back a few feet, holding onto who I could only assume was Alice, his younger sister.

"You never visit! You need to come here more, Edward! We've missed you so much, and here you are visiting only because dad had a heart attack! What if he had died and you wouldn't have been here? I know you; you would've been RACKED with guilt!" She held onto him the whole time, only pulling back far enough to wag her little finger in his face. That was when I realized how short she was. Edward was holding her up, and she only came to his nose, while her feet ended in the middle of his calf.

Edward looked away, seemingly ashamed, "I know Alice. I apologize and promise to visit more." He smiled softly, patting her head.

"Oh, you were forgiven before you arrived. I just can't believe you're here!" she squealed again, hugging him tightly.

"I missed you too, Alice. Now if you could pry yourself away from me, I'd like to introduce you to someone." He said.

"Wait, what?!" She gasped, and looked around the porch frantically, her gaze finally resting on me.

She pushed away from Edward and gasped, "Are you Edward's girlfriend?" She had an excited eyebrow raised, her eyes twinkling.

"Yes Alice, she's my girlfriend." Edward smiled at me.

"Finally! He's moved on, I thought he would NEVER stop sulking and leave Tanya behind. I'm Alice, what's your name?" She asked.

"Um…Bella." My eyebrows pulled together. Who was Tanya? Was this the girl that hurt Edward? The girl he wouldn't tell me about? And when did I suddenly become his girlfriend? Don't get me wrong. I loved Edward…but we hadn't even discussed everything that needed to be discussed, like this stupid Tanya chick, which I already hated.

"Oh, Bella, you and I will be the best of friends. Come on, you must be exhausted from the ride, I'll take you to Edwards' room, and we can dump your stuff, then we'll introduce you to the family… Edward, the bags?" She asked, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside, leaving poor Edward on the porch.

The house was beautiful on the inside: gold and white wall paper, wooden floors, and red carpets, the entry way leading four places: One down the hall, down the stairs, down another hallway, or into a beautiful sitting room, with white carpet and a gorgeous cherry wood baby grand in the corner.

Alice yanked me down the stairs, into a large family room, where a big screen TV and an air hockey table resided. She pulled me to a hallway next to the big screen television, and pointed out doors.

"Okay, that's the bathroom, that's Rosalie and Emmett's room. That's my room, it's small, but I like it, close quarters with my hubby." She smiled, we turned a small corner, and at the very end of a small hall, there was a door. "That's Edwards' room. He has his own private sink; his room is second biggest than the master room." She dragged open the door and pushed me inside. The first little bit of the room was tile, where the sink was, then a built in dresser with cupboards. You had to turn face away from the sink to see the rest of the room. There was a large bed against the wall that looked feathery soft, then a desk by a closet. The desk held a large stereo. There was soft light brown carpet on the floor.

The house had an old feel to it, but it really was beautiful.

I put my bag down next to Edwards' desk and sighed, what was I supposed to do now?

Suddenly, the door opened and I jumped.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Edward murmured walking passed me to the closet. He kissed my forehead on his way, and then dumped the bags.

"Are you ready to meet the family?" He asked, brushing himself off.

My eyes widened, and I shook my head.

"They'll love you, Bella. Alice already does, and she'll talk you up to the whole family."

I sighed, and walked over to the sink to look at myself in the mirror. My hair wasn't messy, slightly curly at the bottom. I had dabbled on a bit of make-up this morning, so I looked good to meet Edward's family. My eyes were enhanced by the little bit of eyeliner and mascara I put on.

I sighed, this was as good as it was going to get.

"I'm ready." I murmured, although I really wasn't.

He held my hand, and pulled me through the downstairs and up the stairs.

He pulled me down the hall toward the kitchen, and I saw that there was a family room that the kitchen overlooked. Everybody was in there, watching a movie and talking. There was a long sofa, a loveseat and a huge chair - each piece looked comfortable and stylish. Alice was sitting on the lap of a blond hair man, who I presume is her husband, one side of the sofa. Across from them was a stunning blonde woman who had her legs resting on a very masculine guy with dark hair. The last couple, the mature and worried looking couple sat snuggled close on the big chair, it did not take a genius to guess that they were Edward's parents. The woman had the same color of hair as Edward and the tired looking blonde man had the similar facial structure as Edward.

"Hello, Everyone," Edward said in a tone just above a whisper, and everyone's attention turned toward us.

"Edward, man!" The big muscle man, who I'm assuming was Emmett from Edward's talk about his family, jumped up and bounced over to Edward, pulling him into a hug and slapping him on the back. I winced from how it sounded. That _had_ to hurt.

"Hello, Edward." The blonde woman said, smiling at Edward nicely.

"Rosalie." Edward nodded.

The kind looking women stepped up to him, "Edward, son. I've missed you so much. You must come and visit more often." She hugged him tightly, as she blinked away tears.

"I'm sorry, ma." He murmured.

She pulled away and gave Edward room to greet everyone else.

"I would get up, but I've got an adorable woman on my lap." The young blonde haired man said. He held his fist out for Edward to bump it.

"That's alright Jasper."

"Now. You must tell us who this is." Everyone's attention was turned to me as Carlisle spoke for the first time. He was pointing at me smiling slightly.

"This is my girlfriend, Bella." Edward wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I blushed.

"Bella, this is Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper, and you already know Alice. This is my mother, Esme, and my father Carlisle." He gestured to each one of them.

I smiled at each of them, "Hi." I said quietly. Edward squeezed my shoulder and kissed my temple.

They were all smiling at Edward and me…except for Rosalie. She was frowning between us. Then, after a moment, she walked out of the room quietly, grabbing her cell phone on the way out.

The rest of the family was asking me questions. They ushered us over to the couch, and we all sat and talked for a while. A lot of them scolded Edward for not bringing me earlier, or calling them to tell them that I was coming.

"So, how are you doing, Dad?" Edward asked, patting his father on the leg.

"Fine. They finally released me from the hospital earlier this morning. I'm finished with being poked and prodded. I never understood how annoying people were in my profession until I became the patient." Carlisle smiled at his son.

Edward chuckled, and nodded.

"So, Bella. Why don't us women go and get dinner ready?" Alice asked, pulling me up from the couch. I nodded, hesitant on being without Edward, and we headed toward the kitchen when Alice suddenly veered left and pulled me down the hall and down the stairs.

"Come on. We need to talk." She said, pulling me into her bedroom.

Just great.

**Edwards' POV:**

I think that I have lost my mind.

I was still disappointed with myself for snapping at Bella a few days ago. Now, even without confirming anything with Bella about our 'status', I introduce her to my family as my girlfriend.

Fear grips at me, that maybe I am rushing into things, that maybe I am rushing Bella into my world all too suddenly. I see that she still struggles with what happened at that party, where that lowlife had manhandled her and intended to further cause her harm.

Maybe I am trying to convince myself that things will be all right with our relationship. However, I know that there are some things that we need to talk about, things we need to clarify.

What am I thinking? All relationships start with honesty and trust, and here I am keeping things from her and probably scaring the shit out of her by being so touchy.

Moreover, what happens if somebody finds out that Bella is my student?

What would my family think? How would they react? What if someone tells the district about my relationship with Bella? I'll be labeled a pedophile and won't ever be able to work around teenagers again. What was I thinking, bringing her here in a situation like this?

I have not even told her about Tanya, and it is bound to come up.

I shook my head, running my hand through my hair. I needed her here. That is why I brought her.

Bella was the thing I was waiting for in my life. She made me feel like I could be a better man, that I was worthy. And God help me, I wanted to be everything for her. I wanted the best for her.

I needed her, however pathetic that might sound.

………………………………

* * *

**A/N: Okay, that is the chapter. : ) I got seventeen reviews, and I'm thankful for them, but I would appreciate twenty for this chapter, considering that it's a long one. So…yeah…Okay people, bear with me, because A LOT is coming up. In the next chapter. In the chapter after that. We've been kind of working up to it, and I know that the chapters may seem a little slow, but HUGE stuff is coming!!! I SWEAR!!!**

**What do you think Alice is going to say to Bella? What's Rosalie up to?**

**If any of u can guess it, then I'll send you a sneak peak of the chapter early. Because…..wait for it…..i've already got HALF the next chapter completed!! WOO! Hehe..anyway….. click the button!**


	17. Chapter 17

**I Shouldn't Love You, But I Do**

_**~~Chapter Seventeen~~**_

**BPOV:**

"Bella…" Alice said when we entered the kitchen; she looked around to make sure we were alone. The serious look on her face was different from her playful smile I had seen earlier.

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked her. My heart rate increased as my breathing slowly started to accelerate.

"Bella…I need to warn you about Rosalie." Her brow furrowed when she mentioned the attractive blonde-haired woman.

"What about her?" I murmured, becoming more afraid.

"I figure that Edward has not told you too much or nothing about Tanya. And I know that my brother probably has kept it that way because he is not ready to talk about that matter. He will eventually tell, of that, I am sure. But, I can't sit around and wait for him to tell you everything, without me giving you a forewarning about Rosalie and Tanya.

"Rosalie is Tanya's best friend, and you'll find out that they are very…loyal to each other. They tell each other everything. I'm going to put this frankly, Bella. Rosalie _is_ a bitch. So is Tanya.

"Tanya doesn't care about Edward, she really never has. But, I think that her hearing that Edward is moving on with someone else - well that she will stop at nothing to get him back. She is vindictive and selfish, she will most definitely not like that Edward is happy. I don't want Tanya and Rosalie to ruin your happiness, yours and Edward's happiness. I don't know much about your relationship, but for Edward to come back home…that is something big. It is as if he is back to being somewhat of his old self, before Tanya.

"I don't want to see her put her claws back into Edward. And I don't want her to break up what you and he have. I just have a feeling that…that you may be someone who is and will be important to him." Alice continued to look at me with a solemn gaze.

_Seriously? What is this, a Jane Austin novel? _

I fought against rolling my eyes at her intenseness. I wasn't going to heed a warning that sounded like it came straight out of a chick flick. Although, there was a gnawing in the lining of my stomach that made me think that I was becoming soft.

I looked at her and nodded. "I'll make sure that he doesn't get hurt."

………

I couldn't help but go over Alice's words as I sat in Edward's room later that evening. The more I thought about it the more I wanted to push it from my mind. It caused me to be more curious, more at unease, and scared.

Was there a chance I could lose Edward?

I couldn't just lose Edward. He meant a lot to me…he was my knight in shinning armor. He was the one who chased my nightmares away because of his warmth. He fought away the storms with the shelter of his arms.

Part of me wanted to ignore the warning, the old part of me that was used to rebelling, used to disappointment and looking out for me. But, a new part of me wanted to listen to Alice and to keep Edward.

Dinner had been a quiet event. I talked enough to be polite and kind, but I was quiet enough to think everything over….which made me more and more afraid.

Why couldn't my life be simple? Why did I have to fight for every little shroud of happiness?

"Bella? What's wrong?" Edward's voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I jumped, my eyes darting to him.

He was wearing grey sweat pants that hung off his hips and a tight white t-shirt, his hair still wet from his shower. He was looking over at me, concerned and confused.

I told myself to just ask. Just get it over with, all I had to say was, 'Edward, who's Tanya?' Three words!! That's it!

"Edward…" I trailed off and then chickened out, "It's just been a very long day."

He nodded, "Do you want to take a shower? It can only be a fifteen minute shower, because other wise the hot water will run out, but its fifteen minutes." He shrugged and smiled.

"Okay," I murmured.

So, for my fifteen minutes in the shower I tried to calm down. I focused on the water beating down on my back and the feel of the rough no-slip tile under my feet. I breathed Edward's smell from his shower before me, and focused on what I would say to him.

I got out after a few minutes and pulled on my black t-shirt, and blue plaid pajama pants, then walked out of the bathroom, the mirror still fogged up. I walked into Edward's room, almost bumping into him. He was standing at the sink brushing his teeth over the sink.

He spit out his toothpaste, then rinsed before talking to me, "Didn't mean to scare you." He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"It's okay," I murmured.

He moved out of my way so I could use the sink and I grabbed my brush and started to pull it through my hair thinking about how to confront him about Tanya.

"Can I do that?" Edward asked, surprising me yet again.

"What?" My brows furrowed together and I watched in the mirror as my face became confused.

"Can I brush your hair?" He clarified, disbelief now colored my face.

"Ah…Okay?" My voice came out squeaky.

He held out his hand patiently, and I handed him the brush.

He didn't focus on me as he slowly started to tug it through my hair, working from the bottom to the top. He was soft and gentle, and I couldn't help but relax and forget all about Tanya for the moment.

I felt him tugging the brush through my hair, and suddenly felt a new feeling wash over me. It was security, love. I felt cared for, and that was new for me. It was like the feeling of my mother when I was a child, brushing my hair.

"You know, my mom used to do this." I murmured, quietly, not wanting to disturb the quiet peace and contentedness that had settled upon us.

Edward wasn't looking at me; he was watching his hand as it held the brush that pulled through my hair. When I spoke his eyes flashed to me.

"Brush your hair?" He asked, and I nodded.

"One of my favorite memories of us is her sitting behind me on my bed, humming. It's not much but it's all I have." I murmured. He slowly put the brush down and wrapped his arms around me, looking at our reflection in the mirror. I looked woefully inadequate next to him.

"You're beautiful," he murmured.

I rolled my eyes, but didn't otherwise respond.

"Are you tired?" he asked me.

I nodded.

"Let's head to bed then," but neither of us moved. We both knew we needed to talk, and we didn't want to break the peace that we had felt in that moment.

I pulled out his arms first and then headed over to the bed. His hand reached out and tapped me on the shoulder. Before I could even turn all the way around his lips were on mine. They were warm and soft as he coaxed mine to move. I calmed from the shock after a moment and started to kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was gentle and soft as he brought my top lip between his, and sucked softly, then the same to my bottom lip. My breath was shaky as I moved my lips with his, gasping when his tongue softly swiped along my bottom lip.

I pulled away then, just a little bit.

He slowly kissed the corner of my mouth then my cheek, then up to my forehead, where he placed a soft kiss before resting his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes.

"I love you," he panted, and I smiled a little bit that his breathing was as ragged as mine.

"I love you too." His eyes squeezed shut and he whispered,

"Please remember that while we're here, Bella."

"Okay," I murmured, confused, and his eyes flashed open.

"Edward?" I whispered, suddenly very afraid.

"Yeah?" He breathed.

"Who's Tanya?" I asked, quietly.

He exhaled slowly, closing his eyes again.

"She's an ex-girlfriend. We were together for the most part of college. I broke up with her on graduation day. We weren't going anywhere in our relationship and I wanted-needed- to move on with my life."

I nodded, a little bit suspicious. Every time someone spoke of her, it seemed as though he was the one dumped, he was the one that was hurt. His reaction when I asked him about past girlfriends and then the way Alice had spoken of Tanya today…it just didn't add up. The puzzle pieces didn't fit together.

"Promise?" I asked

"I promise." He pecked my lips.

I nodded, trusting him.

"Are you ready for bed?" he asked again.

I pulled away, smiling, and got in his soft comfy bed.

**EPOV:**

What have I done now?

Bella seemed distant during dinner; it was as though she was upset. She was alone with Alice for a while; maybe Alice said something to her? What would she say to her to make Bella change?

When Bella went to go shower, I thought about past and present things. I wanted to go bug Alice and ask her what she said to Bella - but Jasper was with her and I did not want to interfere with their alone time.

Upon Bella's return, I kindly asked her if I could brush her hair. I know it seemed like non- masculine move, but I just wanted to do something nice something different with her. So I brushed her hair to show her that men, me, could be gentle and kind - not an ass who tried to hurt her.

Then when she walked away, I couldn't help but pull her into a kiss. We had a perfect kiss, soft and sweet, slow-yet at the same time fast and needy.

We had a peaceful moment between us.

Then she asked the dreaded question.

Who was Tanya?

And I had done the worst possible thing. I lied to her. I didn't tell her the truth and she believed me-because she trusted me. If she found out about my lie it could quite possible destroy her trust in me.

What had I done? I had lied to her. She would leave me; she would not trust anyone, especially men. And what if she did trust again, what if she trusted the wrong person, the wrong man who would hurt her and make her unhappy?

And it would all be my fault.

She opened up to me and told me about her mom, not knowing how much that meant to me, her offering up information to me because she wanted to share it with me, with someone she trusted.

Then I lied to her. I promised her what I said was the truth.

What kind of person am I?

**BPOV:**

I woke up at 1:07 a.m., afraid. Suddenly Edwards' once comforting room was dark and menacing.

I was in a new place, and nervous.

What if _he_ was here, in Chicago? What is I ran into him or he got to me? What if he followed me here and he was just waiting for night to come to find me and get me?

I knew they were ridiculous thoughts, but sometimes it felt like it was a possibility, that someone - especially him- were out to get me.

I shuddered and reached for Edward, only to find empty bed. I panicked looking around for him. He was not in bed. He wasn't in the room. Slowly, I pulled myself into the corner of his bed and looked around his room.

There were so many shadows and this bed was so high, what if _he_ was hiding under it?

_Get a grip, Bella. He's not here. _I pep talked myself but it didn't help one bit. Then suddenly, I heard Edwards' door start to open slowly and I stared at it in horror. My breathing sped up and my eyes started to water as goose bumps flooded my body. I tried to stay quiet, tried to breathe quietly, but when I held my breath, my heartbeat flooded my ears with its loud throbbing.

The door opened all the way, before a large figure appeared in the doorway.

I screamed, burying my head into my knees and covering my head with my arms.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice then light consumed the darkness in the room. I looked up and here he was holding a glass of water that had spilled and was dripping down his hand and his arm onto the tile.

I leaped into his arms, and buried my head in his shoulder, and one arm wrapped around me before I heard him set his glass down, then he was holding me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you alone." I looked up at him, and didn't even notice there were tears running down my cheeks until he wiped them away.

He walked us over to the bed and sat us down, pulling me into his lap and rocking me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think. This is my fault. I'm so sorry." He kept saying that repeatedly as I calmed pressing my face into his neck, right under his chin.

His hands stroked reassuringly down my back and through my hair, softly untangling the rats that had formed in my hair.

He pulled us up the bed, laying us down, Him on his back, me on my side, my head on the pillow, my face still in his neck, his scent calming me.

I fell asleep like that, with Edward softly stroking my hair and back, and dreamt a dreamless, restful sleep.

………

When I woke up the next morning, it was to Edward kissing my forehead.

"Wake up, love," he whispered.

I opened my eyes to him holding me. The light in his room was still on, and it was dark outside, still on seven o' clock.

"How are you?" he asked softly, his eyes shining with worry.

"I'm okay, Edward." I murmured.

"You're not shaken up?" He asked.

I shook my head; little did he know that I was very used to this.

"Okay," he kissed my forehead.

"Why don't we go help with breakfast? It's always a very big event in the Cullen house." He smiled, getting up and holding his hand out to me. I took it and he started to pull me toward his door.

"Shouldn't we get dressed?" I asked.

"Nope. Breakfast time is strictly pajama time." He pulled me in the hall then jogged us to the kitchen.

When we walked into the kitchen, everybody was already talking, laughing and cooking. Delicious smells filled the room. Cupboards slammed as people opened them and shut them. Everybody was talking loudly to each other, and laughter echoed.

"Foods almost ready, set the table!" Alice's voice sounded through the room and I looked around too see everyone in fact still in their pajamas. Edward pulled out the plates and silverware then went and got the red cups, and handed them to me.

"Will you help me, please?" He asked me, smiling.

I nodded, "Of course."

We set the table and in minutes, there were piles of food packed onto the-now very small looking-table.

"Dig in!" Esme yelled, and suddenly hands and forks were in platters. People were yelling for people to pass food around, and it wall all disappearing very quickly.

The food was all swept onto plates in moments, and everything was gone. I looked down expecting to see a very empty white plate staring at me, but instead I saw a plate with food piled on.

"I got food for you as well." Edward voiced next to me, "I figured you wouldn't get any if I didn't get some for you. Don't worry; we're more civilized at the other two meals of the day."

Emmett who was across the table laughed, "You're an only child aren't you?"

Suddenly a loud slap quieted us all down and we looked over to where the sound came from.

Carlisle was rubbing a rather red looking hand.

"You can't have bacon! You need to get your cholesterol down!" Esme scolded him, wagging her finger.

He scowled at his wife for a moment before his lips twitched and he began to laugh.

We all laughed with him, snickering at his hand, which he was still rubbing.

Suddenly, the doorbell sounded and everybody was quieted.

"Are you expecting anyone?" Carlisle asked his wife, confused.

After all, who would be here at 7:30 in the morning unannounced?

Esme shook her head, "No…" but stood up to go get it as the doorbell rang a second time.

We all listened as Esme opened the door a female voice said,

"I came as soon as I heard. How is he?"

I looked around, confused, and saw as each and every face dawned with recognition and realization.

"What is Tanya doing here?"

**A/N: HI!! **

**Aren't you all so HAPPY That I updated so fast!! Okay, so I only got like 11 reviews…this was beyond upsetting…anyway!! **

**I would have sent you all sneak peaks, but the guess that I was looking for was; **_**Tanya is going to show up!!**_

**PLEASE SEND ME MORE THAN SEVEN REVIEWS!! PLEASE!!! PLEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEE!! FOR UPDATING SO FAST!!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Right now I wanted to take a moment to thank my Beta for all that she's done, Broken Nightingale my story would be horrible without her!! **_

_**Previously:**_

_I looked around, confused, and saw as each and every face dawned with recognition and realization._

_"What is Tanya doing here?"_

**I Shouldn't Love You, But I Do**

_**~~Chapter Eighteen~~**_

**BPOV**

Tanya? Edward's ex-girlfriend?

My eyes darted to Edward in shock. Did he _invite_ her here?

His jaw was tense, his hands fisted on the table, knuckles white, and his eyes conveying the same shock, if not horror.

In addition, all too quickly a tall and strawberry blonde woman came into the kitchen as though she owned the place. A smile played on her lips as she looked around with the biggest and brightest blue eyes I had ever seen.

"How are you, Carlisle?" she asked.

"I am feeling better." his voice was curt. He seemed to be contemplating something in his mind, maybe he was wondering what she was doing here.

Tanya then surveyed who was in the kitchen when her eyes landed on Edward. Her stupid smile got bigger before she spoke.

"Oh, Edward, you're not still sour about our past, are you?" She asked him.

Edward had a stoic look to him as he replied. He shook his head, "No. Just surprised you're here."

I felt so out of place, so inadequate. Everyone in the room seemed to be so still as an uncomfortable silence took hold of the room.

"I see. Well, I'm sorry I interrupted breakfast, Esme. I'll just go put my stuff away. Edward's room, I assume?" Tanya and my heart clenched.

Was she being serious?

"Actually, Tanya, _my_ Bella is in there with me." Edward reached over and held my hand, bringing it up to his lips to press a kiss to my palm.

Tanya's blue eyes were suddenly on me, her gaze was piercing, her eyes filled with anger. When she spoke, it was through clenched teeth, "Oh, I didn't see you there. Hello. Well, I guess I'll be staying in the guest room up here, then. Better go unpack my things."

With those words, she turned and walked away.

The awkward silence returned, but this time everyone that was in the kitchen held their stare at Edward. He released my hand and took to staring at his plate. I didn't know what I was supposed to do or what I wanted to do. I was nervous and tense, but Edward's expression spoke volumes of the clear anger he held. He was different from the 'Edward' I knew.

"Who. Called. Her?" His words were strong and cold. His gaze was on Rosalie. It was obvious that he knew who had, but I guess it was his way of reeling in his anger before he had confirmation of who was at fault for the unexpected guest.

"I did." Rosalie said as she leaned back into her chair with a satisfied smirk on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"What gave you the right?" He demanded his voice harsh and ice cold.

"I was upset. Carlisle is like a father to me. So I called a close friend." Her head tilted to the side in mock innocence.

Edwards teeth clenched together so hard, I could hear them grinding.

"Edward, go cool off. Before you say something you'll regret." Carlisle's calm voice spoke full of authority.

Stiffly nodding his head, Edward stood up, caressed my hair, and gave me a quick kiss on top of my head before he walked toward the hallway. A few seconds later a door was slammed.

It felt odd to be in a place with people I did not know well. I felt alone and strange.

"I think I will go back to the room." I murmured.

The family nodded their heads in understanding and I made my way down the hallway.

In Edward's room, I sought solace, but my mind had other plans as I sat on his bed.

Why was Tanya here? Maybe she did want him back. What happened between Edward and Tanya that made him call it off? Why was he so angry with her? Did he still love her? Was he still in love with her? Did he love me?

Ugh! I didn't like questioning everything. I didn't like feeling so insecure.

Tanya was beautiful, any man could see that. And me, I was just a plain messed up teenager - one who was still scared of things that went bump in the night.

I needed to get out of here. Maybe I could explore the backyard or the neighborhood; a walk might clear my mind.

I sighed, walking out of Edward's room and reached the stair when I heard Edward's voice.

I froze on the second to last step and listened as a female voice spoke his name.

"Edward -"

" No. It's been over for years, Tanya. I've moved on." His voice sounded so tired.

"Edward. I was a stupid kid when you proposed to me at graduation; I didn't know what to say. I made a mistake. I've always loved you. I was just so young, Edward. Just give me one more chance." Her voice was pleading, and whiny.

Edward spoke, but I didn't stay to listen.

He_ lied_ to me.

I rushed back to Edward's room and paced around for a little bit before I just plopped down on the bed.

He_ lied_ to me.

He promised me what he said was true.

He_ lied_ to me.

I shook my head as I felt tears gather in my eyes. I knew it was all good to be true. I knew that I wasn't good enough for him. He wanted to marry her, and that was 'no big deal'? He promised me that it was all no big deal, and I had actually _trusted_ him.

Closing my eyes, and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I had to get out of here. I needed to think, to process everything. I needed to leave, I needed to run.

Getting up from the bed, I grabbed my backpack and got some clothes to quickly change into. Once I was dressed, I shoved all my belonging into my bag.

I knew I didn't have enough money to take a bus or flight home. There was only one thing to do: call Eric and Tyler. They were always there for me. They would help me. They would get me out of here.

Before I could reach for the cell phone in my bag, Edward walked into the room.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked. His eyes showing confusion upon seeing my tear stained face.

I quickly wiped the damn tears away.

"**You lied to me.**" My voice was almost emotionless, cold.

"Bella…I'm sorry…just let me explain."

My heart felt crushed at hearing his apology, but I would not let my soul be broken any further. I would not believe this man or any man.

"No. No, I don't want to hear it. Edward you could have told me the truth, you could have been honest with me. You could have said, 'I'm not ready to talk about her, right now,' and I would have understood. You want to know why, because I love you. Instead you lied. You lied to me."

I picked up my bag, and started to walk past him. His hand flew out to grab my arm and I jumped, cringing away from him, not expecting the sudden movement. His eyes widened when he saw me flinch away from him, and he quickly pulled his hand down to his side.

"I wasn't…I didn't…." He was stuttering for words. His eyes were red, and he looked very pale.

"I need to go," I murmured.

"Please let me explain, Bella." I walked out his door, and he followed me down the hall and up the stairs.

"Edward. Please let me thing about this. You lied to me, and you hurt me. I need to think."

That was all I had to say, I could feel the tears in my eyes, as they began to get blurry.

"Bella you don't understand….." He began.

"I understand enough! Let me think! _Please_." My voice was quiet at the end, a little bit of the pain seeping through. I opened the door and walked out, shutting it behind me.

I pulled the cell phone out that Eric and Tyler gave me and quickly dialed Eric as I walked down the street towards town.

"Hello?"

**EPOV**

Damn it all. Damn Rosalie and her big mouth. Damn Tanya for showing up and ruining my life again.

Bella had left. She walked out of here with that hurt look on her face.

I wanted to run after her, to have her hear me out. But, I didn't. I was standing by the front door like the coward fool I felt like. I tried to convince myself that she needed time to think, however she was in a new city and had no where to go.

I had to go after her.

Turning to go back to my room and get my car keys, I stopped where I was when I saw Rosalie with that smug look on her face.

"What happened?" She asked, faking concern.

"What happened?" I spoke in a rage. "What happened Rosalie is that YOU called Tanya. What happened was that right when I felt as though things could be more than alright, that I had a chance to be TRULY happy - you've ruined it."

"If she truly loves you, she'll be back." Rosalie spat.

"You don't understand it. You don't understand our situation, or how she was deeply hurt in the past. I barely got her to give me a chance and trust me." I was losing my voice, just saying those words made me feel more like a jackass for lying to Bella.

"A seventeen year old, deeply hurt? Somehow I highly doubt that." Rosalie snorted.

My eyes widened, and I straightened up.

"How did you know?" I asked, surprised she knew Bella's age.

"I have my ways. I know that little Miss Isabella Marie Swan is seventeen years old and that she is a student at the school you teach. In fact, she is in one of your classes. Someone has been naughty. Shame on you, Edward." She sounded so condescending as she spoke.

"It is NOT like that." I said. I shut my eyes, and pulled my fingers through my hair, tugging at the ends.

"She is seventeen Edward." Rosalie said.

"Bella will be eighteen soon. And do not dare make it sound like what Bella and I have is some nasty fling, because it isn't like that. Yes, I know that because of our situation, it is wrong. But, hell, you don't have any notion about Bella or me. I had given up hope on everything, yet she is the one who has made me realize I don't have to give up. I'm not perfect, I have my flaws - but to me she is perfect. I am happy when I am with her. Now, I'm going to get my things and go find Bella. I won't be staying here." I uttered each word with conviction.

And as soon as I finished my last words, the rest of the family walked into the hallway. Their faces were etched in disbelief and disappoint. I didn't want them to find out this way, but I didn't have the luxury or want to stay and explain my plain myself further. Bella was out there and I had to make sure she was safe.

Rushing back to my room I was quick to get my things together and I made a call to Bella's cell; She didn't answer and I left her a message pleading with her to call me back so I could tell her how much I do love her.

I would find Bella and fix things.

**BPOV**

"Are you 21?" The bartender looked at me closely. I pulled out my fake ID - that I hadn't used him months - and handed it to him.

"That says I am." I shrugged. He sighed and handed me some peanuts.

"Eat first. Who do I call when you're drunk off your ass?"

I rolled my eyes, "Tyler," I wrote his name and number down on a napkin and handed it to him.

Tyler and Eric were trying to figure out a way to come and get me, they were thinking of driving here, no stops. In that case, they'd be here tomorrow night.

I ate the peanuts quickly, just wanting to get rid of the pain, and hurt, get rid of the aching tearing in my stomach that felt like it was throbbing.

"There, satisfied. Now, I want a shot of your strongest vodka." I said.

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head disapprovingly, but gave me the glass.

"Wow. I didn't realize that you were old enough to drink." I heard a soft voice next to me, then the glass was taken out of my hand and I watched as Jasper swallowed _my_ drink, all in one gulp.

**(A/n: HAHA!! Evil cliffhanger, I know, but I REALLY want some reviews this time!! I've been SUCH a good updater!! Don't you think?? I hate to think of what this chapter would be like, unedited. *shudder***

_**20 REVIEWS THIS TIME I WILL NOT UPDATE UNTIL I GET 20!!!!**_

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	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **_

"_Wow. I didn't realize that you were old enough to drink."_

_I heard a soft voice next to me, then the glass was taken out of my hand and I watched as Jasper swallowed my drink, all in one gulp."_

**I Shouldn't Love You, But I Do**

_**~~Chapter Nineteen~~**_

**BPOV**

"How did you find me?" I questioned.

"I went where Alice told me to go. She said I should be the one to talk to you."

_How the hell did Alice know where I was?_

He seemed to see the confusion on my face, and he smiled, "She knows things."

I closed my eyes. There was a reason that I was sitting alone in a bar - I wanted to be _alone_, away from everybody.

"I want to talk to you," Jasper drawled, sitting down next to me.

"And what makes you think I'll listen?" I asked, an eyebrow raised and an emotionless mask in place.

His eyebrows shot up, and he chuckled, "The fact that you're going through, what I already went through."

What? Did he have a so-called relationship with his teacher, go to a new city to meet his family and find out his loved one lied to him? I highly doubted it.

I pursed my lips, and looked for an escape. The bathroom was past him. The door was past him. I was cornered. And I was the one who had done it to myself. I shook my head in disbelief and rolled my eyes.

_Smart one Bella._

"Fine." I muttered. I did not feel like staying, but I was sure he could catch me if I did decide to make a run for it. I guess my only option was to hear him out, I mentally groaned at that fact.

He smiled. "Thank you. Now, I just wanted to tell you something about someone who _lied_ to me once, to let you know that I know how you feel; I can relate to what you're going through.

"Back in high school, I had a girlfriend, her name was Maria. We were very close. To tell you the truth, I was very much in love with her. I didn't care that she had a reputation for being unfaithful - I loved her and I only had eyes for her. I thought that maybe since she was with me, she would not stray. It was very naïve of me to think that.

"There was a moment where I questioned her, because I felt her pulling away. But she told me that there was no one else, that she loved me.

"We were together for about a year and half when one day I walked into chemistry a little early and there she was kissing my best friend. I was disappointed and hurt. I gave her the chance to talk to me, because I figured she should have the chance to explain herself, it was really all I could do." He paused.

"What did she say?" I asked, and although I was unwillingly listening, I found myself getting absorbed into his story.

He smiled, a little wistfully, "She just told me the truth. She had fallen in love with him, and I didn't know how to tell me. She didn't want to hurt me, because she cared for me. I just wanted her to be happy. So, I told her that I always love her in a way, and left. I went for a drive. I just had to get out of there, and think.

"My car broke down in a little town, and Alice stopped to help me. And even though she knew nothing about cars, she helped me. Somehow, we became friends, you can say, and she was just wonderful to me. She was a breath of fresh air and made it easy to be around her. I fell in love with Alice, her kindness, with all of her." He was smiling as he told me about Alice, and my heart broke into two as I thought of Edward and me, wondering if I would have to move on.

"What's your point, Jasper? Not that hearing about being crushed, then finding love isn't a great subject." My voice was bitter, although I didn't mean for it to come out like that, I didn't bother apologizing.

"My point, Bella, is that you should hear Edward out. Because if you love him and want to know if you are meant to be together, you need to know why he did what he did. If not, the question to why he lied might eat at you forever. It is better to know the truth, in my opinion - then and only then I think that you can let fate take its course."

**EPOV**

Words I didn't want to hear repeated themselves in my mind. Words of rejection from Tanya. Words of how we shouldn't be together from Bella. They were nothing alike and though both words from them had hurt me - Tanya really had no place in my life, not even with her immature behavior and malice. And I would not let the bitter memory of what we had and how it came to an end ruin my chances with Bella. I couldn't lose Bella. There was more to her and there was something about her that told me I couldn't live with out her.

I wandered aimlessly, trying to see if I could make Bella out in the crowd. I didn't see her anywhere. I dialed her number on my cell and hoped she would answer. No, nothing but her voicemail.

After packing the car with my belongings, I had foolishly taken to walking instead. Bella had a few minutes head start and though my steps were taken in long strides, she was still out of my sight, out of my reach.

My family's home was not far from the local attraction sites. So I walked in hopes of seeing Bella outside a restaurant or café, I went in the hotels front lobby and asked if a young lady in her description had walked in - still no Bella.

Finally, I felt my phone buzz in my hand and I was quick to answer it.

"Bella?" I breathed out her name in desperation.

"No. But she's on her way to the house. I suspect you'd want to be here when she arrives?" Alice's calm voice questioned me.

I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my cell phone, not even bothering to answer Alice's question.

Bella would be at the house and I needed to get back there, too. Willing all my energy, I ran toward my family's house, where I would hopefully talk things out with Bella.

**BPOV**

Jasper led me out of the bar, into a big blue rusty truck right out front. He opened my door for me and I hopped in. We didn't say a word as the soft country music played inside the vehicle. Somehow, it felt like if I knew Jasper forever, almost like if he was that older cousin who watched out for his own.

The house came into sight what felt like seconds after we had gotten in the car, considering that I had walked for almost an hour.

Edward was pacing on the porch, his hands tugging through his hair, again and again as Alice watched him, smirking.

"Are you ready?" Jasper asked as he pulled in front of the house, and pulled the keys out of the ignition, leaning back in his seat.

I shook my head, tears stinging at my eyes as my breath quivered and my stomach ached at the sight of him. His hands had paused in his hair, and he was staring at me through the glass separating us. His body was tense, and there were dark circles under his bloodshot eyes.

"I'm ready." I pushed open the heavy door and jumped down, walking toward what was my happiness and my desperate sadness all wrapped into one.

He was staring at me as I walked towards him. He seemed to be holding his breath as he stared at me, and when I got to him, I noticed that he was in fact, not breathing.

After what felt like a million steps, I was on the porch, close enough to reach out and touch him, but I didn't.

"Let's talk, Edward." I murmured.

He held his hand out to me, and I stared down at it, contemplating the gesture. I took his hand and concentrated on it wrapped around mine, the warmth and the curves of his hand.

I walked toward the door, ignoring Alice and Jasper, who were watching us carefully.

Once inside, I headed to the living room where Edward and Tanya had talked, only hours before. I prepared myself for the pain, taking deep breaths.

But, he tugged on my hand stopping me.

"Can we talk in my room? I'd appreciate a more private place." His voice was soft and reassuring. It was like warm butter melting on homemade bread on a cold winter day. And I wanted to melt. I wanted to refuse his touches and stay strong. I wanted his warm protective arms around me.

Instead, I nodded quietly and headed towards his room.

There was this heavy, sad silence between us and shame was coming off him in waves.

I wanted to forgive him. But the pain that I felt about the fact that he had broken a promise and lied to me was so much more dominant over my mind. I trusted him, but I didn't want to. After all, how many more lies had he told me? What else had he kept from me?

When we made it into his room, he sat on his bed and patted the spot next to him.

I sat down, crossed legged and looked at him imploringly.

It wasn't until then that I noticed he was still in his pajamas. I sighed. This morning at breakfast felt like years ago.

He slowly reached for my hand and pulled it into his lap, playing with my fingers, and then intertwining our hands, staring down at them.

"Please…let me hold your hand, for this. I want to touch you one last time before you leave me." His face was vulnerable, and I couldn't say no.

So, I squeezed his fingers, and he smiled softly, which made my heart swell, despite the circumstances.

I loved him and that was probably the biggest mistake I had ever made. I hated that I couldn't just be un-emotional. I couldn't be rude or hurtful, and I couldn't put him behind me. It would be impossible for me to move on.

"I should probably start with what happened between Tanya and me." His voice broke through my thoughts. He was looking down at my fingers, his face scrunched up and tense in thought.

"I went to College in Alaska, with my brothers and sisters. I was always the third wheel, but it didn't bug me. I was happy. Then, I met Tanya. Emmett made me go out on a night when I wanted to stay in, and study. I was in pre-med then. I wanted to be a doctor. A pediatrician.

"Emmett made me go out, and Rosalie made Tanya go out with her. We were both sitting at the table, while everyone was dancing, and just like that, we were friends. She was kind, and sweet, friendly, and I was happy I had finally made a new friend, instead of just being with my brothers and sisters all the time.

"She asked me on a date a few weeks after that first night, I said yes, and we went out almost every night that week. By the end of the next month, we were an exclusive couple." He paused, for a moment, and I processed what he said to me. He was happy with her.

I tried to reign in my pain, at the thought of him being so happy and content with someone else. I didn't want him to _not_ need me, because I sure as hell needed him.

I tried to hold my question in, but it came out, sounding quiet and vulnerable, "Did you…..did you love her?"

His eyes snapped to mine, and he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I didn't know what love was, until I met you, Bella." He breathed, cupping my face, with one hand, his thumb stroking my cheekbone.

I nodded.

"Anyway, we dated through out college. And, halfway through my first year, I changed majors, so I could spend more time with her, she was becoming a teacher, and I wanted to be with her. So, I met her family in Denali-that's where we all went to college- and she came home with me for a holiday to meet my family.

"Everyone thought that we would be married and to me that was a great possibility. I did propose to her one evening and I was expecting a 'yes'. The prospect of a 'no' hadn't even entered my mind. I listened to how everyone thought we were great together and that we belonged together. I accepted that was how things were supposed to be, so why not make it official. She said no. She wasn't ready to be married; because she wasn't quite sure, we belonged together. She wanted more.

"I was angry. Because not had she made me believe that we could be something, but the way she told me - it was as though we were nothing, I was nothing. It hurt me to feel that rejected. I walked away from her, from Alaska, from my family - from everything. I moved to Forks to be a teacher and I brooded for years, bitter."

"I started to think about going back to college and pursue becoming a doctor, because heaven knows I am not happy with being a teacher. It is not me.

"But, I have to say that if I didn't become a teacher I would have never met you. And Bella to me you are everything. I want to be there for you, I want to protect you, and I want to live my life out with you. You are the only one I see in my future. You are my life, now, and I will follow you, wherever you go. That is if you still want me in your life."

**(A/n: HA! I HAVE UPDATED WITHIN A WEEK!!...I think…. DID YOU LIKE IT?!**

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	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **__"But, I have to say that if I didn't become a teacher I would have never met you. And Bella to me you are everything. I want to be there for you, I want to protect you, and I want to live my life out with you. You are the only one I see in my future. You are my life, now, and I will follow you, wherever you go. That is if you still want me in your life."_

**I Shouldn't Love You, But I Do**

_**~~Chapter Twenty~~**_

**BPOV**

We were lying in bed facing each other, his arms were around me, mine resting on his chest. Edward's warm hands were slowly rubbing up and down my back.

"We have to talk about this, you know." He murmured, but he made no move to sit up or move at all; he only brought his face closer to me pressing his lips softly to my forehead as he took a deep breath.

"I know." I breathed out, but neither of us moved.

After his slight confession, I had just given in. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted him to hold me, and after being around him for what seemed like an eternity without his arms around me, I had launched myself into his arms.

I didn't trust him completely, but I needed this. I needed his warmth, I needed his comfort.

He had scooted us back on the bed, and laid us down, his body relaxed, after being tense the whole time I had been with him, and his smile was blinding.

Kissing all around my face, he had whispered his love for me over and over again.

"I didn't want to lie to you." His voice softly pulled me out of my musings, quiet and full of regret.

I tensed up, pushing away from him slightly.

He just flexed his arms around me, pulling me close again.

"I just couldn't talk about her...I didn't want to think about the pain and suffering she caused me. This is the first time I've seen my family since my graduation from college and I rarely call. I didn't want to rehash details from my past. I didn't want to think about my life before I met you. I just wanted to stay in our little happy bubble," He pulled me close, kissing the top of my head, "I can see that was wrong. I've messed up so many times already. I promise to never lie to you again, Bella. I will always be completely honest with you, no matter how uncomfortable the subject."

I nodded my head, telling myself to just trust him again. Just one more time, but it wouldn't be that easy.

"I keep telling myself to trust you…."I murmured into his chest.

"I don't deserve your trust," He whispered, "But I'd love for you to try to give it to me again."

"I'll try," I whispered.

"I'll try to earn it," He breathed into my hair.

I buried my head further into his chest, taking in his scent.

_What had I been thinking? Was there ever a choice or a chance of me giving him up? I was to drawn to him, too attached to ever be rid of him. _

Suddenly, there were three quick raps on the door and Alice rushed herself in to Edward's room.

"Did you guys mend the damage?" She asked.

"Mostly," Edward murmured, looking at me softly, kissing my forehead. "Someday you'll trust me again," he vowed.

I closed my eyes, wishing with all my might that this could be over, that I could put this bump on the road behind us. I wanted to reach the point where I would trust him again.

However, that was not me. I had lost my complete trust in him and now Edward had to start rebuilding the faith I needed for him to regain my trust.

What a pair we were. I was someone who was deeply troubled, and he was a man that was terrified to open up because of a past love.

So, we went through this as it was.

Alice cleared her throat, pulling us out of our bubble, and murmured, "I brought food. Tanya's still here and we'd rather you didn't see her." She carried a plate of sandwiches and a bag of chips that I did not recall seeing before.

"Not very glamorous, but its food and you two need to eat." She said, setting it down on the bed, and then leaving quickly as she had arrived.

"Bella…I want to approach a subject with you…." Edward murmured, after we had begun eating, Indian style across from each other.

"What?"

He took my hand. "Bella, since you have not talked to a professional about what happened to you, about the attempted-" He paused anger clear on his expression. He gave himself a moment to compose himself and started again. "Bella, I think it would be good if you talked to my father, to Carlisle about what happened. I think it would help you to talk to him. It might do you some good…" He trailed off, looking at me anxiously.

"What?"

**A/N: HAHAHA!! EVIL!! But, I didn't get 25 reviews!!! **

**25 reviews please, even though it's short!! Please push the reviews over 400, PLEASE!!!!**

_**So, what do you think Bella is going to do???**_

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	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **_

_He took my hand. "Bella, since you have not talked to a professional about what happened to you, about the attempted-" He paused anger clear on his expression. He gave himself a moment to compose himself and started again. "Bella, I think it would be good if you talked to my father, to Carlisle about what happened. I think it would help you to talk to him. It might do you some good…" He trailed off, looking at me anxiously._

_"What?"_

**I Shouldn't Love You, But I Do**

_**~~Chapter Twenty-One~~**_

**BPOV**

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling very small.

He wanted me to talk to someone about what had happened? And he wanted me to talk to his_ father_ about it?

"I can't." I automatically said, my voice taking on a panicky edge.

He frowned, "Why not? Give me a good reason why you shouldn't talk to Carlisle and you won't have to."

I frantically searched for something about me that his dad shouldn't or couldn't know.

"I can't talk to someone so soon after having a fight with you…please. Just give me some time...please." I scooted into his lap, and tucked my head under his chin.

He sighed, wrapping his arms around me.

"You need to talk to someone Bella. Please stop trying to avoid the subject." He held me close, trying to reassure me. I just felt boxed in, claustrophobic.

"Okay." I murmured.

"I'm going to go and put these dishes in the kitchen quickly. I'll be back down soon." He kissed my forehead, as I got off his lap.

"All right," I smiled at him.

As soon as he was gone, I ran to the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind me. I pulled my cell phone out, leaning against the door, as I dialed the number I knew by heart.

"Yea?" Tyler answered.

"Tyler. I don't need to get out of here. I'm good, everything's worked out. Please don't ask questions." I said it in a rush, begging him to not say anything.

I practically heard him raise his eyebrow over the phone.

"Bella…are you sure?" He asked and I sighed in relief. This was why I called Tyler; I knew he wouldn't question me further if I asked him not to.

"I'm sure. I'm okay. It was a misunderstanding. Everything is fine, Tyler." I whispered, pleading with him to understand.

He sighed, "Okay, Bella. Please, please text me if you need anything. Please."

It was unusual for Tyler to beg like that. So I quickly agreed and hung up the phone, opening the door to find Edward standing on the other side.

"Are you okay? I heard you talking to someone?" He looked at me apprehensively.

I laughed nervously, "I was talking to Tyler. I called him and Eric earlier…" I admitted, lowering my eyes to look at the tan carpet.

Edward's fingers were under my chin immediately. His eyes soft and understanding when he gently pulled my chin up, "I understand, Bella. You go to them when you feel hurt, or betrayed. I'm glad you have them." He wrapped his arms around me.

I hugged him back and rested my cheek on his chest softly; He rubbed my back tenderly.

After a moment he pulled away and grabbed my hand, guiding me back to the room so we could talk some more.

I sighed, tugging on his hand.

He turned around, his eyebrows pulled together, "What's wrong, Angel?" He murmured.

"Edward…can we take a break on the talking? I know we need to talk, but I need a break."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I can understand that, I think we both need a small chance to mend. But, we do need to discuss things over. We can't just ignore things, Bella." He smiled softly, and reached up to rub my shoulder softly.

I closed my eyes. I really,_ really_ didn't want to talk about this.

I felt Edward tug on my hand again and we walked back to his room, sitting on his sofa this time.

"Bella. I really think you should talk to Carlisle once while we're here. I think it would help you so much to talk to someone who knows about these kinds of things."

I clenched my teeth. Why were we talking about this? I was doing fine. I'm doing okay. I'm living happily and rarely having nightmares anymore. What was so important about talking about it to someone? It would go away eventually!

It's _not_ a problem!

"Why do you _care_?" I snapped, and then closed my eyes tightly, shaking my head.

"I'm sorry. It's hard for me to talk about these things." I looked at him apologetically and he nodded.

"It's quite normal. I was expecting it." He held out his hand so I could rest mine in his, and he squeezed it.

"Maybe we should resume this conversation tomorrow. But, please think about it Bella. Consider it. We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?" He kissed my forehead, and I felt my whole body sag in relief. I hadn't even known I was tense.

"What time is it?" I questioned him, looking around.

He reached over and grabbed his watch off the nightstand.

"Four o' clock…wow. It's time for dinner soon." He closed his eyes. "How about we go out for a nice dinner? On our first date?" He questioned me, suddenly eager and smiling, face so childlike I couldn't just turn him down.

"A nice dinner? Edward….I don't have a dress." I murmured apologetically.

His face dropped slightly, but then he brightened again, "I'm sure Alice has something you can wear. Stay here, I'll be right back." He was gone before I could say anything.

He just seemed so excited to just spend time with me, talk to me, and now go on our first official date. I couldn't say no to him, I just had to see him happy. I wanted to make him happy; I wanted to be happy with him.

So, I waited for him to come back. What I didn't expect was Alice to be dragging him in the room.

"Oh, I have the perfect thing!" She exclaimed, "Come with me!" She dragged me off the bed, and I was yanked in the direction of her small room.

**EPOV:**

I watched Bella being dragged away by Alice and sighed. Our whole world had fallen, in just one simple over heard conversation and it was my fault.

Seeing Bella after she had left me was so nerve-wracking. Her face was stern, and pained. She had been so broken. After one simple lie, the careful foundation of trust that I had worked for had just cracked, and broken. Just like that.

I talked to her, and tried to tell her what really happened. She believed me, and at that moment, the relief that I felt was so immense that I felt physically exhausted from it.

We talked what seemed to be much and yet so little. I held her close before I gave voice to a suggestion that I believed would give her perspective and a sense of liberation; I told her that I though it was best for her to talk to Carlisle. He is a brilliant and compassionate doctor, he has a way with people and I am sure that he can help Bella cope with what had happened between her and that degenerate who tried to abuse her.

She begged me to give her some time that I will give. What was I going to do? Force her to talk? The only thing I could do was implore her to consider it.

So, after going to put everything away, I came back downstairs to find her talking on the phone. I wasn't surprised to find out that she had called them, seeking comfort. And I was fine with it. Those two boys had been there for her and understood her; they gave her the comfort and support she was used to. Yes, I admit I was a little jealous that two guys, who were younger than me, were able to provide a comfort to Bella, but, was I not the man that loved her and yet kept secrets from her?

We went back to the room and she had done what I was expecting: she had snapped at me. I was expecting it to happen, but it hurt all the same.

I was glad that we were going to go out. It was something normal that we had not done.

I grabbed my suit out of the suitcase in my car, too lazy to carry it back in, then headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for our first date. I could repair the damage that I had caused. I would gain her full trust. I would be someone she could run to no matter what.

It was just going to take some time

**BPOV:**

Alice nodded at me approvingly.

"You look so beautiful in that dress, Bella." She smiled.

Alice had dressed me in a black dress that went almost went to my knees, and had a scoop neck and cap sleeves. It was very simple, but pretty.

"Now for hair and make-up!" She all but yelled with a happy expression on her face.

Before I could protest, she pushed me down into the chair in front of her vanity. She started to work on my hair, brushing out until it was straight and then she took out her curling iron.

As she worked on creating loose ringlets, I did my best not to gripe about this girly girl situation. Done with my hair, Alice expertly began to dab me with a little make-up.

We didn't talk at all. I sat still in the somewhat comfortable silence letting Edward's sister play dress up with me.

When she was finally done with her little makeover with me. Alice moved to a what assume was her jewelry box. She retrieved a nice gold necklace and a ring.

"You know…no one cares that you're younger than him. We love you no matter how old you are." She put the necklace around my neck.

My eyebrows pulled together, and I told myself to nod and just forget about it, but my curiosity got the better of me. "You know I'm younger than him?" I questioned.

"Of course we know, Bella. We know that you're his student." She smiled at me. Grabbing my right hand she slipped her ring around my middle finger, "Hmm, looky there, we are the same ring size. You're ready."

I was confused.

She knew?

They all knew that I was Edward's student?

How did she know? Why didn't they care? Edward and I were in a forbidden relationship in the eyes of society.

"You don't _care_? Alice, it's wrong." I blurted out, and then rolled my eyes at myself. _You think you could shut it, Bella? Try not to spill your whole life's story. _

She put her hand on my shoulder, looking at me in the mirror, "Does it feel wrong, Bella?" She smiled at me.

"No." I admitted, slightly uncomfortable with this conversation, with opening up to someone I hardly knew.

She shrugged, "Then it's not."

I was staring up at her with that same shocked look when Edward knocked on the door, pocking his head in.

"Are you ready?" He asked me, and I looked at him through the mirror, before turning in my chair to look at him.

He was wearing a blue stripped shirt with a dark blue tie, dress jacket and pants. His hair was all over the place; his fingers had obviously run through it many times today.

I thought about him for a minute as I stared into his eyes. I thought about how it felt to have his hand wrapped around mine, his arms holding me.

Alice was right. Nothing that felt this right could ever be wrong.

I walked over to him and he held his hand out for me.

"You are so beautiful." He complimented, his hand coming up to gently run through my hair, stroking the soft curls.

"Thank you," I murmured. It was impossible to not believe him.

"You guys better go!" Alice sang from behind me. She gave me a quick hug, and I said 'thank you,' in her ear. She just smiled and nodded.

Edward and I were off to our first date.

**A/N: I still didn't get my twenty five reviews.**

**I have decided that I will leave cliffy's until I get them.**

**So, what do you think Edward and Bella will do on their first date? If anyone guesses it right, they get a preview of the next chapter.)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **__"You guys better go!" Alice sang from behind me. She gave me a quick hug, and I said 'thank you,' in her ear. She just smiled and nodded._

_Edward and I were off to our first date._

**I Shouldn't Love You, But I Do**

_**~~Chapter Twenty-Two~~**_

**BPOV:**

Edward opened my door for me as we got into the car. It was something new and a bit awkward for me about him opening the door; still, I nodded at him in thanks. He smiled at me clearly excited about our date.

He pulled out of the driveway quickly and started down the same path I had taken earlier when I made a run from it. Passing the bar that I was at just hours before, I felt guilty about the actions I had planned to take then.

Edward reached for my hand and gently rested it with his on his thigh. "What kind of food are you in the mood for?" he asked as he drove down a venue with several different varieties to choose from, my eyes fell on Chinese restaurant. I told him that Chinese food would be good, if he wanted it.

He shrugged, "I'm not picky, and my favorite food is Chinese. I could eat it any day." He smiled softly at me.

"Mine too," I smiled at him.

He pulled into the parking lot, and we got out of the car and headed inside.

The lighting was low inside the restaurant; it was decorated with the usual adornment that can be found in a Chinese restaurant. By the large fish tank was a white sign that stated 'Please wait to be seated.'

When I spotted a woman who I though looked similar to Tanya, I felt like there were shards of ice in my stomach. I snuggled closer to Edward, trying to forget that he had lied, trying to let it go. After all, people lied all the time, right?

Then why did it _hurt_ so much?

Edward wrapped an arm around me and whispered that he loved me, almost as he sensed my quick discomfort.

"Okay, come this way, and we'll get ya seated. Sorry about the wait." The server's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

We followed her to a small table tucked in the corner. Edward thanked her and pulled my chair out for me.

"Thank you," I murmured.

He sat down across from me, and then reached across to hold my hand that was sitting limply by my silverware.

"What would you like to drink?" The waiter asked kindly, walking up to the table.

Edward nodded at me to go first, and I asked for a Sprite. Edward ordered the same, and the waiter was soon gone.

"So, what would you like?" Edward questioned, opening his menu to look through things.

I quickly opened mine and looked things through, noticing the sweet and sour chicken.

"I think I'll get the sweet and sour chicken…if that's okay?" I questioned. Was he going to pay or was that up to me?

Edward seemed like the type to pay for a woman on a date, but, after all, this was the modern world. It was common that women paid for half.

Suddenly I was very grateful that I brought some money with me.

"I think I'll get the General Chao chicken." He smiled at me.

"There is a place similar to this one that Tyler, Eric and I go to in Seattle. I'm a Chinese food lover." I smiled.

He laughed, "Is the food good there?"

I widened my eyes dramatically and nodded, "You've never been there? The food is amazing."

"I'll have to take you there sometime," He picked up my hand, kissing it softly.

I blushed, looking down at the tablecloth, rubbing it between my thumb and forefinger, fidgeting lightly.

Half of me felt so thrilled at the fact that he was making plans for the future, but another half of me was asking if it was just an empty promise.

When I looked back up at Edward, he was looking at his glass of water the waitress had provided along with out sprites. He twirled the straw absentmindedly, his mind obviously far away, a frown on his face.

"How do I repair this damage I've caused?" He asked himself, so quietly; I knew for sure I wasn't supposed to hear.

"I don't know." I answered him anyway.

His eyes snapped to mine and he was about to say something when the waiter came and interrupted, asking us politely what we'd like to eat.

"General Chao, please…and, Bella, you wanted the sweet and sour, right?" He questioned, and I nodded in confirmation.

As we waited for the food, he kissed my palm and told me he loved me in soft whispers, as if that would repair everything. I knew for a fact that love couldn't save you. My mother was gone, and my father's love did nothing to save her.

The waited came what felt like seconds later, and we ate in a comfortable silence.

"You've got some sauce on your lip." Edward said after a few minutes. He reached over to swipe it off with his finger then put it in his mouth. "Mmm…I've always loved Sweet and Sour chicken." He smiled.

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, until the waiter came, and asked us if we would like anything else.

I shook my head, but Edward ordered a slice of double chocolate cake, and one glass of milk.

When the waiter walked away, I murmured, "You don't have to do that."

He didn't have to follow the cliché date with the cake that's shared, and the perfect courteous act.

However, Edward smiled; "I want to…" he reached across to stroke my cheek.

The cake came moments later. Edward had a bite-sized portion on the fork and held it in front of my lips. I shook my head.

"Did you know, that when babies are infants, less than a year, when they feed you, it means that they trust you?" He questioned me, quirking his eyebrow. I shook my head.

"Do you trust me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows again.

I hesitated a moment, "Yes, but, I'm not an infant, Edward."

"Same goes for adults. Would you let a stranger put food in your mouth?" He asked.

"No!" I exclaimed, automatically picturing some weird person, trying to feed me.

"Then show me that you trust me." His intense eyes bored into mine and I realized what he wanted.

He needed the reassurance. He wanted me to show him that I trusted him: After what happened today, he figured that I didn't trust him.

So, when he placed the fork at my lips again, I opened my mouth.

After we left the restaurant, Edward asked me if I wouldn't mind just going one more place.

I told him that would be fine.

He turned on the radio, soft jazz sounds filled the car, as he drove to the undisclosed location.

The next thing I heard was Edwards' soft voice waking me up. He was stroking my cheek, softly staring into my eyes. He planted a kiss on my forehead, and smiled, "Are you sure you don't just want to go home, we've had a tiring day."

I shook my head, a little groggily, blinking to get the sleep out of my eyes.

"No, I'm okay. Where are we?" It was already dark out and it appeared we were parked on the side of the highway, near the woods.

"We're at a place I used to go when I used to live here. I would come here to study when I came home for breaks….I came here to think." He opened his door, and the cold air that flew into the car made me suck in a deep breath.

Edward opened my door and wrapped his arm around me to keep me warm, rubbing my arm softly.

"Are you okay? Too cold?" He questioned.

"No, I'm good." But the goose bumps on my skin gave me away.

He took off his jacket, wrapped it around my shoulders, before placing his arm back around me.

We walked through the woods, and before long, we came to a small meadow with beautiful trees and flowers spread around it, as the moonlight shown down.

Even though I had Edwards' jacket on, and the calming scent made me relax, it was still cold through the thin material. I could feel the tip of my nose sting as a cold breeze blew.

Edward sat us down in the meadow, with his back against a tree, and patted the spot between his legs.

I sat down, leaning my back up against him softly.

He wrapped his arm around me, leaning his head against mine.

"Have you thought about what I asked you earlier?" he questioned, placing my hand on his and holding it there with his other hand, rubbing small circles.

I felt uneasiness build up in my stomach, and I shook my head angrily. Why did he have to ruin a good night with this? Why did he have to let me have a break, let me forget, and then bring it all back up to the surface?

"No, I haven't," I snapped at him.

"Listen, Bella," his voice was so calm, it just made me angrier. "I realize that you're upset-"

I cut him off, "Darn right, I'm upset!"

And, that was when Edward finally snapped.

He stood up, from behind me, making sure that I was okay, before he began to pace in front of me.

"I don't think you're mad at all. I think, that you think you should be mad, you should be upset that I lied to you, but your not. You forgave me the moment you found out. The moment it happened, I was forgiven, and it _scared_ you.

"You're mad because you know I'm right about the therapy, you know you need it. But, you are not mad at me, you're mad at yourself. You know you need it, and that irritates you because you do not want to need it. You cannot control everything, Bella. Things happen, terrible things. But, people still love you anyway! Sometimes you don't need help getting over things that have happened, and sometimes you do! Either way people love you, Bella!" He was panting when he was finished, and I was staring at him, shocked.

How could he be so sure of himself? He thinks he knows what I feel….and…he's right…I forgave him the moment I heard it. I was mad, sure. But that's because I knew it was okay. I would take anything he gave me, and that scared me.

He walked back over to me, kneeling in front of me, and cupping my face in his hands.

"Just…please let me love you, Bella. Don't be afraid or insecure about it. Let me hold you and rub your back. Let me love you, and please, just love me back. That's all I ask, Bella. I know that you love me. I'm just asking you to believe in it." His voice had softened and he had moved his hands to hold my own in his, up to his chest. His hands were warm, even though mine were like ice.

I closed my eyes, as I felt one of my walls come crashing down around me.

"But…I don't….I don't know how."

His warm hand moved to my heart, and he leaned his forehead against mine, making my eyes snap open. "You do, Bella. In here," He applied a bit more pressure where his hand was on my heart, "Just follow what tells you to do Bella. Just follow your heart."

**A/n: I only got ELEVEN reviews!!! : ( I WILL not update until I get more reviews people!!! Seriously!!!**

**Ask questions!! Try and predict stuff!! Send me reviews!!! **


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **__"Just follow what this tells you to do Bella. Just follow your heart."_

**I Shouldn't Love You, But I Do**

_**~~Chapter Twenty-Three~~**_

**BPOV: **

"I love you, Bella. Please let me help you. Angel, please talk to Carlisle." His eyes, dark and intense, as they searched mine beseechingly, pleadingly.

I couldn't say no. Not because he was begging me. Not because his I wanted to do this for him. I couldn't say no, because I knew he was right. I needed to do this for me. I needed to move on from my silent torture.

So, I nodded at him, slowly.

His smile was blinding.

He leaned forward, kissing me on the lips, on my cheeks, all over my face.

"Thank you, Bella." He breathed, "I want you to be happy so, so badly."

Resting his forehead on mine, he closed his eyes.

~O~

I fell asleep in the car, with my head on Edwards shoulder, his arm tight around me. As he carried me in, I heard Esmes' soft, motherly voice surround me, along with the warmth of the house.

"I hope everything has worked out, Edward. Even though she's so much younger than you…well, you seem happy, Edward. And, although I'm not happy about the fact that she is your student, I want you happy." I felt her brush my bangs from my forehead, and I stirred a bit.

"Edward…" I murmured, groggily, "lemme down…I probably weigh a ton…." I trailed off, wriggling a little bit so he would let me down.

Before I could even hear his protest, I was asleep again.

~O~

I woke up again when he set me down onto the bed.

"Bella…you should change into some comfy clothes and take off your jewelry." He murmured, cupping my cheek, rubbing his thumb across my cheekbone softly.

"Okay…." I trailed off, my eyelids fluttering closed again.

"Bella…." He sang, beginning to trail kisses down my cheek to try to wake me up.

"Okay…just give me a minute to wake up…"

Edward laughed, "Come on, Sweetheart. You have to wake up." He pulled my hands, forcing me to sit up.

I whined quietly, opening my eyes.

"I'll go change in the bathroom, okay?" He murmured against my forehead as he gave it another kiss.

I nodded sleepily.

Edward let go of me, pulling his keys out of his pocket as he walking out of the room. Confused, I looked around. His suitcase wasn't anywhere to be seen.

_Where was he going? Was he leaving me? _The panic stricken thought forced me to act before I could logically think about it.

I jumped out of the bed, and ran after him, yanking the door open, and calling out his name hoarsely as I ran toward the stairs.

He hadn't even made it out of the basement.

His eyebrows pulled together, and he opened his arms to catch me as I ran toward him. The force of my impact sent him stumbling backward.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked me, frantically, "You were fine when I left you a minute ago….."

I held onto him, tightly, "Where are you going?" My voice was quiet, vulnerable.

"I put my suitcase in the car earlier when I was mad at everybody. I just need to grab it so I can change." He rocked us back and forth, slowly.

Suddenly, I felt like a huge idiot.

"Oh…." I murmured, my voice sounded apologetic.

Edward pressed a kiss to my hair. "Why don't you go and change? I brought your back pack in with us. I'll go grab my suit case, change, and then we'll go to bed. Kay?" he rubbed my back softly.

"Okay." I whispered, letting go of him reluctantly. He squeezed me softly, before setting me down on my feet.

"I love you, Bella. I won't ever leave." He promised, kissing my forehead as I turned to walk back to the bedroom.

~O~

I tugged off the dress Alice lent me, letting it sit on the floor as I threw on my pajamas and took off my jewelry.

My face was burning hot as I thought about what I had done. What was wrong with me?

I sat on the bed, pondering my stupidity, and waited for Edward.

**Edward's POV:**

She said yes! She was going to talk to Carlisle! She would be able to move on from the nightmares and thoughts that haunted and plagued her identity. It would take time. I knew it would, although deep down I wanted her to have an hour long talk with Carlisle then be feel normal and not afraid again.

But, I knew it wasn't possible. She had…she had almost gotten…I couldn't even think the word. I suddenly wondered if that was it, if that was all that bothered her; Although, that was plenty reason, what else in her life had caused her so much…grief?

Then suddenly, I remembered the ludicrous rumors I had heard at school: Ones that I had scarcely paid attention to.

"….._Her mother doesn't even love her…shipped her off to the chief so he would put her in line..." _

It couldn't be true. Who could _not _love Bella? To me, the idea seemed unfathomable.

I looked over at the sleeping girl next to me, and smiled. She had fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder before I could even make it off the street where the meadow resided.

Eyes closed, Bella had a soft smile on her lips. I suddenly wondered if she was dreaming of me, and the thought made my chest swell with happiness.

Leaning her back on her seat, I got out of my car, and walked to her side, carefully opening the door and pulling her out before shutting the door silently behind me.

She looked so small, so frail in my arms.

I carried her toward the house and paused outside the front door, staring at it, then down at Bella dubiously.

Before I could contemplate how to open the door, my mother opened it for me, smiling softly down at Bella.

I looked up at her worriedly. If I wanted anyone's approval for mine and Bella's relationship, it would be my mothers.

She smiled kindly, reaching up to stroke my face.

"I hope everything has worked out, Edward." She murmured, softly, and I nearly sighed in relief. We had her blessing.

"Even though she's so much younger than you…well, you seem happy, Edward. And, although I'm not happy about the fact that she is your student, I want you happy." She brushed Bella's bang from her forehead, as I felt my shoulders lighten, and a big idiot grin spread across my face.

I was about to respond when Bella started to stir, and she spoke groggily, her voice husky from sleep.

"Edward…lemme down…I probably weigh a ton…." She trailed off, kicking her legs lightly, as if that would make me put her down. Before I could even say a word, a soft snore came from Bella.

Esme covered her mouth with her hand as she smiled in amusement, and I felt my grin get bigger. She was so adorable….so perfect.

My Bella.

I bid my Mother goodnight, whispering to her that I loved her, then carried Bella down the stairs sideways, because she was in my arms bridle style.

I made it into our room, and gently lay her on the bed. Bella stirred again, and her eyelids pulled back to reveal her gorgeous chocolate brown eyes.

"Bella…you should change into some comfy clothes and take off your jewelry." I whispered, cupping her cheek, and delighting in the burn that electrified from her skin into my hand, down my arm, and to my heart, which started to beat erratically as it always did when I touched her.

"Okay…." She murmured as her eyes closed again, a soft snore once again coming from her.

I laughed, telling her that she had to get up, eventually getting her to sit up and open her eyes.

She made whining noise in the back of her throat as she scowled at me, opening her eyes. Bella was not a morning person.

"I'll go change in the bathroom, okay?" I murmured kissing her forehead, and I watched as her scowl melted away and she smiled at me sleepily while nodding.

I walked out of the room, a smile on my face as I went to go get my suit case from my car.

Before I had even made it halfway to the door, I heard Bella's voice, calling my name frantically. I turned around, confused.

Bella ran toward me, and I opened my arms to catch her, rubbing her back softly.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, beginning to panic. I hoped and hoped that she wasn't having a panic attack. "You were fine when I left you a minute ago….." I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Her grip on my tightened, and she asked me where I was going, her voice scared, and soft.

I realized my mistake. I was going to my car, and she had no idea that I had stuffed my suitcase in my car, angrily, when I had gone to find her.

"I put my suitcase in the car earlier when I was mad at everybody. I just need to grab it so I can change." I tried to explain to her, as I started to rock us. It hurt that she thought that I would leave. She seemed sure, so confident, that I could let her go in a moments notice.

"Oh…." She whispered, her voice telling me that she was upset she had made such an assumption.

I pressed a kiss into her hair, trying to tell her that I understood.

"Why don't you go and change? I brought your back pack in with us. I'll go grab my suit case, change, and then we'll go to bed. Kay?" I rubbed my hands up and down her back, closing my eyes and swallowing.

She replied in the affirmative, letting go of me. I squeezed her before letting go of her.

"I love you, Bella. I won't ever leave." I vowed to her, kissing her forehead again. She nodded, turning to walk back into the bedroom, I watched her leave.

Didn't she know that I was nothing without her?

~O~

**Bella's POV:**

When Edward walked back in the room a few minutes later, he wore a black t-shirt, and black pajama pants.

He looked so good in black. It contrasted well with his skin, and made the bronze mop on top of his head look redder then it was in actuality.

He smiled, and walked over to me, sitting on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me as he sat down on the bed next to me.

"Are you okay?" he pressed his lips against my temple, and spoke against it.

I nodded, reaching over to wrap an arm around his neck. The other arm was squashed between us.

He sighed, resting his head on my shoulder as his eyes closed.

And for a little while, we just held each other close.


	24. Chapter 24

**I Shouldn't Love You, but I Do**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **__"Are you okay?" he pressed his lips against my temple, and spoke against it._

_I nodded, reaching over to wrap an arm around his neck. The other arm was squashed between us. _

_He sighed, resting his head on my shoulder as his eyes closed._

_And for a little while, we just held each other close. _

_**~~Chapter Twenty-Four~~**_

**EPOV:**

I lay in bed, Bella at my side fast asleep. She lay on her back, my arm strewn across her, my head on the pillow next to her ear. She snored softly. I couldn't help but smile lightly and pull her closer to me with the arm that was around her.

Closing my eyes, I thought about her; about life.

It was true that before I became a part of Bella's life, I was downright miserable. Confusing as it was, it was a slow manner my approach to Bella, yet it seems like our relationship instantly formed.

I don't know how I made it without her.

Before I was unhappy, bitter, and restless. She didn't know it, but with her in my life, I am more happy than I had been in such a long time. I was glad to be here.

My family had started to tell the difference. How horrible was I before, that now, when I'm in love with my senior student, my family is happy for me?

I didn't want to know.

I know that Bella, my dear girl, experienced something that now leaves tormenting nightmares and fear. I want to be able to help her. And I hope that the talk with my father today would be a good start. I could only pray that his training in the field of psychology would fit with her case. That he could help. And if he couldn't, I would search the world for the person that could. I wanted her happy. I would do anything to see her with no cares in the world.

To think that a little seventeen girl could evoke such emotion in me was surprising, and I tried not to think about the fact that it was wrong.

She was so right. We were so right, and I couldn't…_wouldn't_ give us up. I loved. More than I ever loved Tanya, which just felt as though we were a good match. Not perfect. She couldn't send my heart racing. With Bella, merely the thought of her sent my heart racing.

The thought that I was so beat up over Tanya before, seemed ridiculous to me now. Ludicrous. I knew what love was like, I knew what it could do, how happy it could make me. How happy _she_ could make me.

**BPOV: **

My eyes fluttered open and I stared at the ceiling. I felt tears stream from the sides of my eyes onto the pillow.

_Carlisle wouldn't say that,_ I told myself, _it's not your fault, Bella. It's not your fault._

But, how did I know what Carlisle would or wouldn't say? I had no idea who he was; I wanted to think that he was a good man, because he raised Edward, but who was I to say that his father influenced him, or was even around enough to raise Edward properly? After all, he was a busy man; a doctor.

_Besides, Edward didn't have a problem with lying to you, _a little voice in the back of my mind whispered.

_You must not think like that, Bella! _ I told myself.

Edward pressed his body to mine, snaking his arm around me, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, you." I heard his voice, soft and comforting, as I felt a warm kiss under my ear.

"Hey," My voice was scratchy and rough from crying. I tried to hide it. I tried not to think of the nightmare I had just had.

I would talk to Carlisle today. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, and I sighed. This had to be done. Carlisle would be supportive and help me, just like Edward did….hopefully. I had to do this. If not for me, then for Edward, so he wouldn't have to be with someone broken. I didn't want him to constantly have to work on fixing me. I didn't want him to feel like he should lie to me, because I was fragile. This was the way to help fix myself.

I sighed, laying my hand over his that was resting on my tummy.

"I love you," He murmured.

How did he know exactly what to say?

"Love you, too." I breathed. I just had to remember that this was true. He loved me. He made a mistake.

Edward kissed down my face, softly pecking my temple, my cheek, my nose, my lips. I felt my nightmare slowly melt away into the recesses of my mind as Edward held me close, showering me with love and reassurance. _He loves you. He made a mistake._

He pecked my lips once, twice. His lips moved against mine softly, and my eyes drifted closed as he kissed me.

"Bella, Edward! Time for breakfast, darlings!" Esme called through the door.

Edward pulled away from me, "Okay, Mom." He smiled down at me, "You hungry?"

I nodded, "Starved."

He got up, pulling me with him.

Suddenly, I got very nervous. Was Tanya going to be at breakfast, and if so, what we're we going to do about it? Just ignore her? Treat her cordially? I followed Edward up the stairs, fighting the urge to wring my hands together.

Everyone sat at the breakfast table, and they stared up at us when we walked in. I searched for her face. It wasn't there. Edward walked to his seat, casually. Had he even thought about the fact that she could've been here? Did he even care? _Of course he cares. He LOVES you. He made a mistake._

I sat down in the chair next to him.

He pulled me closer to him by the arm of my chair, and kissed my temple, ignoring the fact that people were staring at us. Actually, just me. They were staring at me.

"Well? What are you all staring at?" I spoke before I thought.

Edward turned to look at me, and then slowly he began to laugh, a proud, surprised laugh, along with everyone else.

Emmett's laughter was nearly overwhelming. Loud and boisterous, he laughed large belly laughs, and it was contagious. I laughed right along with them. The tense, awkward atmosphere that was left over from yesterdays stress was suddenly gone.

"So, Bella," Alice said as we all ate muffins, "Do you want to go shopping today? There's a really big sale going on!" She nodded, "We can bring Edward and he'll carry all the bags for us!" Her eyes were wide and excited.

I couldn't say no.

"Sure, Alice. That sounds nice."

~O~

Mistake.

I had made a _very_ big mistake.

As soon as we had finished breakfast, Alice was pushing Edward and me down the stairs to get ready.

"If I remember correctly, I did mention something in passing about Alice being a shopaholic?" He raised an eyebrow at me as we entered the room.

I pretended to think for a moment, taping my chin.

"I believe something may have been mentioned."

Edward chuckled, "And did I tell you that you should always so 'no' when she invites you on a shopping trip, especially if it involves me?"

I raised my eyebrows, giggling, "As a matter of fact, no, you did not."

"Well…next time…..just say no!" His eyes were wide in mock terror as he quoted the mural that was painted on the side of the library wall at the school.

I raised my eyebrows, "She wasn't offering me drugs, Edward."

He turned to pull his clothes out of his suitcase.

"She may as well have been." He laughed, kissing my forehead. As he walked out, I head him mutter, "They're both just as dangerous as the other."

I laughed, grabbing my clothes out of my backpack and pulling them on. When I was finished, I brushed my hair and put on some make up before I sat on the bed to wait for Edward.

This_, us,_ felt so nice. It felt good to have someone that I could trust; someone who I felt safe with, always. I closed my eyes and sighed. I wanted to so badly to just ignore the fact that I wasn't feeling…completely trustworthy of him right now. I loved him, and I did trust him, I just…was nervous. He had lied to me once, what's to stop him from doing it again?

_He won't lie. He loves you. He makes you feel safe. He wants to help you and love you. He made a mistake before. _

I loved feeling safe, and that's what Edward was. His warm arms wrapped around me, his soft voice, whispering in my ear. He was safety, and kindness, and love, all wrapped up into one perfect package. I felt like he was made just for me. He was brought up the way he was so he could have the patience and the kindness to break down my walls and build up my happiness. He was the one person in this world who made me feel beautiful; worth the fight.

I wondered if I was getting over the whole situation. After all, I was feeling happier, opening up, _fully_, to someone. Sharing intimacy like I never had before. Did that mean that I didn't need help?

_You know you do, Bella. Don't talk yourself out of it. _

Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I just be happy without having to worry about so many things; about myself.

Did I think that being with Edward, feeling safe in his arms would drive away all my fears and nightmares?

Then again, he was the one who had made me question myself. I was blissfully uncaring before I got involved with Edward. No, that was a lie. I was lying to myself. I was trying to be uncaring about everything before.

Having someone care for me, someone making me feel new emotions - that was making me care more than I had known I could. But, it was also making me question myself. A lie from the man that I had quickly fallen for made me question everything I felt, or thought.

Did he really love me? Or was this a product of running with a forbidden passion that blocked all the senses; right or wrong?

Edward walked into the room, his hair slightly wet from his shower.

His smile was gentle, "Hello, beautiful."

All my troubles and worries slipped from my mind for the moment, with those two reassuring words.

"Hi."

~O~

"Oh, Bella! This would look great on you! Go try it on!" Alice said to me. Again. We've been shopping for two hours, and it feels like we'll never run out of mall.

Shirts, pants, skirts, skirts with shorts on the inside, capris, gauchos, tank tops, sweaters, and dresses; if you can name it, I have tried it on in the past two hours.

Edward has by far gotten sick of the torture and is sitting against the wall, bags surrounding him with his head in his hands from exhaustion.

If only.

I was stuck following Alice around the stores, being shoved into dressing rooms, and out of my clothes, as she dressed me like I was her very own Malibu Barbie.

I just didn't know how to tell her it was getting to be way too much.

Grabbing the shirt that she was waving in my face like a wild woman, I walked to the dressing room, locked the door and collapsed on the chair, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the wall.

"How does it look?" I heard her ask, annoyed that I had locked her out.

"So good, Alice! I love the color." I faked enthusiasm.

"I knew it would look fantastic. Come out so I can see it on you."

My eyes popped open.

"No! I mean, no, that's okay. It looks great. You can see me in it when I wear it tomorrow." I scrunched my face up. I had become a horrible liar.

"Bella, you haven't even tried it on, have you?" I heard the exasperation in her voice.

I bit my lip, "Um…no?" It came out as a question.

"Bella, come out, please." Her voice was strangely calm.

I unlocked the latch and opened the door just like I was told.

Alice stood outside of it, arms folded, eyebrow raised. I recognized that expression. After all, her brother had the same one when he was expecting something.

"I'm sorry?"

She laughed, "Bella, you by far lasted longer than anyone I've ever taken shopping and I respect you for that. Now, come on, let's get you a cheesy pretzel. You look like you're gonna pass out from exhaustion." She wrapped her arm around my shoulder, but instead of leading me out of the dressing room, she turned us around and led me back in.

"Bella…as an overprotective sister, I need to give you…well, 'the talk'." She made little air quotes with her fingers.

I raised my eyebrows, but didn't say anything when she put her finger to her lips, halting any words.

"You break his heart, I break your face. You mean a lot to him, Bella. I can see it in him; He loves you. Tanya messed him up so bad. And he was never with her the way he is with you. He's finally happier: hell, he's finally _happy_. Don't hurt him." At the beginning of her speech, she was…commanding; threatening, even. However, as she went on, she became quieter…more pleading.

"I promise, Alice." I murmured.

She smiled, "Good. I so badly want him happy, Bella. He hasn't been around in years. You've helped him; changed him. I know you're young, but you seem to really care for him. You really care for him, don't you?" She questioned, her eyes intense with the same beseeching manner her voice held.

"I do, Alice." I tried to reassure her, looking into her eyes so she knew I wasn't lying.

She raised her eyebrows, standing on her tiptoes to become eye level with me. Something in my eyes must've convinced her because she became her bubbly self again.

"Well, then, welcome to the family Bella!" She exclaimed, hugging me tight.

Did she really think of me as family: Someone that would come over on holidays to spend nights; someone who brought food over for family parties? I smiled. I kinda liked that idea.

She let go of me and yanked me out of the dressing room.

"Let's go, Edward: Time for the cheesy pretzels!"

"Finally!" I'm assuming this was a time honored tradition.

A whispered thought, which was ignored, asked me if he even wanted me participating in that tradition.

~O~

After the cheesy pretzels, Edward loaded all of Alice's bags in the car, and sat in the back with me.

He reached over and held my hand as Alice drove out of the parking lot.

"I'm sorry about Alice…" He trailed off.

"That's okay; although I'm not sure my feet will every recover." I pouted, pointing toward my feet.

He smiled a wide, beautiful smile.

"I'll rub them when we get home."

I shook my head, "You don't have to do that, Edward." _See? Don't doubt yourself. He cares about you. If someone didn't care about you, they would never offer to rub your feet, right?_

He leaned over and kissed my temple softly, "I want to. You should be relaxed when you go in and talk to Carlisle."

My blood turned cold and I froze. I was going to have to talk to Carlisle when we got back. How did I forget that?

The nightmare that I had last night came rushing back.

I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to make a break for it.

~O~

When we got to the house, Alice automatically got out and ran to the trunk to her bags, running into the house shortly after. I sat in the backseat of her car, encouraging myself to move, get out of the car, and go talk to Carlisle.

Edward sat next to me, rubbing my hand, trying to get me to unfreeze.

I could hear the words in my head.

_It's all your fault. You shouldn't have been so naive and immature. Following someone you don't know into a strange place? Isabella, how could you have been so stupid?_

I wanted so badly to tell myself that it was just a nightmare and that would never happen…but, what if it did? What if Edward was just being kind, and didn't want to tell me that he really thought I was disgusting and unworthy.

After all, had he even wanted me on this trip?

He probably wanted to come here, make sure his Dad was alright and then go and spend time with Tanya. What if that date last night had originally been for her?

I closed my eyes. _You're better than this, Bella. He loves you. He doesn't care for her anymore. He chose you. He _asked _you on this trip, not her. _I repeated the new mantra in my head that he loved me, again and again.

I had been in a happy bubble, not thinking about the fact that I was going to have to tell Carlisle about my…incident; ignoring the fact that I was in Chicago, with Edward, who was my teacher, and who lied to me. Plus there was the fact that I lied to my father…the police chief of Forks?

What were we going to do? Everything couldn't just go back to normal when we got home. Were we supposed to just sneak around until I graduated? Then what? I have college, which meant more sneaking around.

"Bella? Let's go inside, love. We have all evening. We can relax a bit before we go talk to Carlisle." Edwards's voice brought me out of my musings.

I gulped. What am I going to do?


	25. Chapter 25

**I Shouldn't Love You, but I Do**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **__"Bella? Let's go inside, love. We have all evening. We can relax a bit before we go talk to Carlisle." Edwards's voice brought me out of my musings._

_I gulped. What am I going to do? _

_**~~Chapter Twenty-Five~~**_

**BPOV:**

It wasn't long before I unfroze and got out of the car. My stomach was slowly dropping lower and lower, the cool air not helping one bit. There was sweat on my forehead, and I only realized that when a breeze blew past me.

I looked down the driveway. How long would it take me to get out of sight? Would Edward come after me?

A soft touch made me jump. Edward was looking down at me, concern written all over his face.

"Bella, you don't have to talk to him the moment we step foot into the door. Calm down. Why don't we just go inside and watch a movie? When you feel ready you can go and talk to Carlisle. I'm sure he'd gladly wait till you're ready." He was trying to reassure me.

It didn't work. I wanted to hear him say, _you don't have to do this, Bella. There's nothing that you need to talk to him about._

However, I knew that wouldn't happen, and I knew that there was something I needed to talk to him about. I needed this.

I just didn't_ want_ it.

Trying to make a joke, I thought to myself, _the first step is admitting you have a problem. _It didn't help.

The moment I walked into that house I wouldn't be able to get out of it until after I talked to Carlisle. I stared longingly at the road as Edward gently guided me into the house.

I felt like I was walking into prison.

~O~

**EPOV:**

This was not going well. We hadn't even walked into the house and she was already beginning to panic.

I wanted her to tell me what made her so nervous, but I was afraid that she would be thrown into a panic attack if I dared ask.

So, feeling helpless, I told her that we could wait as long as we needed, but did she believe me? Trust me?

I didn't know, but I began to guide her toward the house slowly, and she didn't resist. She stared at something behind us. I looked but couldn't see anything.

When we got to the porch she wrenched herself away from me.

She backed up from me, looking up at me with remorseful eyes.

"I can't do this." She whispered. I didn't make any move to go toward her, although it took all my strength. She was panicking and if I made her feel intimidated or closed in, she would surely run, or be sent into a severe panic attack.

And, I didn't know if I could handle seeing that again.

She closed her eyes, and tears streamed down at her cheeks.

"What are you afraid of happening, Bella?" I asked her, my voice soft, and hopefully reassuring. Her tears broke my heart.

Bella remained still, her lips clenched, teeth digging into her bottom lip.

She looked so...young, then again, that's exactly what she was: young. She had told me her secret in confidence, and she had been so terrified when she told me.

And now, I was asking her to tell a complete stranger? I knew it was for her own good, but if she wasn't ready, she simply wasn't ready, and I couldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do.

However, what if she was just afraid and needed this little push? What if she just needed reassurance that she could do it?

I felt so helpless standing there, staring at the woman I loved; she looked so alone, even though I was right there.

Bella sunk down to the ground, burying her face in her knees.

I cautiously walked over to her, and bent down, placing my hand on her back. She was shivering.

"Why don't we go inside and talk about this, Bella? It's cold out here."

She shook her head at my suggestion. Why didn't she want to go inside?

I placed my coat around her shoulders.

She spoke, very quietly, into her jeans.

"Pardon me?" I asked her, my polite side coming out in my struggle to understand what was going on.

She paused for a long time.

Then, "What if he thinks it's my entire fault?" Her voice was so vulnerable; quiet and scared.

"Oh, Bella," I sighed, sitting down on the ground fully. I didn't care that it was getting my pants dirty or that the entire neighborhood was probably staring as I pulled her into my lap and rubbed her back.

What had he done to the broken girl in my arms? What had _I_ done?

I had just hurt her more, made her feel worse with my lies. Why hadn't she lost hope in all men yet? It tore me apart that I didn't know. Had she lost faith in me?

"Bella, he won't think it was your fault, because it's not. It wasn't your fault, Bella. Do you understand me?" I lifted her head and made her look in my eyes as I said it.

She swallowed and searched my eyes before she nodded.

"Say it again," She whispered softly.

"It's not your fault. Carlisle would never think that." I kissed her forehead, her cheeks, trying to portray how much I loved her.

I rocked us for a little bit, and she rested her head on my neck. After being tense the entire time I held her, I felt her slowly relax after a while. I could feel the stares of my family on us. They were looking through the front windows.

When I felt her shiver in my arms, I knew it was time to go inside.

"Bella? Let's go inside, darling. You're cold. We'll just go down to our room and talk a little bit more, okay?"

I felt her tense before she conceded and stood up.

**BPOV: **

I didn't last long before I pulled myself away from him and backed up. I could see in his face that he was confused as I backed away from him, but he made no move to come closer to me.

"I can't do this." I whispered. The look in his eye went from confused to an emotion that I couldn't identify. I didn't dare think it was fear.

Closing my eyes, I felt tears begin to dribble down my cheeks. I couldn't look at him anymore.

He asked me what I was afraid of and I wanted to scream. Didn't he realize? I felt all alone in this world, like no one knew what I felt like, and he wanted me to tell random strangers about it?

I couldn't do it! I never wanted to in the first place. This was all for him.

Did I dare tell him that I thought that his Dad would judge me? Would he be angry if I told him that I had a nightmare of his father, the words coming out of his mouth the ones that I thought to be the truth?

Frustrated, I sat down on the ground, crying into my jeans.

I felt his warm hand on my back a moment later.

"Why don't we go inside and talk about this, Bella? It's cold out here."

I shook my head. If I went inside, I would have to talk to Carlisle.

In response, Edward placed his coat around my shoulders, and the warmth along with his sweet scent enveloped me and made me feel safe.

Safety. I felt safe with Edward. I could tell him what my fears were. I tried to remember what it was like after I finally told him what happened. I was terrified, afraid of what he would think…then, relief, that I had just _told _someone.

I couldn't carry all this on my shoulders. Not anymore.

So, I mumbled the reason I was sitting on his lawn in the freezing cold into my jeans.

He warm hand began to rub circles on my back as he murmured a 'Pardon me?' that made me smile despite the situation.

I let out a deep breath and said it loud enough for him to hear; "What if he thinks it's my entire fault?"

"Oh, Bella," he sighed. I couldn't tell if it was one of anger or sympathy. I didn't dare look and see. Suddenly, his hand moved and I was being pulled into his lap. He rubbed my back again, and the warmth of his hand spread through his jacket and felt as though it was burning my back. I reveled in it.

He didn't talk for a long time, and I began to worry. What was I thinking, telling him that? He probably thought I was stuck up and didn't care about his family at all!

"Bella, he won't think it was your fault, because it's not. It wasn't your fault, Bella. Do you understand me?" He lifted my head away from the crook in his neck and looked into my eyes. They burned with intensity. I nodded.

Had anyone ever told me that I wasn't at fault for what had happened? I thought back, even though I already knew the answer. I felt tears began to sting my eyes.

"Say it again." I demanded. I needed to hear it again.

"It's not your fault. Carlisle would never think that." He kissed all over my face, and his cold lips reminded me that we had been outside for so long.

Edward rocked us side to side while I thought about what he said.

_It's not your fault. _

_It's not your fault. _

The words were so reassuring, so comforting. Was it what I had needed all along? A few tears slipped from the corners of my eyes and I laughed at the irony. I had never cried so much before I met Edward, yet I had never been happier.

To think that I could change so much in roughly two weeks shocked me.

"Bella? Let's go inside, darling. You're cold. We'll just go down to our room and talk a little bit more, okay?" He whispered it into my ear, and the word 'darling' made me want to swoon like the teenage girl I was.

He told me it wasn't my fault. Carlisle will think the same. _You can go inside, Bella._

I counted down from ten and calmed myself down before I nodded and stood. This time I made it past the porch.

~O~

Ten minutes later, we lay in the bed in Edwards' room. I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling, and he lay on his side, his arm strewn across me, breathing in my ear.

I closed my eyes, finally relaxed.

"Why do you call them Esme and Carlisle?" I asked him.

He paused, and then sighed deeply.

"It's hard to explain. The only child that calls them 'mom and dad' is Alice. But, she's the baby. I've called my parents Esme and Carlisle for years. We just kind of….evolved into it." He explained, resting his forehead against my temple.

I nodded, knowing he could feel it.

"Sorry it's not a more interesting story," I felt his smile on my cheek.

"That's okay." I briefly wondered if he was telling me the truth, but banished that thought from my mind. I wouldn't ruin this moment with those thoughts.

"Why do you call your Dad Charlie?" He asked me in retaliation.

I shrugged, "Because he's never really been a Dad: Just a roommate." This seemed to interest him and he rose up to look in my eyes.

"What about your mom?" I looked away for a moment, and he lay back down as I thought about it for a moment.

Before I could answer, there was a knock on the door. Saved by the bell: or should I say knock?

"Come in," Edward called, but didn't bother moving from his position.

The door opened, and I recognized Carlisle's voice, "Should I come back later?" I felt myself tense, and the butterflies rushed back to my stomach.

I looked at Edward, but he nodded for me to answer, rubbing my side with his hand reassuringly.

Would it be impolite to say that he should come back later? I considered that for a moment before I sat up and tried to smile at Carlisle. He stood at the end of the bed, smiling at Edward and me.

"No, that's alright, Carlisle." My voice shook.

He sat down on the couch, resting his back against it, and then smiled at me.

"We've had a bit of a crazy week, haven't we?" He winked.

I nodded, tense.

He smiled at me reassuringly, "Bella, we don't have to jump right into this. Let's talk. I hardly know anything about you." He leaned back casually, straightening his legs.

For a moment, I really_ looked_ at Carlisle Cullen, and I understood why Edward was so….gorgeous. They had the same long lean body, the same crazy hair; they shared the same expressions, and they both had that concerned look in their eyes, although Edwards were a deep green, like Esmes; instead of an intense blue.

I looked away after a moment, hoping Carlisle didn't notice me staring. Edward had sat up while Carlisle and I were talking, and he reached out and smoothed my hair when I peeked at him.

After a moment of silence, that was quickly becoming awkward, Carlisle began to speak again, his voice business-like, but soft and reassuring.

"Before we begin, Bella, would you like Edward to say?" Carlisle looked at Edward imploringly and Edward nodded at his father. I didn't understand the exchange between them.

My eyebrows pulled together as I thought about what Carlisle had asked.

Did I want Edward to stay?

I wanted to say yes, of course I wanted him here, but I honestly didn't know.

It would be wonderful if I needed moral support, however did I want him to hear how damaged I am again?

After opening up like that who's to say what he would decide. He might just decide I'm damaged goods and that Tanya was a much better version. Smarter, prettier, and, let's face it, Tanya wasn't illegal.

Scrambling for an answer, I looked into Edwards eyes. He stared back with complete acceptance. This was my decision to make: If I needed him to stay, than he would stay. He would let me do what I needed; this was for me: For us.

"He can stay." The finality in my voice made Edward smile.

~O~

We got comfortable, and talked for a moment; easy small talk. Carlisle asked questions about my childhood, light, simple things that I could speak of without pain. He asked about my parents; their divorce.

I answered his questions the best I could; reminding myself that this was confidential. Carlisle wasn't going to run around telling my life story. After all, who would ever care? This was Chicago. They had bigger things to worry about than a simple girl who was in love with her teacher.

"Do you talk to your mother often, since the divorce?" His question shocked me, although it was perfectly innocent. Isn't that what people ask when they find out your parents are divorced?

_"I heard that her Mom thought that she was too much to deal with, so she shipped her off here..." _Hurtful words rushed through my head, and a question that was supposed to be innocent, filled me with anguish.

I felt myself backtrack, blinking.

Closing my eyes, I breathed through my nose. Carlisle was not attacking.

_They're trying to help you, Bella._ My mind whispered to me.

"Isabella? Are you alright?" Carlisle's soft voice calmed me, and I nodded while opening my eyes.

Edwards' worried gaze met mine and I reached me hand out, searching for his. His palm met mine and he squeezed, reassuring me with his touch.

_'Cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly, _I snickered quietly at the lyrics that ran through my head.

Then again, that was the only way to explain it.

His thumb rubbed little circles softly on my hand and the little spark between us ignited.

I looked down at our hands, then back up at Edward. I never wanted to be one of the girls that said that his eyes were 'smoldering' or like 'molten lava' but that's what they were. They were intense, reassuring. I lost myself in his comforting gaze.

"Isabella?" Carlisle's voice brought my attention back to him.

"Do you speak with your mother often?" He repeated his question.

I shook my head.

"No. I don't." I tried to hide the pain, but my voice was just a bit too tense.

He nodded, then, thankfully, moved on.

"Why don't you talk to me about your father, then?"

~O~

I told him about Charlie, how he loves fishing and sports. We talked about his horrible cooking, and his job. It didn't take long for the question that I was dreading, to come out.

"Why don't you tell me about that day, Isabella?" He said it very quietly, as though I would panic if he said it too loud.

Who knows, maybe I would.

I told him how the day started. Told him that I went to school and did my homework; that I made dinner for my Dad and then how Eric and Tyler had picked me up.

They had told my Dad that the party was….simple. No big deal. It had parental supervision.

Vaguely, I remembered that my Dad had asked them several times if they were absolutely sure that there was parental supervision. I had been embarrassed of that, then. However, now I understood.

"What happened when you arrived at the party?"

I looked at Edward; I knew my eyes were pleading with him, begging him to tell the story. I didn't want to have to go through this again.

Edward squeezed my hand again, reaching over to run his other hand down my arm.

"You can do this." The first words that he uttered since Carlisle had walked in were those.

Pulling strength from Edward, and his faith in me, I told Carlisle what happened. I told him how I was held down, and when I cried and begged for him to stop he said 'no'. I told him how my screams sometimes echoed in my ears, even though they were heard by no one else. I explained the relief that I felt when Eric and Tyler burst through the door, and how I was ignored when everyone was beating him up.

"I felt…worthless." Tears had started streaming down my face without my permission, and Edward wiped them away.

Carlisle nodded, and behind his professional gaze, I could see his anger; his sympathy.

"Every woman should have the right to say no, Isabella. Only true monsters take the freedom and right of that choice away.

"Never feel worthless, Isabella; I don't see you that way, and Edward _certainly _doesn't see that way; Quite the opposite, really." He winked at me.

I smiled at his antics, but I still had tears falling from the corners of my eyes. Finally, I had told somebody else, and they understood. Carlisle was just another I could trust with my secret.

"Why are you crying?" Carlisle asked after a few moments. It wasn't said with anger, just curiousness. It reminded me of Edward; so curious.

I couldn't help it, and I hiccupped a little bit before I spoke, "I can't h-help but feel that way: Unworthy, worthless." The words came out before I really thought about what I was saying.

Did I really feel that way? I knew the answer; yes. I felt unworthy to be…what? Cared for?

"You feel unworthy?"

Nodding, I wiped at the tears on my face. I had to think a little bit before I answered his question.

"Sometimes; I feel like I'm not worth everything that's happening to me; how everything's working out. I have Edward, and maybe Alice, now. I feel as though I'm accepted by your family. Why do all this for just…..me?"

His eyebrows furrowed together, "Because you're a lovely young woman, Isabella. What happened to you wasn't your fault. Don't let him have this kind of power over you. You are wonderful. Use this experience to make you stronger. You can get past this; move on. And you have Alice, not to mention Esme and me, for sure."

I shook my head, but before I could talk, Carlisle spoke again.

"It _will_ be hard, Isabella. But, Edward cares for you; he's willing to help you move on from this. Of course there will be emotional scars from this, but don't let that man have this kind of power over you. Don't sabotage your happiness." His eyes, like Edwards, were deep, intense. He seemed almost frantic to get his point across.

For a moment, I thought about what he said.

I could move on from this. It didn't have to…control my life. I could be carefree and happy again.

Edward could help me. I could be happy with him; use this experience to bring us closer. This could be our turning point; the point where I could stop pushing him away and be happy with him. This could finally be the end of the pain, the torture that I've felt for the past year. I could be myself again.

We could move forward; together.

The thought was so…foreign. Moving forward with someone; without the pain and the nightmares always dictating my every move, every thought.

I wanted that, and I wanted it bad.

I would work hard, my hardest, to get it.


	26. Chapter 26

**I Shouldn't Love You, but I Do**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously: **__I would work hard, my hardest, to get it._

_**~~Chapter Twenty-Six~~**_

That night, Edward and I collapsed into bed, emotionally exhausted after the past few days. However, we both felt lighter; hope radiated from us.

After Edward and I got ready for bed, we just lay there, talking quietly and whispering small secrets. The feeling of being near him, everything resolved between us, was a wonderful one. He seemed to feel the same way as he traced down my arms and played with my fingers softly.

I don't know when we fell asleep, I just remember being by his side, snuggled so close to him. Together we both drifted to sleep.

~O~

I woke up to Alice's finger poking my face.

"Bella…Bella, wake up. We can't waste this day by sleeping." The words that she whispered in my ear didn't make sense.

Opening one eye, I looked at her face. She was excited about something. And, over the past few days, I had learned that if Alice was excited for something it was mostly likely something that would be painful for you.

I closed my eye quickly, but alas, it was far too late.

"Bella. Don't you dare try this with me. I know you're awake."

She pulled my right eyelid up, her face hovering over me. I flinched away, rubbing my eye harshly. She was sitting on the bed in her flannel pajamas with clouds all over them, and the size of them made her look even tinnier than she already was.

"Okay, okay. What's up, Alice?" My voice was rough, and groggy.

"It's your last day here, Bella." Her tone was impatient and a little patronizing. "Esme wants us to all go out as a family!"

Edward groaned in his sleep, turning over and unconsciously pulling me closer.

"Why doesn't Edward know about any of this?" To make my point I raised his arm and let it drop, portraying that he was deeply asleep.

She looked down at her pajama pants, pulling at a string that had come loose.

"He gets angry when I wake him up; he's not a morning person."

My raised eyebrows, my annoyed stare was all that needed to be said.

"…..and apparently neither are you. I just thought that if you woke him up, then he wouldn't be cranky." She opened her eyes wide and stuck her bottom lip out, which was shaking slightly.

Shaking my head, I gave in.

Damn puppy pout.

~O~

"Edward…." I whispered his name quietly after Alice left, and shook his shoulder lightly.

He grumbled something unintelligible and let out a loud snore.

"Edward, wake up." I shook his shoulder again and his eyes opened slightly.

"Hi." I smiled at him.

He breathed deeply, wrapping his arm around me, and pulling me down so my head rested on his shoulder.

"Good Morning, Beautiful." He kissed my forehead.

I smiled at his rough, sleep filled voice.

"Alice wanted me to tell you that your mother would like us all to have a family day before you and I have to leave tomorrow." I decided just to be blunt.

He nodded with his eyes closed, "Okay. Why don't we go eat some breakfast and see what she wants to do?"

I nodded, sighing as I closed my eyes.

~O~

Half an hour later, we woke up to banging on the door.

"Guys! Stop lollygagging, and get up here!" A voice, I recognized as Emmett's said.

I groaned, and Edward tightened his arm.

"If you don't come out, I'm coming in!" He bellowed.

I stared up at the ceiling in annoyance, and sighed, shaking Edward.

"Edward, wake up." He cracked his eye open, and I couldn't help but notice how red they were.

Emmett's banging on the door started up again, and made me jump.

"We're going to breakfast, and so help me; I will go get Alice and make her pull you guys out of bed and to the restaurant by your _hair_ if I have to!"

Edward heaved himself out of bed, and I heard his bones crack as he stretched.

I sat up and raised my eyebrow, "Gettin' old?" I nodded at his offended face.

He glared playfully at me, wriggling his fingers in the 'tickle monster' motion.

I gasped, and jumped back away from him, accidentally cornering myself. Edward smiled evilly and jumped back on the bed.

I yelped as he reached out pushed his hand into my sides, wriggling them.

After I yelled 'Uncle' for the third time, he stopped and waited for me to catch my breath.

As my giggling died down, Edward leaned down and rested his forehead against mine. He bumped his nose softly against mine and, damn, the look in his eyes, and the feeling of safety and protection, without bias or betrayal was the most wonderful thing in the world.

I closed my eyes, just as he leaned forward and kissed me.

Over the past few days, I had forgotten how it felt for Edward to kiss me. It was extraordinary; his lips sent tingles down my spine and the feeling of exhilaration mixed with nerves made me shake.

He was gentle with me, never pushy or impatient with me and my inexperience. Our kisses were simply us; passionate and tender.

Edward gently rested his hand on my waist, pulling me close. I sighed, sitting up on my knees on the bed, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I don't know what I was expecting when I walked in here, but it certainly wasn't this." Alice's amused voice startled me and I jumped in fright, pulling away.

Edward ran his hand through his hair, staring up at the ceiling.

"Must you be so….forthright, with the way that you speak, Mary Alice?"

That wiped the smirk off her face.

She scowled, huffed, stomped her foot and said, "Yes, I _must_, Edward Anthony."

"Now, we're going to breakfast. Get dressed." She skipped out of the room.

"Edward?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, darling?" He raised his eyebrow.

I felt my stomach clench at the endearment.

"Is Alice bipolar?"

~O~

"So, Isabella, are you liking Chicago?" Carlisle asked when we had all arrived at the restaurant and were waiting for our order to arrive.

I nodded, "It's lovely."

Edward squeezed my hand under the table.

Carlisle smiled at me, "I'm glad."

After everything that had happened, he wasn't treating me any different; he didn't even seem to remember it. He didn't look upon me with pity or blame.

When breakfast finally arrived, Emmett hoarded all the syrup, and dumped half the pitcher on his pancakes before handing it to the rest of us.

When the syrup finally came to me, I took off the lid and just dumped the rest on my plate. And then I realized I had taken the rest, and Edward hadn't gotten any.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I'll go find the waitress." I went to stand up, but he grabbed my wrist.

"It's all right, Bella. I don't like syrup anyway."

I gasped, "Are you kidding?"

He shook his head, taking a bite of his pancake to prove his point.

"You're abnormal, you know that?"

**Edwards Point of View**

I couldn't help but wonder if she knew.

Did she know that she enchanted us all, just by spending a few moments with her? Alice was already in love, as well as Esme and Carlisle.

They daunted over her, fussing over the smallest thing. For instance, when Bella tripped, just slightly over a jagged area of sidewalk: Carlisle demanded a look at her knee as Alice searched her never ending Mary Poppins bag for a band-aid.

The only one of us who hadn't seemed to warm up yet, was Rosalie.

But, I wasn't expecting her to.

Even now, as we all sat around at a park, watching the little kids running around as we digested our lunches, Rosalie was glaring at her.

Bella didn't seem to notice.

Then again, she was distracted by my Mother and Alice asking her questions about her future, where she wanted to go to college, what she wanted to major in.

I learned things about her too.

Washington University, Journalism; She wanted to be an author.

She was perfect for it. As she became more and more animated, telling the family about her plans, the more I realized they were falling in love with her. Esme was beaming, light shining in her eyes as she listened to Bella trust her a little bit more.

Her strength and beauty shocked us all. She was so smart, so beautiful; daring and fiery, but small and frail. And, even though I had heard her story of hardship and pain, I knew she was innocent.

She simply mesmerized us all.

And I didn't think she had any idea whatsoever.

After lunch, we took her to the zoo, which was an amazing experience. Emmett made everything fun and animated for all of us as we looked at all the animals. Nothing was new about this zoo, we must have gone here hundreds of times as kids, but the experience was new for Bella, and she made us all relive the excitement.

She excitedly looked at all the animals, pointing out little things that we had never noticed before; the little bed in the corner of the tiger cage for it to sleep on, the bundle of bananas in the monkey's bowls.

We skipped the reptile house because Bella is terrified of snakes, and frankly, so is Emmett. Their energy seemed to rival each other as they ran around the zoo, loudly.

After two hours of looking at all the animals, Bella had finally tired out, and she stood in front of the kangaroo enclosure.

The family had started going off their own separate ways, so I walked over to her, and wrapped my arms around her from behind, resting my head on her shoulder.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against me.

"Thank you for today, Edward. It's been perfect." I kissed her cheek softly in agreement.

"They love you, you know," She murmured to me, rolling her head on my shoulder so she could look at me.

I nodded, "They love you, too."

After a beat of silence, she whispered, "_I_ love you."

Kissing her neck, I replied with my love for her, and could only hope that she was confident in it.

**Bella's Point of View**

Our day was wonderful. I had never felt so accepted, or loved by anyone: Especially since they knew all my secrets.

At the beginning of the day, I was a little nervous about how everyone would act around me. However, when everyone started asking me questions, which seemed genuine, I couldn't help but answer them.

I slowly began to feel accepted as everyone listened to my jokes, and teased me back. I couldn't help but wonder what Edward was thinking. He was so quiet during the day. But, he never let go of my hand, or stopped rubbing little circles on the small of my back as he led me around the zoo.

When I was younger, I always thought public affection would make me embarrassed, but when Edward held my hand, everything felt right, and I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.

"Well, we have an early start tomorrow morning," Edward murmured as my eyes began to droop.

Everyone nodded and wished us goodnight before turning back to the movie we had all started watching when we came home.

We walked downstairs and Edward graciously told me to use the shower fist. What a good man.

After my shower, I blow dried my hair and went back to the room to look for a ponytail holder.

I was rifling through my bag when I felt my phone vibrate. It didn't take me long to find.

"Hello?" I questioned, confused because the number wasn't in my phone.

"Bella! Thank the lord! You're dad called my cell trying to get a hold of you! We told him you were in the bathroom, girl. You better call him back, quickly, so he doesn't think we were lying!" Eric's panicked voices practically shouted at me through the phone.

My heart beat picked up, and I started to hyperventilate.

"I'll call him. Thanks Tyler." My voice a thousand times calmer than I felt.

"Okay! Call me later; we need to talk about your boy."

"Okay." What he didn't know was that my 'boy' was our seventh period math teacher.

He hung up and I quickly dialed the house phone.

"Bella?" Charlie's gruff voice flowed through the receiver and I sighed, suddenly feeling like a child with my hand caught in the cookie jar.

Reality was slamming down on me.

And it sucked.


	27. Chapter 27

**I Shouldn't Love You, but I Do**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to the Twilight saga.**

_**Previously**_**: **_"Bella?" Charlie's gruff voice flowed through the receiver and I sighed, suddenly feeling like a child with my hand caught in the cookie jar. _

_Reality was slamming down on me. _

_And it sucked. _

_**~~Chapter Twenty-Seven~~**_

**Isabella's POV:**

"Hey, Charlie! I'm sorry I keep forgetting to call you. I've been so busy." The words escaped my mouth right before a nervous laugh did, and I smothered the nervous giggle with my hand.

"Oh, no, its okay, kid. I was just starting to wonder how you were doing." His voice sounded surprised with my hasty apology. I don't apologize, I haven't given him an apology of any sort in a long time.

"I'm doing great. This week has been amazing! We'll start heading back day after tomorrow." It took two days to get from California to Washington, right?

"Then I'll see you Sunday night. I am glad that you are enjoying yourself. How is the beach? Are you finally getting a tan?"

"Sunday morning. Um, no. My pale skin would suffer terrible consequences." I heard Charlie chuckle over the phone.

"Okay, Bella. I'll see you when you get home Sunday."

I told him a hasty goodbye, then hung up and shoved my phone back in my bag.

~O~

The next morning, my mind was still on the phone call as Edward and I worked in an easy silence, gathering everything together and putting it back in our bags after we had gotten ready to go.

Eric and Tyler were amazing, they had covered for me; but how long could they do that without any information at all? Charlie had come awfully close to finding out that I had lied. What _about_ Charlie? What would he say when he found out that I was dating my teacher? What would I say? That nothing happened during school? Charlie wasn't an idiot; he was a trained chief of police. He knew when people were lying.

We had a quick, easy breakfast with the family consisting of oatmeal and toast before we left.

Our goodbye had me more emotional than I would have liked. Alice squeezed me tight and told me to give her my phone so she could program her number into it.

After she finished, she pressed it into my hand and murmured, "Please call."

Carlisle and Esme hugged me at the same time, surrounding me in their warmth and love. "Bella, please keep in touch. You are so good for Edward." Esme had said.

Carlisle didn't speak much, but he squeezed me extra tight, placing a very small kiss on my forehead.

Emmett, being Emmett, yanked me up and twirled me around; Rosalie was not there.

The car ride was incredibly silent as Edward went over the plan with me. We would pull off the road at around nine o' clock this evening and have a late dinner then wake early in the morning for a more relaxed day where we could pull off the road to stretch our legs. Tomorrow night we would go to a nicer hotel, swim a little bit, sleep in, than we would go ahead and drive home, arriving mid morning; Charlie would arrive home at work at noon, so Edward could spend a little time at the house.

I stared at the window; as lovely as that plan sounded, we were heading home, to where we would have to hide, where we couldn't be us, because we wouldn't be accepted.

Edward suddenly pulled over and I looked over at him, confused.

"What's wrong, Bella?" He asked me. His voice was soft and quiet, apprehensive about my obvious uneasiness. His eyes persuaded me to tell him what was wrong.

Staring out the window, I began to tell him what was on my mind, "It's not fair that we have to hide. I don't want to hide the fact that I love you, Edward. It's so ironic that I have to keep the best part of my life a secret." I played with my hands, picking at the edges of my fingernails.

Edward pulled my hand over to his lap, resting his on top of it to stop me from hurting myself. He was resting his head on the seat, staring at the ceiling.

"I understand, Bella. We won't have to hide for very long. I just…I feel that it's worth anything to love you. Even if I have to keep it a secret; don't get me wrong, I don't want to keep our love a secret from the world, but if that's what it takes to keep you with me, I will do it." He rubbed little circles on my hand.

"We will be able to shout it from the rooftops soon, dearest love…..However, it is your decision whether or not you want to pursue our relationship now, or wait until we can come out and show it to the world. I will be with you no matter what, Bella."

It took me a minute to realize what he was asking.

Edward was asking me whether or not our relationship would continue beyond this trip; this moment.

His eyes were sincere, his words genuine.

I think in that moment, I fell a little bit more in love with him. He was willing to do anything to make me happy. He would wait for me, no matter what I decided.

Forgetting for a moment that we were sitting on the shoulder of the road in a car, I leaned over and kissed him.

"I love you, Edward." I murmured against his lips.

He smiled, "I love you, too."

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against his neck.

"I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too."

~O~

That day, along with the next, was hard. It was long hours of driving and silence. I slept a lot, and Edward let me be in control of his I-touch. It didn't surprise me much that he had a lot of nineties rock on it, along with a lot of modern rock. We talked a lot, and I got to know him some more.

The next night came fast, mainly because I didn't want our time to end together. Edward and I went swimming together. It was wonderful just drifting around the pool in his arms.

We kissed and talked, and he threw me playfully around the pool. I screamed and laughed and tried to dunk him under the water, but alas, he didn't budge.

We stayed in our own little bubble, but I couldn't help but notice people staring at us. People looked at us with curiosity, possibly wondering where we were from, what our names were, our stories.

I wondered if they knew that this would be our last night together. I wondered if they knew each kiss was somewhat sad because we could never be open up like this at home.

That night, he whispered to me late into the night, telling me he loved me and that he would miss our time together. There was something intimate about our quiet surroundings, his voice as he whispered to me, the way his arms held me close.

I closed my eyes, wishing our last day would never end.

**EPOV:**

It was a foreign feeling, dropping Bella off at her house. It made me sad to watch her exit my car, even if I _was_ going inside with her.

I pulled her bags out of the car, and carried them inside where we went upstairs and deposited them into her room.

The silence between us wasn't awkward, but it was constricted. We were both missing each other already.

We stood in her room for a moment, and the distance between us felt miles apart. I couldn't help but thinking about the time we had spent in here; where we had resolved and talked about so much.

After a few moments, I pulled her into my arms, and we both relaxed; I didn't realize how much my touch relaxed her, and visa versa.

"Why don't we go watch a movie?" I asked her, squeezing a little bit.

She nodded, and we headed downstairs.

**BPOV:**

For some reason, I felt like coming home was the end of our relationship .In a way, it was. We would no longer spend every moment together; I would not sleep in his arms every night.

Our relationship wouldn't be the same. Not for a long time, if ever again at all. I wondered what our new routine would be; how would we spend time together, alone, without being paranoid?

Already, I didn't know what to do.

Home was _definitely_ not where my heart was resting.

It was in Edwards hands.


End file.
